A poem (non genre) I faintly remember from school

[Danny McG]

It was at least 55 years ago that I last heard this - listening to someone struggling to read it at school.

What I remember:-
It was about a schoolboys football (soccer) game.
None of the boy's real names were used - it was school nicknames throughout.

It went something like :-
"Fatty passed to Fishface"
"Fishface tried to go around Beanpole, but Four-eyes intercepted and headed it out to Spotty"
And on and on in a similar manner for a couple of pages.

Anyone?

 

[PaulMmn]

Something Homer & Jethro performed?
Maybe Andy Griffith-- he had done a story about a back-woods type at his first football game...

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

Something Homer & Jethro performed?
Maybe Andy Griffith-- he had done a story about a back-woods type at his first football game...

"What It Was Was Football" by Andy Griffith ... I remember it fondly! My parents owned a record album of Griffith telling stories, and we listened to that one over and over (also his versions of Romeo and Juliet and Swan Lake, but the rest I don't remember, so perhaps not as funny).

But that was about American football, not British schoolboys playing soccer, and it doesn't otherwise sound similar to what Danny describes, so I doubt that was it.

 

[Snicklefritz]

We too listened to that monologue repeatedly. (My, those were different times....)

Sorry, Danny, it's certainly not your story.

"What It Was Was Football" by Andy Griffith ... I remember it fondly! My parents owned a record album of Griffith telling stories, and we listened to that one over and over (also his versions of Romeo and Juliet and Swan Lake, but the rest I don't remember, so perhaps not as funny).

But that was about American football, not British schoolboys playing soccer, and it doesn't otherwise sound similar to what Danny describes, so I doubt that was it.

 

[Snicklefritz]

@Danny McG

A schoolboy take off on a Lonnie Donegan ballad from the 1950s. ??

My old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He bought two thousand tickets
to see a football match
Fatty passed to Skinny,
Skinny passed it back
Fatty took a rotten shot and knocked the goalie flat.
Where was the goalie when the ball went in the net?
Half way up the post, with his trousers round his neck
Singing "Ooompa! Looompa! Stick it up your joomper!"
Rule Brittania
Marmalade and Jam
Oompah, oompah
Stick it up you jumper
Rule Britannia, marmalde and jam
We threw sausages at our old man
They put him on a stetcher
They put him on a bed
We rubbed his belly with a five pound jelly
but the poor old soul was dead.

 

[hitmouse]

@Danny McG

A schoolboy take off on a Lonnie Donegan ballad from the 1950s. ??

My old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He bought two thousand tickets
to see a football match
Fatty passed to Skinny,
Skinny passed it back
Fatty took a rotten shot and knocked the goalie flat.
Where was the goalie when the ball went in the net?
Half way up the post, with his trousers round his neck
Singing "Ooompa! Looompa! Stick it up your joomper!"
Rule Brittania
Marmalade and Jam
Oompah, oompah
Stick it up you jumper
Rule Britannia, marmalde and jam
We threw sausages at our old man
They put him on a stetcher
They put him on a bed
We rubbed his belly with a five pound jelly
but the poor old soul was dead.

The version I knew as a kid goes:

My old man’s a dustman
He wears a dustman’s hat
He wears gor blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat

 

[Danny McG]

None of the above, some amusing guesses though.

It was definitely English soccer, not American football - and not a song, I think there was a rhyme in every 4th line of it (maybe not rhyming at all) but there was like a cadence to it.

I wasn't paying too much attention as somebody stumbled over basic reading, I tended to tune those losers out.

However I seem to recall the teacher losing patience and taking the book, then it was delivered in a more suitable manner and I took a bit of notice