DISCUSSION THREAD -- August 75 Word Challenge

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Another tough month:

Luiglin: I loved the take on the conventional
Paranoid Marvin: one of 3 poems in my short list
Hex: dialogue is spot on, voice is so bright, and funny
Starbeast: I laughed at this one.
Chrispy: I loved it at the start and still loved it last night
Fleugel Meister: Another that made me laugh
Perp: lovely flow, really nicely told

I got it down to Hex, Chrispy and Perp

And I'm going for Chrispy and if he wins, I apologise in advance.

(PS if anyone is listening - something for the sci fi guys next month: we've had a lot of fantasy recently. Please... :))
 
Down to my voting...it was hard this month...

Longlisted
Abernovo
Karn
MemoryTale

Shortlisted
ratsy
stormcrow
johnnyjet

The Final
chrispy
Perp

I spent an age deciding between you both...chrispy - you managed not only to get ungulates into your poem, but you managed to fit it in with rhymes, and not half rhymes either...a very amusing poem...Perp - you created a haunting piece, despair and acceptance, wonderful, and a really beautiful ending line...I love final words which leave meaningful thoughts, and stick with you, and yours was just glorious.

So, I chose...and I chose Perp :)


Oh my a vote! I got a vote! Thank you Karn :) you have made my day :D
 
Mentions

Springs, RJ Dando, Grimbear, Flugel Meister, Mosaix, Hairbrain, Dozmonic and EricWard (welcome as well).

My vote has gone to Hex.
 
Ooh here I am wondering just how so many people posted stories in the last day or two of voting, trying to catch up with comments that I seemed to be on top of, and I realise I've not only been drawn into a head to head with Chris, no once but twice an honour indeed!

Many thanks for the short listing Springs, and a flabbergasted thanks for the vote kylara.

Now a cup of tea and back to the comm... I mean work.
 
And up come the next batch of belated comments - there will be more, hopefully tonight to square things off.


James Coote – Sometimes people are touched with empathy to the extent that they can do the most unwise of things with the most emotional of reasons. Seeing another creature suffering, even though it might be the worse thing alive, to take it up and care for it might seem to be the kindest thing, but who knows what it will become as it ages. And no matter how much kindness you show, it will never love you.

Phyrebrat – How frustrating would it be, to see you love just a few feet away, to reach out and try and touch, yet, no matter how close you got, something quite mundane ‘just doing it’s job’ could so easily keep you apart. Excellent.

Doz – What appealed to me most about this entry was the feeling of almost an eternity of love squeezed into just one day. There is little more to say what is going on other than the beautiful use of words throughout, until the last few lines, and there we once again get the warning about loving those that are fey.

Teresa – There is nothing sweet in this tale that catches the heart of a classic and turns it onto something else. Just because someone might be the right person to break a curse, does not mean that he is going to. There is a chance of failure, and in failure the story needs to be resolved, but that does not mean that the characters are perfect for one another and we are left with emotional suffering and pain.

Spellblade – There is something that I felt was just sad at the heart of this one. A brilliant idea mind you, all the trappings of a fairy tale, wrapped up in something a little more real, a little technical perhaps even sordid. And yet it still kept it’s core, which was clever and well written.

HE – I think this catches the heart of a unrequited love, especially when a third part is involved. If you truly love someone then it is easy to let them go, no matter what ache it cause you, however that does not mean the rival has to be let off so lightly. Great idea.

TSP – I’m not sure whether I was meant to but I had to grin at this one. It started off so well, filling my head with images of ardent lasses, demure in their love, then twisted things on it’s head and turned it into a psychopathic bitch determined to have her love whether he wanted it or not...

Danrama – And now sinister. I think what makes this one work so well is the beauty of the swan so well described in the opening and then the feeling that the watcher may well have an ‘honest’ desire for her, but there is something just a little too dark about him, making the whole thing inherently creepy.

BM – Another story which does not produce a pay off until the last line, just as it should be. In this case we are led down the garden path once more, our feelings automatically thinking of princess and heroic love, only to find that in the end it is little more than a flower yearning for the most nurturing hands of all.

Kiffinyjean – Something a little different and most certainly fresh. There is something truly amusing in reading these adverts from a personal common and recognising the characters from within. Really well done, getting the wording just right must have taken some serious thinking.

Parson – Another twist on the Arthurian legend, and one that is both different and entertaining, not to mention thought provoking. The idea that there might be more to the sword and that it is only our stories that make it mystical are worth consideration, but I guess for me the greatest irony is Arthur not thinking of his love for the sword, but of his queen, when the truth of the matter is that she did not love him...
 
Yipee! Vote dance!! Thank you very very much, Bowler 1 and Azzagorn.

I thought I knew who I was going to vote for and then another story kept coming back to haunt me (stunning last line...) and I haven't even read them all so I bet there are lots of other brilliant stories and it's been the craziest week and I have to make supper and then and then hopefully I'll read the stories *gasp*
 
Man oh man, I had one helluva time narrowing it down. So much talent on here.

Top ten. In no order, other than posting times:

1. Luiglin – What We Do For Love
2. R J Dando - A Queen's Reflections
3. Paranoid Marvin - Good Night, Sweet Prince
4. Hex - Shoe-erly Not
5. Scott R. Forshaw - A True Hairo
6. Hare Brain - The Maiden of the Midden
7. Phyrebrat - When the Trees are Sobbing Faintly
8. Spellblade - The Neon Princess
9. The Spurring Platty - Stealing a Kiss
10. The Judge - Straw Shows How the Wind Blows

But I think I have to cast my vote for Phyrebrat. Beautiful little tale with just enough bitterness.

Oh, and thanks for the mentions! That means a lot.
 
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Really difficult this month.

When I read paranoid marvin's poem I was completely blown away -- it's wonderful and so clever. I love the rhyme.

However, Ratsy's Out of the Dark just wouldn't get out of my head. "But I am no prince and there is no changing what I am" was so lyrical and tragic, and "This story will not have a happy ending" so chilling. I couldn't vote for anything else.

Other stories I especially loved this month:*

Teresa's Briar Rose -- beautiful and heart-breaking

mosaix's Spare a Thought -- perfect voice. Very funny.

HareBrain's The Maiden of the Midden -- 'chintzy, heart-shaped locket' makes me laugh every time I read it. And 'locket' rhymed with 'chucked it'. Genius.

hopewrites' Death by Chocolate -- lovely last line.

Phyrebrat's When the trees are sobbing faintly (great title too) -- oh the tragedy. Oh the bureaucracy.

Aun Doorback's Oh! That monstrous thing --Oh! so neat and clever.

C.A. Mitchell's Smashing Pumkins -- I just loved the dialogue.

(EDIT: got to mention TSP's story too, and Boneman's. Must stop now!)

Thank you very much for the mentions EricWard, Nixie and springs!

@ paranoid marvin -- I struggled badly trying to decide. I could really have done with two votes this month.


* not an exhaustive list
 
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Thanks for the shortlisting Eric, and Hex - your kind comments are as good as a vote to me.

I know I have already voted, but can I say a special well done this month to Ursa, for another punning story, and also Starbeast - how do you manage to be so funny every single month? I always enjoy your entries.
 
Thank you so much Hex for the vote. I am glad it stuck with you! To have the current 300 word champion vote for me means a lot. I checked the poll and saw that I actually had 2 votes so far, which made my friday thats for sure.

I can't wait to reread all of the stories and cast my own vote this weekend.

Thank to Kylara for the Shortlisting too
 
Aun - This is a superlative example of a lesson not bring learned. There are certain things that can be said that hurt, there are better ways of saying them, thus our main protagonist repeats what has just happened to her, even though she knows the pain those words would bring.

Broamalia - If there was anything that sums up how twisted and knotted love can sometimes be, it is this story. I get the feeling if there were more words allowed there would be more told here, but as it stands it works brilliantly, allowing you to interpret it first one way and then another. I've read it five time now and each time I've seen something different.

Azzagorn - A thoroughly entertaining version of the Riding Hood tale, enjoyable told from the wolf's perspective. It starts of well enough with the colour blindness showing that this really is a different way to look at things, from the his point of view all he is doing is being true to what he is. Of course all he wants to do is confess his love, little knowing that the way the humans see things might have a terminal solution to his love.

MB - A love story between trees, but a tragic one where there is no hope of uhhh cross pollination. In many ways it is perhaps simple but it makes the story all the more effective. One tree (type being) that loves another, that does not even know he exists, cannot live without that love and is blasted into oblivion in answer to his prayers. A powerful last scene, and loved the name.

Ursa - They say beauty is only skin deep, but some people would settle for that no matter what it cost in both money and pain. Here we have someone, a beast that want to look good enough for his beauty, only to find that whatever it is that makes him ugly on the inside is still there, and that she understands because she was once the same way, her beauty shallow. And she can never love him because of it.

EricWard - Here we have the case of someone being in the core of a situation, where he loves and is not loved, yet someone loves him and he does not love her, cleverly incorporating the unrequited love twice. It is a good, solid story, perhaps simple in some ways, but that only enhances that clevr bit right in the centre.

TJ - Once again we have a familiar tale (and I get mouse's mode of writing at last), here we see a more gentle form of unrequited love, where someone is prepared to sacrifice time, effort and power just to make someone else happy, to get them out of trouble and to ask for nothing in return. I think I prefer this version of the story. And I spotted the hidden bit...

C A Mitchell - In some ways this is an innocent look at love again, but it is the darker side of innocence. Not really thinking about the feelings of others can lead to broken hearts without even realising just what it is you are doing. In this instance the oblivious nature of the character is the one thing that leads to someone receiving something a little bit more than a broken heart. Have to say I particularly like the Humphrey line for some reason!

Tisiphone - And then there were twins. IN many ways a beautiful little tale that shows how things that appear identical might not actually be so, where it matters on the inside, but in the end it is the dangerous one that is the one that attracts, while the demure and probably better catch that looses out...

TE - A final entry that sums up the fairy tale with the ending that promises more just around the corner, that there is a prize that leads us to the happy.... ah, wait a minute, is this a story. Oops.
 
Thank you so much PM, your comment is highly appreciated. After reading all the other entries and reading mine a hundred times over, i realized there were things in another draft that i had in my mind but either forgot or was unable to include... I would have really benefited from a few more words, or more effective wording. i felt the last bit was very unclear.

A few mentions: Grimbear, nicely done. Its funny how innocent ideals are degraded by the mundane aspects of reality, ie. sleep-farts. Nice contrast with fairytale expectations.

Abernovo, your story was super cute. I liked the twist you made for this, the touch of setting in the second-to-last sentence helped a lot i think.

Stillearning, i loved it. Nice reimagining of the ww's motivations. I especially liked the third to last line.

Perpetual man, expertly done. Lots of gravity, with the repeated single sentence lines. I was a fan of the phrase 'rendered our world.'

There were more, that ive mentioned in prior posts, (esp. Mitchell, that Humphrey line is hilarious, i agree with PM) but im out of time. Cheers to everyone.
 
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A final entry that sums up the fairy tale with the ending that promises more just around the corner, that there is a prize that leads us to the happy.... ah, wait a minute, is this a story. Oops.

I fell into your trap there, Perp. For a moment I was actually thinking, "Wait, that's not my story!"

Sadly, if we were to list the link to the poll as an option, some people would vote for it just to be funny.
 
Perp thanks for the nice review. I loved the way you stopped and thought about the possibility that there might be something behind the legend.
 
I had fun reading all these stories.
My favourites were:

StilLearning - character (got my vote)
r j dando - gruesome
dozmonic - poetry
Teresa Edgerton - timewarp
Parson - x-caliber!
 
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