great story completed and looking for feedback

[shogunxd3]

Finished my fifth screenplay, but interested in a second opinion. The plot summary is below.

Synopsis: A young man learns that he is the reincarnation of a demon hunter during the battle between Heaven and Hell. As the enemies from his former life emerge to destroy him, he is forced to change his life to adapt to his new one. Tavisto, the main enemy in the story, uses unconventional methods in order to exact his revenge against the hero while at the same time setting a far bigger plot in motion that remains to be known. The hero is assisted by people from his past life. Na'thal, his trainer and personal guard who will do anything to ensure the protection of his master. Angel his former fiance and Sanctity a forgotten fling turned vampire temptress who's attraction to the new hero holds more value to her than the old hero.

 

[kadife]

This plot summary does not really give a person enough to form an opinion on the merit, or lack of merit, of your screenplay. This is because the treatment of the subject is what makes or breaks it, not the storyline. Write out the storyline of some popular movies and you'll see what I mean!

 

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

Sounds a little cliche to me, personally, and that's just a little bit too smooth to see what kind of piece it would be. Like Kadlife said, there's not enough meat to this summary to give a proper review for.

 

[TheMoirae]

Don't think there is enough posted to form an opinion. Would be interested to know more about the "unconventional" methods.

 

[Noah Phoenix]

I'm trying to turn my novel into a screenplay to see if I'm better at writing those than novels, so I'd be very interested to see this! Please post a little of it for us to peruse! The idea seems intriguing by the way.

 

[Moggle]

Sounds like a variation on "Blade"

 

[n2so4]

It's a little brief to form an opinion and sounds very cliche really. This was the plot line for the recent TV show 'Demons', as well as a few horror films I can think of.

 

[kadife]

As I said, it's the treatment of the story that's important. A plot may seem a cliche, but you might have fantastic locations/humour/philosophy/twists/ironic mockery of trad topic etc. etc. planned for it that will make it captivating--how are we to know, though?

 

[TheEndIsNigh]

I had some problems with this plot line. As a pitch to a publisher/producer lines like

setting a far bigger plot in motion that remains to be known.

Would really annoy me. (personally) I mean is this the plot or is something being held back that I don't get to do. As others have said not enough detail. As for the actual content - read on

Finished my fifth screenplay, but interested in a second opinion. The plot summary is below.

Synopsis: A young man learns that he is the reincarnation of a demon hunter during the battle between Heaven and Hell. (he either knows or is told - it's not the kind of knowledge you read in the paper as your eating your fish and chips) As the enemies from his former life (just 'his enemies' if they are hunting him down in a re-incarnation) emerge to destroy him (why? would they he's out of it why bring him back in to the struggle - they killed him once so why drag him back into the conflict), he is forced to change his life to adapt to his new (old) one. Tavisto, the main enemy in the story, uses unconventional methods (how unconventional can it be - this is a war of heaven and hell do they fight under the rules of the 'purgatory convention of 3120 BC') in order to exact his revenge against the hero while at the same time setting a far bigger plot in motion that remains to be known (as a reader/publisher/producer what would you think of this 'holding back') . The hero is assisted by people from his past (former maybe?) life. Na'thal, his trainer and personal guard who will do anything to ensure the protection of his master (including leaving him unprotected oblivious to his danger while he grew up). Angel his former fiancé (Who has moved on it seems) and Sanctity a forgotten (forgotten? all this was forgotten until recently) fling turned vampire temptress who's attraction to the new (?) hero holds more value to her than the old hero. (do you mean because he's nice and young and fresh she fancies him more than the old decrepit he was before)