Lady Hornwood, iirc.
What? No mention of the Mountain and his men raping the innkeeper's daughter? No mention of the Jaime and Cersei's trysts? No mention of the filth that Rorge says to nine year old Arya?
Indeed, ASOAIF is not James and the Giant Peach nor Prince Caspian. There are lines to be drawn between children's books and adolescent books and adult books. Those lines may be fuzzy sometimes, but I think that the fantasy genre has progressed beyond it's roots in children's fairy tales and adolescent fantasies into adult literature. I don't mean adult literature as in pornography. I mean adult literature as in writing that appeals to and relates to grown-ups and the circumstances of their lives.
When an author depicts situations that adults are involved in, hear about, or must deal with the author makes choices on how the situation will be described. If the author revels in sex or violence for the simple sake of glorifying them, then the sex and violence is gratuitous. If the author depicts violence and sex in the direct context of the story, then said sex and violence is not gratuitous. This does not mean that you (nor even the author for that matter) like it or agree with it. I think that sex, violence, and other graphic situations may be included in a book or movie without being gratuitous.
I find Quentin Tarantino and Martin Scorsese (especially with The Departed) to have crossed over into the specific realm of gratuity for gratuity's sake. This had been almost exclusively the parameters for horror and sci-fi when I was a kid. Now everything from Lethal Weapon to the forthcoming Batman movie, The Dark Knight (so it seems from the previews), is all about gratuitous violence... gratiuitous sex seems to be inserted if time permits.
Don't get me wrong, the graphic nature of Biter's cannibalism, Dany's experiences, Gregor's rapine, and the incest in ASOIAF are shocking and difficult to read. But in no way do I feel that GRRM just threw them in because he gets off on cannibalism, sex with minors, rape, or incest. Nor do I get the feeling that he is including them to increase his sales. That's my opinion, anyway.
It seems to me that all of those horrible situations arise from his style of storytelling in ASOIAF. I read somewhere that ASOIAF is a medieval tale with fantasy elements in comparison to all other fantasy writers who try to fit some tiny bits of realism into their fantasies. Westeros is a gritty, soiled, pitiless place.
In Fevre Dream, GRRM writes a tale of Vampires on the Mississippi River just prior to and just after the American Civil War. Talk about a setting for gratuitous sex and violence! But Martin steers well clear of any gratuity. He builds his suspense like Henry James, Joseph Conrad, or Mark Twain... I kept waiting for each chapter to explode in carnage or carnality because they were hinted at... but nothing happened. The pent up frustrations thwarted vengeances, and broken promises finally culminated in the showdown in the final chapter... but that was not gratuitous... it was inevitable.
GRRM showed me in Fevre Dream that he can tell his stories in multiple styles. He could have been gratuitous in either story, but he has not in my mind. Gratuitous, no. Graphic, yes.
If it is the graphic nature that disturbs, we must remember that Martin is not writing in the same style as J.R.R. Tolkien. The Lord of the Rings tone (no joke intended) and levels of description hearken back to the themes and proprieties of the Victorian Age and the Enlightenment. Martin's style in Fevre Dream is along these lines, but ASOIAF is much more personal. His story involves the details of minute to minute life.
Did Aragorn tell the Council of Elrond how he tied up Gollum every time he had to urinate? Did Frodo openly lament the sexual frustrations of being a bachelor in The Shire? Did Theoden rage about his women being repeatedly raped to breed Saruman's half-orcs? No, no, and no. But those were real issues in the lives of those characters. Tolkien chose a style of storytelling that did not dwell on these menial details, but Martin has.
Would we hate the Mountain as much if we did not know how he and his men raped the innkeeper's daughter? Would we understand how Arya wasted one of Jaqen's kills on Chiswyck instead of Lord Tywin if Chiswyck had not told his tale? Would we truly despise Jaime and Cersei if they were not lovers? Would we feel revulsion in our stomachs and confusion in our hearts for the brutalities of war, the lawlessness of Civil War, and the constant injust foisted upon the innocent if Biter had not lived up to his name?
I think Lady Hornwood's chewing of her own hands, Dany's sex life, and other bothersome details will end up benefitting the later development of many characters... notably Ramsay Snow, Dany, Theon, Littlefinger, Arya, Jon, Sam, Jaime, Tyrion, Margaery...
Thanks for letting me spew forth... real op-ed writers for newspapers and magazines take a week or longer to research, write, and edit articles as long as this post. My apologies that you have to deal with my half an hour efforts.