Gag Atlantis Spoilers


Well-Known Member
Apr 24, 2002
Hi let's make up funny fake spoilers for Atlantis.

What ever you can imagine that might be funny?

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Episode: Cow R' Us

Summary: The Atlantis team returns to Earth after a recent
mission only to find that Earth's entire population has turned
into Cow-like creatures.
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Rumor: Comedian Gallagher will appear in an episode
in which he plays the leader of an alien race who's economy
is based on watermelons.
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Episode: New Recruit Tango

Summary: After the initial interview process new recruits
are prove their worth by competing in an alien dance
competition where Tango is the language of diplomacy.
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Rumor: Donald Trump guests stars in a future episode
where he is seen firing the janitorial staff of a small
German mining operation.
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Now you give it a try and/or post your reactions.
Episode: Paradise Found

Summary: SG-1 find a highly advanced race who are willing to share anything and everything with Earth... but because of their perfect sunny world they never bother with clothes and frown on those who do...

Rumour: insert here the list of people you'd want to guest star, tactfully filmed
Episode: Parenthood

Summary: Cassandra turns to Mini-Jack in her grief and things turn biological. (I still can't wait to see his face admitting it to "big" Jack...). The resulting child develops very rapidly with striking telepathic and equivalent powers - she is in fact a Hok'tar. Eggar arrives without being sent for - and turns out to be hosting Nirrti who survived her former host dying. They only discover this after the child becomes Nirrti's new host and Eggar is left dead.

Rumour: Julie Benz as the grown up child

{that ended up not funny at all.... so...}
Episode: H2O

Summary: SG-1 arrive on a paradise island that is apparently uninhabited. Until they realise the locals are all mermaids and mermen.

Rumour: again, make up your cast list... ;)
>{that ended up not funny at all.... so...}

It's okay if they are not funny PTeppic
Any way there is an element of humor in it.
I guess the idea is to have fun.

And this topic is pretty fun so far. :)

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Rumor: 31 Cows have been rented for the season finally
episode of Stargate Atlantis.

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Episode: Gray and Shiny

Summary: The new Atlantis team discovers that the stargate
they just used is broken. The question becomes how to fix the
gate with limited supplies. After a space walks to the orbiting
stargate they asses the damage and discover it can be fixed
with a bit of adhesive tape. With the gate mummified in
Duck tape it's a simple matter of activating the gate, but then
a strange alien race attacks the team. Can the team escape
the grasp of the evil Redgar'enz in time? Will the duck taped
gate hold?
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Episode: Lost In Spain

Summary: During a top secret experiment of a new alien
technology an A.I. Dog named Frank Bar-Toe becomes lost
somewhere in Spain.


Actor 1: Give me an update on the recovery mission.

Actor 2: The team is in Spain.

Actor 1: Is the dog in Spain?

Actor 2: Yup, the dog's in Spain, the team is in Spain, every one
is in Spain.
Rumor: Rick Moranis guest stars as soldier number 2.
Said soldier get's slimed.
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Rumor: Atlanntis to have in episode music video's like Baywatch.
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Rumor: Alien spaceship to carry advertising for Taco Bell.
Rumour: SG-1 contract an alien virus which means they all burst into song... guest director: Joss Whedon.
Rumour 1: A Star Trek actor will make a guest appearance in the first Season of Stargate Atlantis.

That's not a rumour it's most likely true, Stargate SG-1 already used at least four main cast members.

Rumour 2: Tony Blair and George Bush will make a guest appearance in the first Season of Stargate Atlantis in an episode entitled 'Cowabunga'.

Tony enjoyed doing the Simpsons so much!

Episode: 'War of the Worlds'

Dr McKay has a really bad hacking cough. Earth is attacked by a new powerful enemy. The team travel to the Pegasus Galaxy to find a planet populated by metallic tripod aliens who are infected by the common cold and all die.

Rumour 3: To avoid the consequences of a possible actors strike, every member of the cast is being shadowed by a Cow double.

Episode: 'Space Cowboys'

Since everyone else in the SGC have now grown udders and horns, General Hammond is brought out of retirement to rescue the Stargate Atlantis team. He insists that he will only do it if he can reform his original team from 1969. Guest Stars William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy

Spoilers for the season finalé:

Episode: 'Beneath the Planet of the Cows' - Part One

As the team leave through the Stargate they experience a temporal anomaly. They arrive in underground sewers where a race of mutant humans worship a huge atomic bomb. On the surface they discover a world ruled by Cows, and a partially buried Statue of Liberty. Dr McKay falls to his knees crying out "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! God Damn You All To Hell!" Other memorable quotes include Col. Sumner's: "Get your stinking hooves off me, you damned dirty cow!"
Episode: 'Krypton'

Daniel decifers the location of the Ancient's homeworld from an old notebook his dad lost down the back of his sofa. Jack accompanies the Stargate Atlantis team on a mission to a planet of intellectual supermen, with a pure Naquadah core, a Red Giant sun, and jewel mountains. Jack accidently activates another machine which downloads information into his brain yet again. This time both his brain and his ego begin to grow to monstrous proportions, and he will need an urgent operation to have his ego removed.

Episode: 'Chlorophyll'

The Stargate Atlantis team visit a world of intelligent walking plants. After bringing back a specimen for examination it begins to rapidly grow and divide. Before it overuns the base and germinates, they must make use of their bovine secret weapons.

Episode: 'Miniscule'

The Stargate activates for the return of the Atlantis team but they fail to arrive in the Gateroom. In reality, a malfunction has caused them to be shrunk in size. Since no one can see them, they must try to make their way to upstairs and attract the attention of 'dialer guy' to reverse the process. On their way they must avoid giant spiders, the base cat and giant cowpats.
Originally posted by Dave
This time both his brain and his ego begin to grow to monstrous proportions, and he will need an urgent operation to have his ego removed.

Are you sure this isn't the sub-story to the spin-off series "Who Wants to Be This Week's Stargate Producer:A behind the scenes guide to wrecking a good sci-fi series" ??

*bah-hrum, ching!*

Episode: Whosay Yousay
The newly discovered universal translators are actually quite flawed. Hilarity insues as the team tries to extract themselves from collosal misunderstandings. It is finally discovered that the devices been set to the galactic equivliant of pig Latin.

Rumor: The team discovers a treasure trove of ancient technology including a ship featuring a revolutionary propulsion method. It's dubbed the "Piddle Pumper" and proves to be a favorite of the team's pilot, a talking dog named Shawn.
Rumor: In the 4th episode of the new series the Atlantis team
gets a new robotic team member. It's latter discovered that
this robot is actually an alien port-a-potty.
Rumour: A new member is to join the Stargate Atlantis team; an alien called 'Tim the Enchanter' from the planet Aaaaaaaag! Following an audio only message received through the Gate that simply says "Ni!", the team then begin a 5-episode-arc to recover the 'Holy Grail'.
Guest Director Mel Gibson
Rumor: During the 5th episode in the series a UPS guy walks in
to the new base with a delivery, but it turns out that the package
was for the guy across the street.

Rumor: Stitch from Disney’s Lilo & Stitch makes a guest appearance
in a dream sequence where Stitch is an invading alien.
Episode: Dieing to join. Season 2.

Summary: The Atlantis needs new recruits after the devastating cow attack in
the season finally.

Scene: In the equipment room new recruits suit up in preparation for there first mission.

Recruit #1: Hey why are all these uniforms red?

Recruit #2: Maybe we are going to a planet with a red sun?

Recruit #3: Nope. A Star Trek writer did the script this episode.
Originally posted by McHorde-Trooper
Recruit #3: Nope. A Star Trek writer did the script this episode.
Or William Shatner/Leonard Nimoy/Patrick Stewart etc.
Episode: Boredom

Members of the Atlantis team begin disappearing, one at a time, begining with Dr McKay, but no one notices, until... there's no one left.

Oh Sorry! This has now become an SG-1 Season 8 script instead!
Plot summary:

The team losses all there projectile weapons (guns and
missiles). Unfortunately Frank, the evil giant lizard, is
immune to Zat guns and all the high tech laser weapons
the team has.

See the comedy that ensues as the team make improvised
weapons out of what ever they can find.


Person 1: "What makes you think that a Chicken launcher
will save the day?"

Person 2: "Well it's better than toilet paper launcher."

The team discovers that Frank's automated defense
systems only register non-organic materials. Frank gets hit
in the eye with a chicken, which sends Frank home crying.