Matron's rules (87 words)

[AnyaKimlin]

These are going in the frame on the wall of a VAD hospital. I am stumped over gambling - you guys are fantastic with ideas. I would also like general feedback. (It is supposed to be a bit silly)

By the door is a picture frame containing the "Hospital Rules" written in large print.

His Majesty's Soldiers should be clean of body, clean of mind and clean of soul.

1) Alcohol is an evil spirit.

2) m*********** will make you blind. All smut and other aids to the spilling of seed will be confiscated.

3) Tobacco is loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose and harmful to the brain.

4) Gambling_____

Unless you wish to add possessed by the devil, blind and brain dead to your current ailments you will avoid all of the above.

Signed

Matron Gordon

Major Lennox

 

[Cat's Cradle]

Gambling causes the sphincter tensions that incite the dissolution of the integrity of the bowels, and leads to the spirit stresses that propagate the viral root of shingles.

And THIS is why I never gamble!

 

[AnyaKimlin]

LOL! I knew you guys would be good. And actually given the story is about getting their own back on Matron for a regime that keeps the soldiers regular (as one of my character;s put it his ass is the only part of him still running) ... brilliant I am stealing it... at least the first part.

 

[Cat's Cradle]

Glad I could help! It just seemed the bowels needed to be represented on your list. (*Sigh*, hard to believe I am posting that last sentence in a public forum. )

 

[AnyaKimlin]

Glad I could help! It just seemed the bowels needed to be represented on your list. (*Sigh*, hard to believe I am posting that last sentence in a public forum. )

It's my fault - I am going for the lowest common denominator

 

[JonH]

Gambling weakens the character, blackens the soul and leads to a pauper's grave.

 

[HareBrain]

I like CC's, but you'd need to check up on knowledge of viruses at the time (and the word viral dates from 1948, apparently).

You could also have something like "Gambling! If I need to spell out the ill effects of gambling then you are already lost."

 

[ctg]

Gambling causes death. If you suspect it, report it!

 

[AnyaKimlin]

Thanks - they are all great but CCs was just so blooming perfect the way it fitted with the whole story.

I merely went with:

4) Gambling dissolves the integrity of the bowels.

Unless you wish to add to your currents ailments by being possessed by the devil, blind and brain dead with soiled underwear then you will avoid all of the above.

Signed

Matron Gordon

Major Lennox

 

[GDobkins]

Are these like those cider house rules only without any of the 'please'?

 

[AnyaKimlin]

I have to confess to ignorance - the book has been on my to read list for a long time. They are the rules of a VAD hospital set by Matron and The Major. One of the patients is a priest and with the help of two nuns they circumvent the rules. The nuns grow certain plants and have a still which produces gin. There are certainly no please and Matron has an obsession with her soldiers being clean inside and out - she's a fan of laxatives and enemas.