Back cover blurb

[Dave Barsby]

Hi, I'm struggling with the back cover blurb for my near-future thriller, just can't get it to a place I'm happy with. Was wondering if any of you could take a look and give me some pointers. Here it be:

***​

New York City, 2056.


How do you catch someone who always knows when you’re coming for them?


It is a question secret agent Jack Stone needs to answer when he’s handed the assignment of his career – track down the most dangerous person in the world, a man able to predict the future.


A public uprising fuelled by home-grown terrorism is fighting the deep-rooted corruption of the Government. Journalist Andi Clayton finds herself embroiled within the story of the century when she is introduced to a man who can expose the whole uncompromising truth.


As Stone and his new team begin to draw in the net around their quarry, their investigations lead them towards Andi and her new contact, who seems to know everything…

***​

I've also been wondering whether to add a quote from an Amazon review as well. Not sure if that's something frowned upon when it's not from an official publication.

Any advice would be very very welcome guys, as I'm hoping to launch in a couple of weeks and just need to get this nailed down while I wait for my cover to be designed.

 

[Brian W. Foster]

I think those first two paragraphs can be tightened and combined. How about something like:

Secret agent Jack Stone is handed the assignment of his career - track down the most dangerous man in the world. But how do you catch someone who can predict the future, who knows your moves before you do?

That's fewer words for the same concepts.

For the third paragraph, I really don't like "story of the century" as it seems a little superlative when combined with the previously used "assignment of his career." I'd keep one or the other.

I think we need a little bit more info in the fourth paragraph. Is this new contact the man Jack is hunting? Is Andi under suspicion? I don't quite get what you're trying to tell me.

 

[VinceK]

I'm certainly no expert, but I think it needs less words and more explanation.

How do you catch someone who always knows when you’re coming for them?

How do you catch someone who can predict your every move?

It is a question secret agent Jack Stone needs to answer when he’s handed the assignment of his career – track down the most dangerous person in the world, a man able to predict the future.

That's the question secret agent Jack Stone must answer...

I'm not sure I'd introduce the journalist by name unless they're the antagonist, otherwise it detracts from the protagonist.

As @Brian W. Foster said, we need more. What's at stake?

 

[Martin Gill]

Some random thoughts...

he most dangerous person in the world

Why is he dangerous? Being able to predict the future could be a great thing. Is he using it to manipulate? Kill?

Secret agent Jack Stone is handed

I like what Brian has done with the edit, but "is handed" is quite passive. Jack isn't in the driving seat here. He's just been ordered to go do something.

"A public uprising..." "is fighting..." Does the public uprising fight? Or do rebels fight as part of an uprising? Something in this phrasing threw me.

deep-rooted corruption of the Government

Unsurprising. I'd fully expect the government to be deeply corrupt, especially in something that smells like Cyberpunk given the date you've set it in. Can you elaborate? Make it more sinister or threatening?

 

[Dave Barsby]

Thanks for the great feedback peeps, I'll get cracking on a new version at the weekend.

Btw Martin, was it just the date that makes you think it's cyberpunk or something else?

 

[Martin Gill]

Date, location, the fact that it's about corrupt governments and has a noir-esque feel to it because of cops and journalists. If it had been 2056 and set in Denver and the hero was a park ranger I'd have had a different vibe.