Need help with my urban fantasy story about martial arts

[Fire&Light65]

My MMC grew up with his mother and step dad, and was a shy kid that didn't have many friends and would get picked on by others, even his own family would give him some tough times. I decided to set his childhood in the 90's so in the mid-90's when he's 12ish, his mom and step dad send him to a martial arts school which seemed to give him confidence but the martial arts teacher was abusive and teaching him the wrong ways and to be aggressive but also was under the control of the bad teacher's ways. At the end of the 90's, when the MMC was around 16 maybe, he lost his final match, but the instructor didn't take it lightly and became physically and verbally abusive to him. Over the years he flunked out of college, lost his martial arts scholarship and ended up taking minimal wage jobs but kept failing, even tried to get back into martial arts but it didn't go well. As an adult into his late 40's in the 2030's he ends up homeless on the streets until one day he witnesses victims being harassed by some delinquents. He steps in to rescue them with his old instincts kicking in. Then one day after it being put on the news, an old new mentor hears about this and finds the MMC and decided to train him, MMC does some competition fights, despite his age, wins victoriously thanks to the new mentor, opens his own martial art school to help a younger generation, then the bad teacher who's still alive finds out about the MMC opening his own school and it all goes from there.

In the near future there will be this tournament that this drug company uses to sponsor high athlete fighters for which is the best enhancement drug, the MMC has no choice but to enter. What makes the MMC special is he had unlocked these animal magic spirits within himself thanks to the new mentor he had whiich gives him the ende against the opponents on the enhanced drugs even if he is around 50 years old.

How is this premise so far? Does the MMC being around 50 years old learning from a new mentor and being able to fight young fighters on their level plausible, especially if he has animal supernatural spirits in him?

And how can I make this animal spirits in him plausible enough? I can't seem to find any research about martial art combat and animal spirits having any connections? Maybe from ancient times?

And the FMC I will save for another time to discuss.

Thank you for any advice.

 

[JS Wiig]

...the MMC has no choice but to enter.

There is always a choice.

 

[The Judge]

As a matter of interest are you involved with martial arts yourself? If you are, it might be an idea to ask those with whom you train what they think about the plausibility of the idea without the involvement of the animal spirits. If they think it's feasible without supernatural help, then you're good to go. If not, then you can ask them what the 50yo would need to defeat younger competitors -- ie speed/reaction time/I have no idea what -- and working backwards from that decide what help the animals spirits could give the guy to allow him to triumph over younger people.

I have to say, though, that even leaving aside the martial arts aspect of it which made me immediately think of the Karate Kid films, the general story and character arc sounds rather trope-ish. You might therefore want to reconsider some aspects of it. For instance, why should failing to get back into martial arts mean that he's doomed to dead end jobs and homelessess? Many people can't reconnect with something they enjoyed doing but they don't end up on the street. Have you done any research into mental health issues arising from physical and mental abuse which might help to give deeper insights into character etc? The wholly-evil baddie and evil drug corporation against the wholly good mentor are also rather tried tropes which you might want to think about again. Why is this old new mentor helping out? What's in it for him?

One of the great advantages of writing fantasy is that we can make the impossible possible, but we still need to ensure that human characters remain true to human nature otherwise the story won't be believable, no matter how much supernatural spin we put on it.

 

[Fire&Light65]

It may sound a little trope-ish but I'm actually basing it on a real life person's story who told me when they went to this martial arts school, what their instructor did to them, who was really abusive and was manipulative and would hit on and harass many of the many female students. And that person told me they had bad side effects from it, which effected their daily life in the workforce and at home and ended up fired from so many jobs due to it. The being homeless part I was going to add to it, which in my story is how the MMC gets back on his feet after a new mentor hears about him rescuing victims on the street and wants to help the MMC get off the streets and have a home finally and become better skilled in the martial arts.

I can look more into research for martial artists and what they think of animal spirits being put in. The MMC would of had these spirits within him all along, the new mentor helps him unlock it and realize it's existence. If the evil drug Corp is too trope-ish how can I fix it so it's not?

And are the animal spirits too offensive for martial arts?

 

[Wayne Mack]

From the description, I do not see a driving plot arc; this seems to be a series of vignettes giving the reader a character study of the main character. That is okay, but it requires that the main character be very interesting in order to keep the reader's attention throughout the novel. Consider whether the description provided initially should be the actual plot or whether it is the backstory that may or may not be presented to the reader.

 

[luriantimetraveler]

My initial impressions (as a person who watches MMA, has done self-defense for a few years and lives with a 12-year practitioner/black belt in kajukenbo — so, someone who would be into an MMA urban fantasy):

• Although this may be based on a real person and their experiences, the story relies heavily on well-trod (trope-based) story features in MMA (the power of the mentor for good or evil, the fall into despair/homelessness, the redemption through hard work, the underdog). A question to ask yourself as you write might be: what makes this particular story important to tell? "Because it's based on real life" is not a very compelling answer.
• The idea of even a 40-year old entering and being successful in professional MMA seems...far-fetched. Especially if he hasn't trained in 20+ years and has been living on the streets (traditionally very hard on your body).
• What is your main character's driving force? What does he care about and want? Why should the reader care about him? (I think it's often easy to think "The reader will care because bad things happened to him" but pity won't hook readers for a whole novel)
• It's clear you have a lot of passion for this character and world — I wonder if maybe (and I speak to this through experience!) you have gotten so caught up in backstory that you've lost the actual story? For example (just spitballing here):

We have a world where drug corporations have created performance enhancing drugs that they "test" or "demonstrate" through basically a futuristic gladiator ring. Thematically, we want to work in some animal spirits — something that is basically an argument that we should get more in touch with our spiritual sides rather than relying on chemicals — that will help a character defeat the drug corporations and bring victory not just in the gladiatorial ring but also probably take down the companies, right?

Ok, so who is the character for whom this would be most difficult? That's who we want as our protagonist. Off the top of my head (these all need work!):
A corporate stooge for the drug companies, who has been taking these drugs for personal gain somehow falls from power and in placed in the ring
A scientist who helped discover the drugs discovers they are doing something terrible to the fighters, wants to be a whistleblower but is discredited and forced to fight instead
A very successful drug-enhanced fighter who has a change of heart
A principled underdog who has to choose between taking the drugs/winning (and gaining something else he wants — safety? Money?) and sticking to his principles/relying on the animal spirits


...if, on the other hand, the central theme of your story is more about overcoming the impacts of an abusive mentor and instead coming to rely on our own internal wisdom (animal spirits), then that calls for a wholly different protagonist (does that make sense?).

Anyway, just spitballing my initial thoughts and questions and kind of writing out my internal process for thinking about plotting. Hope some of that is helpful!

 

[Fire&Light65]

Okay, I like where this is going...

I like the idea of these other potential protagonists, perhaps I could use them as side characters in the story, but my main focus, I would choose and go with the underdog with the animal spirits as my main protagonist of the story. Could I say that maybe, due to his principles he is forced and kidnaped into having to take these drugs and have to win in order to save someone or others life or lives as hostage?

...if, on the other hand, the central theme of your story is more about overcoming the impacts of an abusive mentor and instead coming to rely on our own internal wisdom (animal spirits), then that calls for a wholly different protagonist (does that make sense?).

This is exactly what I had in mind. So something like this could not be mixed in with a protagonist (MMC) fighting in a ring, where there are drug corporations demonstrating their most enhanced performing drugs to the test?

 

[luriantimetraveler]

Okay, I like where this is going...

I like the idea of these other potential protagonists, perhaps I could use them as side characters in the story, but my main focus, I would choose and go with the underdog with the animal spirits as my main protagonist of the story. Could I say that maybe, due to his principles he is forced and kidnaped into having to take these drugs and have to win in order to save someone or others life or lives as hostage?



This is exactly what I had in mind. So something like this could not be mixed in with a protagonist (MMC) fighting in a ring, where there are drug corporations demonstrating their most enhanced performing drugs to the test?

I wouldn't say "could not be mixed in" but I would ask: How does the drug corporation fighting ring connect to the protagonist overcoming the negative impacts of an abusive mentor and learning to trust his own wisdom? How is the protag in control of what happens, rather than just being a victim of others? Just spitballing here:

• The abusive mentor was secretly drugging his fighters (maybe this is what got the protag hooked on drugs/lead to homelessness? Maybe his past with drugs prevents him from doing something he loves so he decides to exact revenge?)
• The protag starts a rival school to try and prove his natural fighters are better but they aren't able to awaken their animal spirits so resort to taking drugs on the sly
• A star fighter who has been wildly successful has an awakening about the true cost of his success (I'm thinking about elite gymnasts who suffer through abusive an awful coaches in the name of "excellence") but is faced with losing his standing/wealth/safety and calling out the trainers and drug corporations who are destroying the athletes

--> basically, your protagonist should be someone who has a TON to lose, and right now the underdog previously-homeless protagonist doesn't seem to have much at stake.

 

[Fire&Light65]

How does the drug corporation fighting ring connect to the protagonist overcoming the negative impacts of an abusive mentor and learning to trust his own wisdom? How is the protag in control of what happens, rather than just being a victim of others?

I forgot to mention in my original post that the abusive mentor from his past would return years later, after hearing the news of the protagonist's success, would try to bribe him into joining forces, while secretly being manipulative, with the true intent to take over the protagonist's school and fighters, corrupting his fighters and the abusive mentors intentions to get rid of the proragonist so he can take over, along with the old bad instructors, which the abusive mentor fails to do when he realizes the protagonist is not willing to give up. Then the protagonist gets his revenge, after realizing the abusive mentor will never change and for all the horrible things the bad mentor did in the past, as well as the other bad instructors from the past. This would be further into the future timeline. And over the course of time when the protagonist spent his time before being homeless, he would of tried taking up different martial arts after he was done with the abusive mentor at age 16/17 but was unsuccessful with trying other arts. And it's possible he inherited these animal spirit guardians from his missing birth father.

I'd like to go with the first idea of the abusive mentor secretly drugging his fighters, before it became well known and mainstream at the time. Then this could have a bad effect on his life and the abusive manipulation the bad mentor has done, all leading to the protag's homelessness? Maybe this could be what suppressed his animal spirit instinct in him and caused weird side effects from the drugs?

For some reason I can see the second choices being combined into his story later on. I think that can work?

Sorry if I'm rambling on here too much, but I'm very close to putting this all together now.

 

[Fire&Light65]

I have a few more questions, i hope no one minds reading through it, cause it's a lot and sorry for any grammar mistakes, which I tend to do, which I noticed but I'm working on it.

I’m now thinking that the MC should have been gifted with multiple animal spirits, including a wolf, lion, tiger, eagle, snake, Phoenix, dragon, etc…

1. Does multiple animal spirits sound overdone, mixed with the scientific pharma drug corp?
2. Is it better that the MC inherited these animal spirits from his biological father, recieved it after making contact with something supernatural, or recieved it after meeting his new master teacher on the streets as an adult?
3. During his youth, which would take place somewhere along the mid-late 90’s, is it better I keep it as a kung-fu gimmick school where the students learned kung-fu and various martial arts, called the “Viper Academy” that he went to, where he met the bad veteran instructor/teacher? Or better I change it to some kind of after school program that was secretly a magic school academy “undecided magic school name” for those gifted with magic abilities who are seen as outcasts at their original school and are trained in a variant of martial arts combat styles, where he met his bad instructor/teacher?

And to @luriantimetraveler, I thought more about when you said the protagonist having a lot more bad things happen to him for readers to care... I have so far that his mom and step dad were abusive, he was a shy and bullied kid growing up, he recieved false confidence from his abusive mentor at the kung-fu school as a teen, he gets physically and verbally assaulted by his abusive mentor after he lost his final match in the finals as an older teen, his mom and step dad neglected him onwards, over the years he tried to persue school, jobs and other martial arts but it all ended in failure, his abusive mentor mocked him when his dog or cat died for crying, he was mocked for going to a fake gimmick martial art school by others and for being a privileged rich boy cause his step dad was rich, supposedly when he first joined the kung-fu martial art school as a kid the bad mentor had him and the rest of the student fighters on an early dose of those enhanced drugs before they became mainstream in the future, which caused these bad side effects on the protag, he ends up homeless in his 30's, after saved by a good mentor and he rises back up, the bad mentor returns to take it all away from him and make the protag look like the bad guy, having him fall into the vengeful underdog grim-dark hero category, he is forced and bribed into competing in a futuristic fighting ring arena which is sponsored by the drug companies that are testing their best drugs on the fighters.


Any advice for these paths would help me out a lot. I appreciate the help.

 

[luriantimetraveler]

I think perhaps I wasn't clear...

And to @luriantimetraveler, I thought more about when you said the protagonist having a lot more bad things happen to him for readers to care... I have so far that his mom and step dad were abusive, he was a shy and bullied kid growing up, he recieved false confidence from his abusive mentor at the kung-fu school as a teen, he gets physically and verbally assaulted by his abusive mentor after he lost his final match in the finals as an older teen, his mom and step dad neglected him onwards, over the years he tried to persue school, jobs and other martial arts but it all ended in failure, his abusive mentor mocked him when his dog or cat died for crying, he was mocked for going to a fake gimmick martial art school by others and for being a privileged rich boy cause his step dad was rich, supposedly when he first joined the kung-fu martial art school as a kid the bad mentor had him and the rest of the student fighters on an early dose of those enhanced drugs before they became mainstream in the future, which caused these bad side effects on the protag, he ends up homeless in his 30's, after saved by a good mentor and he rises back up, the bad mentor returns to take it all away from him and make the protag look like the bad guy, having him fall into the vengeful underdog grim-dark hero category, he is forced and bribed into competing in a futuristic fighting ring arena which is sponsored by the drug companies that are testing their best drugs on the fighters.

What I meant was: to me, as a reader, a character who is just wallowing under a pile of bad stuff that happened to them is not interesting.

I care about characters who are resilient, who are passionate, who are smart and driven, who are clever, who are loving, who make mistakes and get themselves into trouble, who are active. A laundry list of "bad things that happened to him" doesn't make me care about the character — what does he do in the face of all this? What kind of a person is he? Your list above doesn't tell me: does he turn around and take out the bullying on others, or does it make him actively seek out dangerous situations where he's the hero or. does he spend his life trying to prove the bullies wrong by being successful or...(so many other ways he could be active in the face of the bad things that happen)?

I might suggest trying to reframe your story solely in terms of Protagonist VERB, therefore... or Protagonist VERB, but... — i.e., the protagonist needs to drive the action of your story, not the abusive mentor and the bullying kids and the drug companies.

 

[Wayne Mack]

Especially as this seems to be primarily a character study, the main character needs to also experience successes along the way. There should likely be more successes than failures. In order for failures to be set backs, there almost be hope. Make sure to give the main character some stand up and cheer moments along the way.

Concerning the abusive mentor, particularly if he is to reappear later, be sure to give him a plausible reason or rationale for his actions. Don't expect the reader to accept that he is acting this way just because he is a bad guy.

 

[Fire&Light65]

I think perhaps I wasn't clear...


What I meant was: to me, as a reader, a character who is just wallowing under a pile of bad stuff that happened to them is not interesting.

I care about characters who are resilient, who are passionate, who are smart and driven, who are clever, who are loving, who make mistakes and get themselves into trouble, who are active. A laundry list of "bad things that happened to him" doesn't make me care about the character — what does he do in the face of all this? What kind of a person is he? Your list above doesn't tell me: does he turn around and take out the bullying on others, or does it make him actively seek out dangerous situations where he's the hero or. does he spend his life trying to prove the bullies wrong by being successful or...(so many other ways he could be active in the face of the bad things that happen)?

I might suggest trying to reframe your story solely in terms of Protagonist VERB, therefore... or Protagonist VERB, but... — i.e., the protagonist needs to drive the action of your story, not the abusive mentor and the bullying kids and the drug companies.

My mistake, sorry for the misunderstanding. You're right, he needs to show how he's overcome these bad obstacles in his life. While homeless, he witnesses young thugs attacking some victims on the street. He flashes back to when he was in that situation and steps into action, fending off the thugs and saving those victims. Also after learning the good ways, training and discipline from the good mentor and this time wins his match, he opens his own school to help others who want to learn and protect themselves, helping other victims and those who are in need of support. He even goes to avenge his students when the bad abusive mentor returns and claims everything from him, including his students and save them from the abusive mentor's corruption, which is the path he almost took. And the drug companies run by a megacorp villain who's good friends with the abusive mentor who he plans to put a stop to both of them and end both organizations, the dojo and the drug corporation.

I was even going to say he had a son from an ex girlfriend who was now being manipulated by the abusive mentor and turned to the dark side to go against the protag, as well as some of his previous students who he has to save and end the bad mentor from causing more havoc. The protagonist also has another son with a new lover he meets that he doesn't know about yet.

 

[Fire&Light65]

Especially as this seems to be primarily a character study, the main character needs to also experience successes along the way. There should likely be more successes than failures. In order for failures to be set backs, there almost be hope. Make sure to give the main character some stand up and cheer moments along the way.

Concerning the abusive mentor, particularly if he is to reappear later, be sure to give him a plausible reason or rationale for his actions. Don't expect the reader to accept that he is acting this way just because he is a bad guy.

Yes, I'm keeping track of all the success he gains later on in thel story, like finally make a victorious triumph, winning a fight, opening his own school and helping other adolescents, making amends with family, stopping and finishing off the abusive mentor and drug corp, rescuing his students from them. Teaching the inner spiritual and good ways he learned from the new good mentor. He stand up to the bad abusive mentor, overcoming and defeating him in the end.

The abusive mentor returns later in order to trick and deceive the protagonist so he can gain everything the protagonist succeeded with and toss the protagonist away, claiming it all for himself and his fighters.

 

[Danny McG]

You gotta keep in mind that your protagonist is now in his fifties, thus he's channeling the 'dad bod'

 

[Fire&Light65]

Ahhh well... in that case, maybe I should just make him a good mentor to other students in his 50's instead and he just discovers his own potential by himself.

Also, isn't Keanu Reeves in his 50's? And he's in good shape?

 

[Wayne Mack]

Also think of Jackie Chan. 64, a couple of weeks shy of turning 65. The Official Jackie Chan Website

 

[Fire&Light65]

Also think of Jackie Chan. 64, a couple of weeks shy of turning 65. The Official Jackie Chan Website

That's a great example. But how can I mix animal spirits with this entire drug thing? Does the animal spirits sound more cartoonish?

 

[Wayne Mack]

But how can I mix animal spirits with this entire drug thing?

Listen to your subconscious mind. If you, as a writer, do not see where something fits in, how will the reader divine it? Perhaps the animal spirit aspect is unneeded in your tale.

 

[Fire&Light65]

Listen to your subconscious mind. If you, as a writer, do not see where something fits in, how will the reader divine it? Perhaps the animal spirit aspect is unneeded in your tale.

Perhaps you're right. But it can also add so much to just being another generic martial arts story.

@luriantimetraveler, what do you think so far about this whole drug corp and animal spirits protagonist mix up? You did give me some good inspiration when you mentioned the bad mentor giving his student fighters drugs, including the protagonist, which could of caused his life to crash down. Do the animal spirits interfere?