POV character's internal thoughts

[msstice]

How best (least intrusively, with least confusion) to write internal monologue in close third person?

The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. "Am I getting old?" she thought. "I used to love company."

The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. Am I getting old? I used to love company.

The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. Was she getting old? She used to love company.

 

[Steve Harrison]

I think they all work (consistency is the key), though my preference is italics. I tend to mix the first two at the beginning of a novel, like below, just to get the reader into the right mindset. After that, when I believe the reader must have 'got it,' I throw in thoughts in italics with attributing them to the POV character.

The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. Am I getting old? she wondered. I used to love company.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

I have no problems with any of the three if the writing is skillful, but I prefer to use italics myself.

 

[HareBrain]

I like a mix of #2 and #3 (not #1). I prefer italicised direct thoughts to be kept short, because it strains credibility (for me) to have characters thinking internally in long and complex sentences (unless they're deliberately doing that -- "thinking aloud in silence" as it were).

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I like a mix of #2 and #3 (not #1). I prefer italicised direct thoughts to be kept short, because it strains credibility (for me) to have characters thinking internally in long and complex sentences (unless they're deliberately doing that -- "thinking aloud in silence" as it were).

Pretty much this here, too

 

[Wayne Mack]

For a long section of internal thought, I mostly use third person, past tense in normal font and highlight key thoughts in first person, present tense in italics. It may be a personal preference, but I don't like the look of long blocks of italicized text. I try to minimize the use of tags and I find that it is usually quite clear that it is thought without the tag.

I do not use quotation marks for internal thought.

 

[jacksimmons]

None of the above. @msstice’s example can be rendered like this, ‘The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. Was she getting old? She used to love company.’

Unless you’re in an omniscient POV I find very little reason to italicise thoughts, or separate them from usual text. Usually, in third person, everything is from the character’s perspective anyway.

 

[Steve Harrison]

None of the above. @msstice’s example can be rendered like this, ‘The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. Was she getting old? She used to love company.’

Unless you’re in an omniscient POV I find very little reason to italicise thoughts, or separate them from usual text. Usually, in third person, everything is from the character’s perspective anyway.

I understand that approach, but I like to carefully place insightful, scathing, biting (or whatever) direct thoughts from the POV character, which are aimed at providing additional depth and colour to - and the reader's understanding of - the character, in contrast to the generally 'diplomatic' observations of my POV characters.

That's my intention, anyway

 

[sknox]

To me, the third example is less close. It feels closer to the narrator making these comments in an omniscient perspective, where the narrator can "speak" for any of the characters.

I use the second. The first form gets too close to dialogue, especially if the internal thoughts occur during a dialogue scene.

The place where it gets messy for me is with foreign words, which I also italicize. If the foreign word falls within the thought, then I change nothing. For example: Merde, he thought, this is going to get difficult. But sometimes the word falls close to the internal thought. For example:
The whole business was ad hoc, but doable. Sure, he thought, just don't include me.

In such cases, I will usually just re-work the passage to smooth out the rough patch. Nevertheless, the narrative will inevitably throw a bolo around your feet every once in a while, no matter what approach you take.

 

[msstice]

To me, the third example is less close. It feels closer to the narrator making these comments in an omniscient perspective, where the narrator can "speak" for any of the characters.

That's good to know. There is some widespread advice about voicy writing (infused subjectivity), which I've interpreted as describing things using language, metaphors and mood that the character would use, rather than the more objective, neutral tone of a distant omniscient narrator.

 

[The Big Peat]

I dislike 1. Treating it as speech makes it confusing.

I am happy with either of 2 or 3, but lean towards 3, and wouldn't always italicise 2. I think you can mix and match them well enough.

 

[Omits]

To me, the third example is less close. It feels closer to the narrator making these comments in an omniscient perspective, where the narrator can "speak" for any of the characters.

I use the second. The first form gets too close to dialogue, especially if the internal thoughts occur during a dialogue scene.

The place where it gets messy for me is with foreign words, which I also italicize. If the foreign word falls within the thought, then I change nothing. For example: Merde, he thought, this is going to get difficult. But sometimes the word falls close to the internal thought. For example:
The whole business was ad hoc, but doable. Sure, he thought, just don't include me.

In such cases, I will usually just re-work the passage to smooth out the rough patch. Nevertheless, the narrative will inevitably throw a bolo around your feet every once in a while, no matter what approach you take.

Hey! Bola!?

 

[Omits]

How best (least intrusively, with least confusion) to write internal monologue in close third person?

The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. "Am I getting old?" she thought. "I used to love company."

The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. Am I getting old? I used to love company.

The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. Was she getting old? She used to love company.

Speech uttered = Quotes + normal text font, Thoughts, telepathy, etc. (anything not uttered) Italics.

 

[F.J. Hansen]

How best (least intrusively, with least confusion) to write internal monologue in close third person?

The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. "Am I getting old?" she thought. "I used to love company."

The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. Am I getting old? I used to love company.

The three of them together made her living room uncomfortably packed. Was she getting old? She used to love company.

I've been doing the second option but without the italics, stemming from my last three books where I had a race of telepathic dragons, which included many of my POV characters. All of their dialogue was italicized. It would have been confusing had I also italicized their internal thoughts.

 

[sknox]

Hey! Bola!?

Uff da.
But now I'm picturing someone bringing down an enemy with a swift fling of their bolo tie!