Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid To Ask) (1972)
Written and directed by Woody Allen.
Ah, the early 1970's. The Golden Era of the Best-Selling Sex Manual. The Sensuous Woman by "J", followed by The Sensuous Man by "M" and The Sensuous Dirty Old Man by "Dr. A" (Isaac Asimov.) Then there was Dr. David Reuben's question-and-answer book with the really long title with an asterix in the middle. Natural movie material, no?
Well, no. But they made a movie out of it anyway, sort of like the way they made a comedy out of Helen Gurley Brown's classic Sex and the Single Girl. Buy the rights, then ignore the book and just use the title.
EYAWTKAS*(*BWATA) takes the form of a skit comedy, with seven segments vaguely related to questions you might find in the good doctor's book.
"Do Aphrodisiacs Work?" takes us back to the Middle Ages, as jester Woody Allen (complete with one of those jester-faced sticks that jesters carry around, this one with glasses) does his shtick for the King ("It's great to be back at the Palace") before slipping the Queen (Lynn Redgrave) a love potion. As you might expect, chastity belt jokes ensue. This is probably the most average segment of the film; amusing, but nothing special.
"What is Sodomy?" stars Gene Wilder as a fellow who falls in love with a sheep. This is a pretty bad segment, with the humor on the level of dressing up the sheep in sexy stockings. One joke made me laugh, when Wilder winds up on Skid Row, drinking Woolite.
"Why Do Some Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm?" features Allen as the husband of a frigid woman (real-life ex-wife Louise Lasser.) Frankly, I remember nothing about the plot or jokes in this segment. However, I give it high marks for being a brilliant visual parody of an Italian art film, subtitles and all. (To my surprise, Allen actually sounds pretty convincing speaking Italian.) The cinematography is very European, and there are lots of shots of people walking slowly through half-lit corridors and all that arty stuff. Nicely done, and maybe a hint of the Allen who would later make Interiors.
"Are Tranvestites Homosexuals?" hits rock bottom with a jokeless skit about a guy (Lou Jacobi) in a dress. Utterly worthless.
"What Are Sex Perverts?" is an amazingly accurate recreation of the old game show "What's My Line?" with the new title "What's My Perversion?" I love to watch these old game shows on the Game Show Network, so I can vouch that this segment looks exactly like the real thing, down to the blurry and flickering black-and-white visuals of an old kinescope.
"Are the Findings of Doctors and Clinics Who Do Sexual Research and Experiments Accurate?" should be of interest to members of this board. It features John Carradine as a mad sexologist who has created a giant breast. It's actually funnier than you'd think, and I cracked up at Carradine's locked room full of zombified Boy Scouts.
"What Happens During Ejaculation?" is probably the film's best segment. It takes us inside the body of a typical male during dinner, followed by a sexual encounter. Burt Reynolds and Tony Randall are featured as cells inside the fellow's brain, which resembles a NASA control center. There are also some poor cells who have to work in the stomach, which gets filled with pasta. Allen himself appears as one of many sperm cells who are ejected into "outer space." This segment has a wonderful, white-on-white look inspired by 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Overall, two lousy skits, one OK skit, two excellent pastiches, and two good skits. Not bad.
I wasn't really a fan. I might still read the book one day to see if it's any better (since they typically are), but I just wasn't into the movie like I'd hoped I'd be.
