Gary Compton
I miss you, wor kid.
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2007
- Messages
- 3,247
Hello Kristopher,
I enjoyed reading parts of your free introduction very much. I can find lots of tiny details which are the kinds of things which irritate grammarians and linguistic experts. But, on the whole the book reads well. Well done. The Standard English is largely good. Small things which people may be irritated by are: The professor is called both Professor and Mr. in the story. Sticklers for titles, I'm sure, would prefer it if you picked one and stuck to it. You refer to the Professor (sometimes) as Mr., but you refer to Volks as Herr. Sticklers might prefer to see titles in a story, where related to characters with the same nationality, referred to in the same language. When Voks threatens the boy with a gun he is described as pulling the gun from his waistband, but pointed it at the child. It's customary to remain in the same tense throughout narrative descriptions.
I couldn't understand the quoted dedication.
I shan't go on and on pointing out tiny irritations, save but to say that they don't spoil the flow of the story exactly, because they're largely stylistic. But, regardless of how they're categorised, they're still there. If you want to remove such potential irritations you may wish to discuss the process of editing books with people.
In any case, congratulations on what could potentially prove to be a very, very fine piece of work indeed.
Footnote:
It should be noted for people who like to argue about things simply for the sake of arguing about things, that with stylistic observations they are neither right nor wrong. With stylistic observations all are opinions about personal taste.
Hey Mercs you should be pretty pleased with that, well done mate!!