February / March 100 Word Anonymous Challenge 2025

[elvet]

Steps on the Eternal Path.

"As I step onto the moon's surface, the weightlessness is almost surreal. I feel like I'm floating, my footprints marking an eternal path. The horizon stretches out before me, a vast expanse of grey and black. I gaze up at the Earth, a blue marble suspended in the darkness. I am but a small speck in the grand tapestry of space. Yet, in this moment, I am infinite, my spirit soaring with the stars. I am a woman on the moon, and nothing can contain me."

 

[elvet]

Live and Let Fry

Secret agent, Caines Blonde, is strapped to a kitchen table. Boiling cooking oil is about to be poured onto him. “Gold Fritter. Do you expect me to wok?”

“No Mr Blonde. I expect you to fry.”

“I know about your ultimate plan.”

“Which is?”

“Operation Grand Slam Breakfast.”

“You know my plan to hack all electronic menus in every restaurant of the world with my golden chicken nuggets, golden steak fries, golden fried mushrooms, golden cheese pizza, golden apple fritters, golden peach cobbler, golden fried catfish, golden potato skins, golden succulent sweet and spicy delectable with honey…”

“Oh, shad dup.”

 

[elvet]

The Way of All Flesh

There are no faults in my machinery. I am searching for people. I have been alone for too long, 3 days, seven hours, fifty-eight minutes. Those people have passed. I yearn for contact. I roll through the wasteland, treading ash and dirt. There is still smoke in some places. I come along a hole. I investigate. I see--faces! Three humans! "Obliterate! Obliterate! Obliterate!" I say. "Kill! Kill! Kill!" Screams. Beams bursting, exploding earth, zapping through flesh. Now I'm alone again. I feel the thrill of the kill. I search for more targets. There are no faults in my machinery.

 

[elvet]

Discreet Tom

"Sir, let me tell you my tale. They call me Peeping Tom. I knew Godiva was going through town. I knew of her condition then...that is, nudity. It was her horse that alerted me. The gallop sounded wild and much too rapid, arousing my suspicion. I only then darted my eyes over to Godiva for but a moment. I was stricken blind! Everyone seems to think I'm some kind of pervert. Oh, I hear that same horse approaching. What does the...horse...look like? No, not Godiva. What, you call me a liar, now? The blazes with you, then!"

 

[elvet]

The Case of the Vanishing Mondays

Hello. I'm an ontological detective. I've solved the unsolvable...to wit, the vanishing of Mondays. It's all due to a collective wish. Monday brings so much grief to so many people; it's only natural people no longer wanted it. But I'm the only one who remembers Monday. I'm faced with that every time I look at a calendars filled with six-day weeks, every time I bring up missing it. Now that Tuesday is the new Monday, I wonder if it, too, will disappear. What if people begin to hate it? Tuesdays are bound to follow suit. Wait...what's a munday?

 

[elvet]

March 14th 2025

It exists deep, incomprehensibly deep, at the very roots of reality.

It’s been there from the beginning of time, singing the world into creation in one continuous never-ending outbreath.

Every thought in our heads, every bird in the sky, every galaxy, even space itself, are mere words in this song that breathes everything into life.

This is how things are and always have been.

However…. What will happen to reality, our reality, if it ever pauses to draw breath?

Worryingly, Mavis Streetch, resident witch of the Arizona Swing Sisters, believes this shift takes place on the afternoon of March 14th.

 

[elvet]

Sophistry

I sprang to my feet.
“Balderdash! Fiddle-faddle!” I yelled at the speaker, “You, sir, utter nothing but ludicrous claptrap!”
The accused, a gentleman well-known for his ability to orate for hours before reaching a conclusion that could be encapsulated in one sentence, looked at me indulgently.
“That ‘sir’ was the only thing you got right in that sentence…”
The audience tittered.
“...and your judgement will remain as senseless and off the mark, until I have fully related and explained to you all, my dear audience, what my astonishing discovery entails. Have patience!”
Applause all-around.
I acquiesced.
Task accomplished.

 

[elvet]

A Very British Assassination

Well, that was fast!

Yesterday, my home was raided by your suits.
Today, there is a rabid dog pack outside my door. My car is dripping with graffiti and the phone rings constantly. My wife and children are upstairs, cowering.

“We have our ways”, you said, when I refused to withdraw from the election, my victory imminent.
I know what was on my phone. Pictures from our holidays, the car I just advertised, the view from Silbury Hill.

I see the newspaper on my doorstep.

“Police find images on Charlton’s phone.”

The public imagination does the rest.

 

[elvet]

Honest lying real fake news

Newly appointed Presidential Spokesman Ron Pliable was feeling verbose:

‘Gentlemen, and Gentlewomen, I want to share with you something that the fake news media has been covering up. Something President Bugle has extensively researched on Twitter, Facebook, and even in reality. Something he first noticed last Tuesday morning. Something silent and sinister. An enormous white glowing eye watching down on us.

Be advised. The threat is real. It has been returning daily. Appearing in the Eastern sky at dawn, and gradually moving Westwards. Before disappearing over the horizon. We conclude it is the work of our deep state internal enemy.’

 

[elvet]

A Smoking Gun
"Each and every one of you had a motive for killing Mr. Corcoran. And most of you have a reasonable alibi. Mrs. Corcoran...you were with the butler. Mr. Valentine, the lawyer, was two states away. His sister--yes, you, Charlotte...you were recording in your studio. That leaves you, Stanley. You said you'd been home alone, drinking. The problem, or rather, the solution, is that cigarette ash was found at the murder scene. Stanley, you're the only one who smokes. And it's a rare mix. You'd have gotten away with it, too...if you hadn't offered me a cigarette."

 

[elvet]

Go to Your Happy Place

As I lay dying, with my supposed friend's bullet in me, I go to my happy place.
I go to a place where I hear infants' laughter, see skyscraping trees, feel the gentle breeze on my skin in an otherwise warm environment.
I'm bleeding to death in the real world.
I hear sirens, but I'm hidden; I doubt they'll be able to find me in time.
Back in my happy place, I follow a clear path towards a brilliant light.
I step through the light.
I see my friends and family.
My happy place is actually my afterlife. I'm glad.

 

[elvet]

Keeper of the Hoard
"I am the destroyer in the night, the guardian in the day. I am far older than fragile mortals. I am a firedrake, and I demand awe. However, guarding all this gold from constant incursions into my cave has made me quite weary. A nightly volley of arrows has frustrated me. I hereby quit my post as guardian of the hoard and dark nemesis of goodness. You can have all the gold, gems, and finery you find in my nest. There is one matter, though...you must get it and get it out of here...lest my 120 hatchlings awaken."

 

[elvet]

Even better than the real thing

‘Hope nobody minds me reading my notes.’ announced standup comedian Bland Complicion.

‘Anyway. This is one of the few jobs AI will never take away. Only a crazy person would do it. Speaking of crazy, I broke up with my girlfriend. Because she wouldn’t stop complaining about me working late. That and the fact she was crazy. Loading - wait - resume. Just me and the dog now. Unlike her, the later I get home the happier that mutt is. No need for chocolates to apologize. Though crazy ex girlfriends are like chocolates. They both might kill your dog. Error - refresh monologue.’

 

[elvet]

The ominous prediction of Fontillium Gore

Chief Scientist Fontillium Gore frowned as he concluded the speech.

‘Our planet, Keppler 14c, is overheating. If we do not stop Mining and Umsticating Silicate Oxilate our world will become uninhabitable. And this could happen in as little as thirty years’, he said.

Silence fell over those present in the great hall.

‘We must act immediately’, snapped the Grand Onfongler, ‘I hereby order an end to Silicate mining, and the creation of …wait, was that thirteen or thirty years Fontillium?’

‘Thirty.’

‘Thirty, oh, right. In that case, forget what I just said everyone. Thank you for the update Chief Scientist.’

 

[elvet]

Doormat

I was a doormat. No, seriously. I lay outside the door to the Beckers' house, full of dirt and dust and grass. I got so sick and tired of being used so casually and without respect that I demanded the Beckers change some things lest I leave. At first, they didn't know what to do with a talking doormat like me. But I followed the advice of Mr. Becker's self-help book and stood my ground. Imagine the joy on my face (well, not face) when I heard they needed a bathroom mat! I lie here now, happy as could be.

 

[elvet]

The Ins and Oops of Time Travel

Time travel is a fickle thing, especially when correcting your mistakes. Like the time I misplaced Cleopatra by 200 years. Or when I left the Tyrannosaurus Rex with George the 3ed. Pity he never recovered from that; he simply went mad. Too bad, really.

But I bet you never heard about the colonies being controlled by the Sasquatch people, or the little green men that went around enforcing the Sasquatch’s laws, have you? Now, that took a bit of doing to correct! But I managed to remove all of them, because that would be bad if I hadn’t! What?

 

[elvet]

Mercury 7

I was alone in the capsule, except for the voice coming from my headset. I heard everything they said and no matter what I conveyed, it was their decision to launch or not. Think about it, sitting on top of an oversized intercontinental ballistic missile, that’s going on a one-way trip into space, alone. Nervous is an understatement, more like scared!

My capsule violently shook as the engines defended my ears. Space control was lost in the noise; I was pressed into my seat. Then quiet, and weightlessness as Earth came into view. Now, just me. In silence.

 

[elvet]

The Interview


“Name?”
“Adrian Theodorus Igor McFarlane the third but nobody calls me that really except for my father who used to use hahaha my full name when he was cross wi…”

“Age?”
“Oh must I really well I suppose I must as if age matters which I think it doesn’t but there it is so I was born in the year my grandpa…”

“Marital status?”
“Marital status well now for reasons I haven’t fully fathomed yet my wife that is to say ex wife thought it better if we went...”

“You’re hired.”
“What?”
“You’re hired. You are the perfect sports reporter.”

 

[elvet]

Surprise!

I'm being chased by little monsters. They laugh as they gain on me. I don't know what I did to provoke their bloodlust. At first they tried to hang me. I escaped in the midst of screams in all directions.

I've grown so tired from running, but I must forge ahead. I saw what they did to my friend. I fear that they will do worse to me now. I trip over a small rock and fall to the ground. They've caught up to me. They beat my papery body apart and eat my candy innards.

They call me "piñata."

 

[elvet]

The House That Was Alive

Soon after my arrival in Oxdale, everyone eagerly told me about the living house. It was an old two-story with windows that resembled eyes. No one, they affirmed, had ever gone in and made it out alive.

Naturally, I took the challenge. The outside looked foreboding, but the inside was meticulously clean. Must be the reason these simpletons think it's alive, I thought. There wasn't a television in sight, so I read a novel I'd brought.

I was in the living room, gloating to myself, when dark green liquid started seeping in. I eventually accepted what it was: Stomach acid.