Back Cover Blurb: The Imposters

[Toby Frost]

Here is the back cover blurb for a novel called The Imposters*, which I plan to self-publish this year. The main question is "Does this work?" but any comments would be welcome. The book is a light SF adventure.


Helen Frampton is one of a kind: built for childcare, refitted for sabotage and assassination, she’s one of the Secret Service’s greatest assets. But androids cost a lot to maintain, especially now that the Galactic War is over. Helen needs to prove her worth or die by a thousand budget cuts.

Richard Cleaver has problems of his own: shot, blown up and left for dead after his last mission went wrong, he’s now being hunted by ruthless criminals and a renegade artificial intelligence. Worst of all, he can’t remember past last Thursday.

Together, Richard and Helen must travel to the edge of known space. Only there can they find the keys to unlock Cleaver’s memory and the vault where the galaxy’s worst pirate stashed his loot. But their enemies are close behind…



*Not least, should it be Imposters or Impostors? Both are technically correct, but I wonder which option looks better.

 

[HareBrain]

I prefer Imposters.

And I really like the blurb! Clear and witty. The only thing I'm not sure about is the closing ellipsis, though the last line doesn't really work without it.

 

[Wayne Mack]

I felt the blurb dragged me in two different directions. The first two paragraphs led me to expect more of a psychological thriller, a sort of Jason Bourne set in the future. The last paragraph led me to expect a space opera style heist story. It suddenly introduced space travel, a secret vault, and space pirates.

Either type of story would interest me, but the blurb should set the reader's expectation as to the story type.

 

[Margaret Note Spelling]

I agree with @Wayne Mack. I liked it overall, but the pirates did come in rather suddenly and the first part spent a lot of time on motivation and maybe even backstory. Clear motivations are good, but the more of it you put in the blurb, the more it'll signal all that as a larger part of the story. Blurbs prefer strong consequences/situations over strong reasons. Plus, only Richard's part of it makes a connection directly to the "worst pirate" plot. What we know of Helen's motivation could technically lead to anything from tracking down pirates' treasure, to bringing in that rogue artificial intelligence and showing her handlers that she has a value beyond war, or even going rogue herself.

If I were to change it, I would try to emphasize the main conflict of the book as much as possible, and make our "Meet the Heroes" paragraphs more concise; perhaps one single sentence, if it could be managed. Also, is there a particular word count limit you're working under? It might even work well if you just added another paragraph somewhere and made all the connections tighter.

Still, I've no idea what the book really reads like, so maybe what you wrote is exactly what you need anyway. This is all first impressions.

 

[msstice]

I look forward to reading this book.

The blurb skillfully uses language to set the proper comedic tone (though you biased me by saying 'light SF', so my reaction is contaminated).

The three paragraphs did not connect so well together. Critically, I see that there are two main characters but don't see the connection. The space pirate thing also was a little disjointed.

I hold great store with the simple cause effect formulation. Perhaps something like this

(I made things up, because I don't know the story. I just want to think out a different formulation)

The Imposters

Now that the Galactic War is over, Helen Frampton, elite android assassin, will die by a thousand budget cuts. Perhaps recovering the treasure hidden by the Galaxy's Worst Pirate in Shangrila, at the edge of known space, will convince the ways-and-means committee to keep her power on. When she runs into Richard Cleaver, who can't remember past last Thursday and who believes Shangrila holds the key to unlocking his memory, they decide to team up. But the mafia who shot Richard after blowing him up want to finish the job. And the renegade AI thirsting for Richard's brain isn't very friendly either.

 

[Matteo]

Here is the back cover blurb for a novel called The Imposters*, which I plan to self-publish this year. The main question is "Does this work?" but any comments would be welcome. The book is a light SF adventure.


Helen Frampton is one of a kind: built for childcare, refitted for sabotage and assassination, she’s one of the Secret Service’s greatest assets. But androids cost a lot to maintain, especially now that the Galactic War is over. Helen needs to prove her worth or die by a thousand budget cuts.

Richard Cleaver has problems of his own: shot, blown up and left for dead after his last mission went wrong, he’s now being hunted by ruthless criminals and a renegade artificial intelligence. Worst of all, he can’t remember past last Thursday.

Together, Richard and Helen must travel to the edge of known space. Only there can they find the keys to unlock Cleaver’s memory and the vault where the galaxy’s worst pirate stashed his loot. But their enemies are close behind…



*Not least, should it be Imposters or Impostors? Both are technically correct, but I wonder which option looks better.

I liked it. The first two paragraphs are a bit disconnected but you learn that connection by reading the book . However, the space pirate bit felt a little tagged on and too disconnected.

If pushed, I would edit the third para as: Now, Richard and Helen must search for the keys to unlock Cleaver's memory - a journey that could take them to the edge of known space. But otherwise would end your original at "memory".

 

[atsouthorn]

I thought the same - that the first two are disconnected but it honestly didn't matter to me as I liked the style and am intrigued enough to find out more.

If I'm being picky, the galaxy's worst pirate bit does come out of nowhere.

 

[Wayne Mack]

I would lean towards the Impostor spelling. My usual online dictionary lists the -or version as the primary and entering in the -er version into the search bar redirects to Impostor. IMPOSTOR English Definition and Meaning | Lexico.com

 

[WSDuffy]

I would also go with impostor. Overall, I like this a lot. The first two paragraphs work together for me and have similar tonality, and makes me wonder how they end up working together. I think the third is fine as is, but it might seem more similar if you used a parallel structure with a third joke line in the end. Something like "Together, Richard and Helen must travel to the edge of known space. There can they find the keys to unlock Cleaver’s memory and the vault where the galaxy’s worst pirate stashed his loot. All they have to do is survive the trip. It might also help hide whether or not Heather has enemies, which seem to be hinted at in the third sentence but not in the Heather blurb.

 

[Christine Wheelwright]

I like it! For some reason I find blurbs/summaries very difficult to do well.

I don't like the word 'worst'. Its somewhat weak. Can this pirate be notorious, or bloodthirsty, or depraved?

 

[Jo Zebedee]

It works. I’d ditch the ellipsis personally.

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

Looks good to me @Toby Frost , and fair play on getting it across the line -I'm gonna third the pirate thing (don't get me wrong, I found it interesting as a hook <scuse the pun>, but the 'worst' description got me wondering how he ended up accumulating loot)
Best of luck

 

[tinkerdan]

Imposters seems to be the most in favor these days.

I'm assuming that Helen has decided to help Richard fight off all of his pursuers.
I can almost imagine Richards response the first time she helps him.
'One does not get saved by a Nanny Android every day.'

 

[Toby Frost]

Her first line to him is “I suggest you accompany me if you intend to live", which pretty much sets the tone.

Thanks everyone - I agree that the pirate has to go, as it's too jarring (and that's a very good point about "worst"). I think I'll keep with the paragraph structure, but I will tweak some of the wording. I'll put up an amended version later today.

 

[Toby Frost]

Here's a revised version, with a couple of minor but important changes.

Helen Frampton is one of a kind: built for childcare, refitted for sabotage and assassination, she’s one of the Secret Service’s greatest assets. But androids cost a lot to maintain, especially now that the Galactic War is over. Helen needs to prove her worth or die by a thousand budget cuts.

Richard Cleaver has problems of his own: shot, blown up and left for dead after his last mission went wrong, he’s now being hunted by deadly gangsters and a renegade artificial intelligence. Worst of all, he can’t remember past last Thursday.

Together, Richard and Helen must travel to the edge of known space. Only there can they find the keys to unlock Cleaver’s memory and the vault where the galaxy’s most vicious criminal stashed his loot. But their enemies are close behind…

 

[msstice]

I still think the third paragraph lacks causality. The first two set up problems, the third paragraph seemingly offers a solution, but it feels tacked on. I think what I'm missing is how these two get together, and why the loot is important.

 

[Wayne Mack]

I will echo @msstice's comment. The third paragraph gives no indication that Helen's problem will be addressed and it introduces a vault that seems unrelated to the previous paragraphs. Either the unbalanced elements should be removed or additional text added to provide balance.

 

[Aknot]

Perhaps change the third paragraph to include something about why they travel together and state her goal as well (it's implied, but when I read it Cleaver seems to be the chief reason for them, not her needs)?

I have of course no clue about the story but for example: "Thrown together by random chance and chased by countless enemies, Richard and Helen have to travel to the edge of known space in the hope of finding a key to unlock Cleaver's memory and for her to prove once and for all that she is worth the military spending of a small planet."

 

[HareBrain]

While the original did work for me, I've come to the conclusion that I probably read (or to be more accurate, skim) blurbs more as if they're a list of ingredients rather than a suggestion of the story, with all its causality etc. In the latter sense, "must travel to the edge of known space" does need more behind it. Why? And why together?

 

[Toby Frost]

Hmm, thanks everyone. How about this for a last paragraph?

Together, Richard and Helen must retrace Cleaver's steps to the edge of known space. Only there can they find the keys to unlock his memory and the vault where the galaxy’s most vicious criminal stashed his loot. But their enemies are close behind…

The idea is that Richard worked for the same agency as Helen, albeit a different branch. He was mangled during his last mission for the agency, which is when the amnesia kicked in. The previous mission involved trying to find the pirate/criminal's vault. Helen will be backing him up as he deduces what he did the time before (effectively, he's tracking himself). The villains are formed associates of the pirate/criminal who can't get into the vault and think that Cleaver knows how to do it (if he ever did, he's forgotten how).