I'm struggling with this. What I'm trying to get across is the thoughts that Kare is having about Silom, and how Silom's life was changed by events. So, they are Kare's thoughts, but they reflect what he thinks Silom, his friend, is thinking. I can't fall back on my old default of dialogue because I genuinely don't think they would ever, actually, talk about this. They're that funny word, begins with M; oh yeah, men. (joking!)
So, firstly does it sound like it switches heads, or does it stay enough in Kare's head to be clearly his thoughts? If it does switch, any idea how to do something like this without head hopping?
The two men walked to the door of the hospital wing, and stood in the sunshine of the early summer day at the base. Kare glanced at Silom and remembered Dignad with its angry red skies and sparse vegetation. He compared it to the lush planet in front of them; its jungle vegetation constantly threatening to encroach on the base and the bright sun giving real heat, not smoggy comfort.
This wasn’t where Silom had expected to be, Kare thought. He’d planned to be with Debs, have a couple of kids, and a job in the yard, like most of the blokes he’d grown up with. But, it was more than Kare had ever hoped to have. I don’t want to go to Abendau, I don’t want to face its desert winds, or my mother. I was planned there, I was conceived and born there, and I knew I’d have to go back one day. But I don’t want to, any more than Silom wanted to leave Dignad.
So, firstly does it sound like it switches heads, or does it stay enough in Kare's head to be clearly his thoughts? If it does switch, any idea how to do something like this without head hopping?
The two men walked to the door of the hospital wing, and stood in the sunshine of the early summer day at the base. Kare glanced at Silom and remembered Dignad with its angry red skies and sparse vegetation. He compared it to the lush planet in front of them; its jungle vegetation constantly threatening to encroach on the base and the bright sun giving real heat, not smoggy comfort.
This wasn’t where Silom had expected to be, Kare thought. He’d planned to be with Debs, have a couple of kids, and a job in the yard, like most of the blokes he’d grown up with. But, it was more than Kare had ever hoped to have. I don’t want to go to Abendau, I don’t want to face its desert winds, or my mother. I was planned there, I was conceived and born there, and I knew I’d have to go back one day. But I don’t want to, any more than Silom wanted to leave Dignad.