AOS (Adjective Overuse Syndrome)
- Thread starter JS Wiig
- Start date
Sometimes I have the same problem.
I would say, don't worry about it until your second pass in editing.
Then cut a bunch out.
While doing so, ask yourself if there's a more specific noun you could have used or if the sentence survives just fine without the adjective.
Or could the adjective become the noun?
Such as:
The behemoth airship descended from the clouds. I'd never seen one so massive.
The behemoth descended from the clouds. I'd never seen an airship so massive.
That's just a couple of things I try to do. I'm sure others will have great responses that I am too and eager to read
I would say, don't worry about it until your second pass in editing.
Then cut a bunch out.
While doing so, ask yourself if there's a more specific noun you could have used or if the sentence survives just fine without the adjective.
Or could the adjective become the noun?
Such as:
The behemoth airship descended from the clouds. I'd never seen one so massive.
The behemoth descended from the clouds. I'd never seen an airship so massive.
That's just a couple of things I try to do. I'm sure others will have great responses that I am too and eager to read
sule
"What I do is me: for that I came."
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2020
- Messages
- 431
In my opinion, oftentimes an author overuses adjectives because they have a specific vision in mind and want to make sure that the same vision makes it across the page to the reader. That is a choice of style for many practiced authors. However, I think a lot of newer writers lean on extraneous adjectives because they worry their point won't be fully understood without so many words spelling it out. Sometimes a phrase does need so many adjectives to get the point across, but often the writer needs to trust that the reader will get their meaning in fewer words. So, one of the most important things to do is to understand what you're trying to say in a sentence or paragraph and to find the best words or phrases that capture that meaning.
If you will allow me to be so presumptuous as to adjust a few lines from your 75 word story with my own imperfect hand:
ORIGINAL:
“How do you know?” asked her young grandson.
MY ATTEMPT:
"How d'you know?" her grandson lisped.
(This is my attempt to get across to the reader the sense that the grandson is young without resorting to using the word, "young." It's pretty rough, but you may get the idea.)
ORIGINAL:
From a dusty shoebox hidden away long ago during the Mage revolution, she pulled a yellowed photograph.
(This one could do mainly with an excision of the phrase "long ago," as the "dusty shoebox" and "yellowed photograph" in my opinion already get across the idea of a distant memory, which I assumed you were going for).
So, it's just a matter of practicing with your prose in getting across an idea in as few words as possible (especially for flash fiction) or in ways that don't require as many adjectives.
If you will allow me to be so presumptuous as to adjust a few lines from your 75 word story with my own imperfect hand:
ORIGINAL:
“How do you know?” asked her young grandson.
MY ATTEMPT:
"How d'you know?" her grandson lisped.
(This is my attempt to get across to the reader the sense that the grandson is young without resorting to using the word, "young." It's pretty rough, but you may get the idea.)
ORIGINAL:
From a dusty shoebox hidden away long ago during the Mage revolution, she pulled a yellowed photograph.
(This one could do mainly with an excision of the phrase "long ago," as the "dusty shoebox" and "yellowed photograph" in my opinion already get across the idea of a distant memory, which I assumed you were going for).
So, it's just a matter of practicing with your prose in getting across an idea in as few words as possible (especially for flash fiction) or in ways that don't require as many adjectives.
luriantimetraveler
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2021
- Messages
- 84
Keep doing the challenges. Choose a ludicrously complicated tale. Get it down to 75 words. The more complex the more you’ll destroy everything that’s superfluous.
Also you can give me some of your adjectives. I could do with more.
Also you can give me some of your adjectives. I could do with more.
tinkerdan
∞<Q-Satis
The importance of the too many adjectives and I suppose also too many adverbs is that some times the advice falls short of helpfulness because there are two important yet almost diametrically opposed instances of this.
What I mean is that in many cases it refers to strings of adjectives that describe something that might be described better with just one word.
However there is the one instance that has all these adjectives without any strong descriptors and then there are those that have all these adjectives inexplicably propping up the one strong descriptor.
I was unaware of the second case until someone brought it to my attention by mentioning how it was a shame that I had that one strong word hidden under the pile of adjectives that made it appear so weak.
One important thing, for me, is that I'm trying to convey a specific feeling, mood, or even reaction, in a way that best describes how it affects me, to the reader. So, I have to ask myself if that single word really does convey what I want and if not if there is a better word and if not then how many of those accessory adjectives can I remove before I lose the sense of what I mean to say. It can be a tough call because sometimes you just are not going to achieve what you set out to achieve with every reader and you have to ultimately decide if what you are doing there is important enough to put in all that extra steerage or if it might be best to trust the reader to understand it with the fewest words that might let them .get the proper drift
What I mean is that in many cases it refers to strings of adjectives that describe something that might be described better with just one word.
However there is the one instance that has all these adjectives without any strong descriptors and then there are those that have all these adjectives inexplicably propping up the one strong descriptor.
I was unaware of the second case until someone brought it to my attention by mentioning how it was a shame that I had that one strong word hidden under the pile of adjectives that made it appear so weak.
One important thing, for me, is that I'm trying to convey a specific feeling, mood, or even reaction, in a way that best describes how it affects me, to the reader. So, I have to ask myself if that single word really does convey what I want and if not if there is a better word and if not then how many of those accessory adjectives can I remove before I lose the sense of what I mean to say. It can be a tough call because sometimes you just are not going to achieve what you set out to achieve with every reader and you have to ultimately decide if what you are doing there is important enough to put in all that extra steerage or if it might be best to trust the reader to understand it with the fewest words that might let them .get the proper drift
Many new writers put on a fake "writerly" voice which results in really overdone text. The lesson is to learn to write naturally - using your natural "voice".
@Brian G Turner I’ve definitely noticed as I write more and gain confidence that I’m able to relax a bit and write what I want to write the way I want to write it, rather that write it the way I think it’s supposed to be written.
If that makes any sense...
If that makes any sense...
tinkerdan
∞<Q-Satis
This is a good thought and I think as writers we should be aware of it.
More often I think it is a new writer not always knowing the best words to use and I think that's where it becomes important to do those edits as has been mentioned. Edits done with the thought of finding the right word to replace the jumble of words that sound so florid.
The problem is, unless they consciously put on a fake 'writerly' voice. they will need someone to point some of this out to them until they can better identify the problem. I'm not sure how closely Fake Writerly Voice describes the problem I once had someone objecting to the slight florid overuse of adjectives by calling it Forced Anime and when I tried to frame a question to get further information it struck up against the usual sensitivity of on line forum rules, getting my question and the post sanctioned. And just to be precise here is what the question was Does anyone know what Forced Anime means? So unless they can ask what is Fake Writerly Voice it's not a lot of help. I will grant that if you use google and search finding Fake Writerly Voice will yield results where Forced Anime might not(it didn't at the time). So they throw your advice away and until someone points out the Overuse of Adjectives and Adverbs they really don't have a clue.
For instance:
Googling writerly voice gets this for me.
What is a writerly voice?
A writer's tone, choice of words, selection of subject matter, and even punctuation make up the authorial voice. How an author writes conveys their attitude, personality, and character. The author's voice is often so distinctive that it's possible to identify the author by merely reading a selection of their work.
Umm. This seems to be Writer's voice or Authors voice but clearly it ask the question what is writerly voice.
Next is an example of the one thing I did find using fake writerly voice search.
Now let's examine what Chekhov said.
It is intelligible when I write, “The man sat down on the grass”; it is intelligible because it is clear and does not impede the reader’s attention. Conversely, I will be unintelligible and tax the reader’s brain if I write: “The tall, narrow-chested man of average build, who had a short, red beard, sat down on the green grass, already trampled by passerby; sat down noiselessly, timidly, and fearfully glancing around him.” One’s brain cannot grasp this at once, yet fiction must be grasped at once, on the spot.
– Anton Chekhov to Maxim Gorki
This example is compelling; however there is much more going on that is wrong here than just adjectives.
I think there is a need to be sure to explain that writerly can be good and is used in a lot of literature.
False writerly might look like Chekhov's example. And that is clearly bad for many more reasons than just the overuse of adjectives.
Clearly someone is trying to squeeze in character description and for some reason excess description of the grass when all that is happening is that a man sat down on the grass.
Then consider what is called purple prose and the usual example.
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
Or my own shameful addition as an example in a recent post about translations(when I pondered the translation of Florid literary English text to some other language ).
After the funeral, the procession arrived and perched at the pub where the usual din and cacophony of voices nearly drown out the celebration of a life now washed out in the wake of too much ale and abundant memories that through the remainder of the night rested a soul beneath the detritus of unbridled good intention, until all that remained, near the break of dawn, was an uncertain ghost and the sobering sorrow of his lads.
-----
now those examples might be what comes to mind as Writerly and some might call them Fake Writerly.
They don't seem nearly as horrible as the example from Chekhov.
I'm definitely unclear as to all of what Fake Writerly might be though I can picture it containing too many adjectives and adverbs and descriptions and descriptors
However:
More often I think it is a new writer not always knowing the best words to use and I think that's where it becomes important to do those edits as has been mentioned. Edits done with the thought of finding the right word to replace the jumble of words that sound so florid.
The problem is, unless they consciously put on a fake 'writerly' voice. they will need someone to point some of this out to them until they can better identify the problem. I'm not sure how closely Fake Writerly Voice describes the problem I once had someone objecting to the slight florid overuse of adjectives by calling it Forced Anime and when I tried to frame a question to get further information it struck up against the usual sensitivity of on line forum rules, getting my question and the post sanctioned. And just to be precise here is what the question was Does anyone know what Forced Anime means? So unless they can ask what is Fake Writerly Voice it's not a lot of help. I will grant that if you use google and search finding Fake Writerly Voice will yield results where Forced Anime might not(it didn't at the time). So they throw your advice away and until someone points out the Overuse of Adjectives and Adverbs they really don't have a clue.
For instance:
Googling writerly voice gets this for me.
What is a writerly voice?
A writer's tone, choice of words, selection of subject matter, and even punctuation make up the authorial voice. How an author writes conveys their attitude, personality, and character. The author's voice is often so distinctive that it's possible to identify the author by merely reading a selection of their work.
Umm. This seems to be Writer's voice or Authors voice but clearly it ask the question what is writerly voice.
Next is an example of the one thing I did find using fake writerly voice search.
Now let's examine what Chekhov said.
It is intelligible when I write, “The man sat down on the grass”; it is intelligible because it is clear and does not impede the reader’s attention. Conversely, I will be unintelligible and tax the reader’s brain if I write: “The tall, narrow-chested man of average build, who had a short, red beard, sat down on the green grass, already trampled by passerby; sat down noiselessly, timidly, and fearfully glancing around him.” One’s brain cannot grasp this at once, yet fiction must be grasped at once, on the spot.
– Anton Chekhov to Maxim Gorki
This example is compelling; however there is much more going on that is wrong here than just adjectives.
I think there is a need to be sure to explain that writerly can be good and is used in a lot of literature.
False writerly might look like Chekhov's example. And that is clearly bad for many more reasons than just the overuse of adjectives.
Clearly someone is trying to squeeze in character description and for some reason excess description of the grass when all that is happening is that a man sat down on the grass.
Then consider what is called purple prose and the usual example.
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
Or my own shameful addition as an example in a recent post about translations(when I pondered the translation of Florid literary English text to some other language ).
After the funeral, the procession arrived and perched at the pub where the usual din and cacophony of voices nearly drown out the celebration of a life now washed out in the wake of too much ale and abundant memories that through the remainder of the night rested a soul beneath the detritus of unbridled good intention, until all that remained, near the break of dawn, was an uncertain ghost and the sobering sorrow of his lads.
-----
now those examples might be what comes to mind as Writerly and some might call them Fake Writerly.
They don't seem nearly as horrible as the example from Chekhov.
I'm definitely unclear as to all of what Fake Writerly might be though I can picture it containing too many adjectives and adverbs and descriptions and descriptors
Last edited:
Another issue I’ve been working on is a lot of my previous writing involved song lyrics, which I made a point of being obtuse and using words in less than obvious ways.
I think my attempts at fiction writing have maybe swung the pendulum a bit to the side of over explanation. Will continue searching for that balance. With y’alls help of course!
I think my attempts at fiction writing have maybe swung the pendulum a bit to the side of over explanation. Will continue searching for that balance. With y’alls help of course!
>I’d appreciate any tips or advice on tempering my addiction.
Did you meant to say
"I'd greatly appreciate any and all tips or insightful advice on eventually tempering my burdensome addiction."
One thing you said struck me (forcibly). That you are getting past writing how you think you *ought* to write. That's important.
Very important.
Maybe you could try writing something--a short story or a scene--entirely without adjectives, just to see how far you get. Or, to follow tinkerdan's example, write however, then make a conscious editing pass devoted strictly to examining adjectives and adverbs, stripping out as many as you can without losing the sense of the sentence. Sometimes, allocating a writerly tic to its own editing pass can heighten awareness. As you become more aware, you start catching the problem before it blossoms (purple blossoms, naturally) on the page.
In any event, take heart. You see the issue. The real problems are the ones the author doesn't notice.
Did you meant to say
"I'd greatly appreciate any and all tips or insightful advice on eventually tempering my burdensome addiction."
One thing you said struck me (forcibly). That you are getting past writing how you think you *ought* to write. That's important.
Very important.
Maybe you could try writing something--a short story or a scene--entirely without adjectives, just to see how far you get. Or, to follow tinkerdan's example, write however, then make a conscious editing pass devoted strictly to examining adjectives and adverbs, stripping out as many as you can without losing the sense of the sentence. Sometimes, allocating a writerly tic to its own editing pass can heighten awareness. As you become more aware, you start catching the problem before it blossoms (purple blossoms, naturally) on the page.
In any event, take heart. You see the issue. The real problems are the ones the author doesn't notice.
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