Western blurb help, please


Well-Known Member
Dec 13, 2015
Tennessee, USA
I'm nearly done with the manuscript and was looking for the storyline for the back of the book. What do you think of this blurb? The story is set in 1898.

Mexican bandit Maxilliano Cabal is ravaging California's border towns stealing cattle. John Casey sets out to rescue his beloved wife, Mary in exchange for 50 Winchesters. John is accompanied by Bear Claws. Double-crossing the Mexicans, he is hunted on their land and the only reliable help he has is the Apache.
What works: Lays out the major players and one character's main motivation.
What doesn't: The logical connections need to be clarified. Did Cabal kidnap Mary? "Bear-Claws" needs more explanation. Not clear why John double crosses the Mexicans. The blurb should raise questions like this, but it leaves me confused in a bad way.

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