to , or not to,

Culhwch

Lost Boy
Staff member
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#2
More commas! All the commas! Commas for everyone!

Okay, so I might have a comma problem...

Do you have an example of where you are having troubles? That might be a good starting point for some advice.
 

chrispenycate

resident pedantissimo
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#3
Read your piece out loud. Anywhere you pause for breath, that's a comma. Anywhere an idea comes to a natural end, that's a full stop (period). Any time an idea is carried on, or contrasted with another, while each section contains a complete subject/verb structure (ie, can stand on its own as a sentence) that's confusing - sometimes a semicolon, sometimes a dash - but using a comma in this instance, once anathema, is now frequently tolerated (except by me - you will find many examples of my red-penning 'comma splices').

If a brand new sequence starts, new paragraph. (that one's easy).

Did we never do commas in the toolbox? Perhaps I should write a specific piece on the rhythmic use of punctuation.
 
Joined
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#4
(except by me - you will find many examples of my red-penning 'comma splices').
What's your take on em dash-splicing? I find in revision my pages are littered -- and I mean littered, something ten to fifteen a page -- with fragmented thoughts linked in an endless cycle of dashes.

Perhaps I should write a specific piece on the rhythmic use of punctuation.
Joke aside, please do. I'd love to read it.
 

logan_run

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2013
Messages
260
#5
Here is something i wrote..on another website.

In the short time John F. Kennedy had been president of the United States many events had taken place.
from the bay of pigs invasion. cuban missile crisis.civil rights legislation stalling in congress.
Kennedy told his advisors "i would bet you ten to one in 64 i will be facing Governor Rockefeller in 64.
As president Kennedy got up from air force one he took his wife. jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy by the hand. as they left airforce one and took the steps on Dallas Texas airport.
"you cant say Dallas doesn't love you.:Governor Connally told president kennedy at the airport his wife of many years elle was by his side..
The president .The governor their wives got in the 1981 dark blue convertible and made their way to their destination. plaza hotel.
special agent william Greer.is driving .Roy Kellerman is in the vehicle as well.
Else where Former vice president Richard Nixon is waiting for a taxi. finally much to Nixon's relief a taxi comes..after losing the 1962 gubernatorial election to Governor of California Edmund Brown Nixon had put other things besides politics in his mind..
Sorry i took so long mr. Nixon the taxi driver tells the former presidential candidate.Nixon does not say a word but goes into the taxi..
'No one will notice i am in dallas.like no one will remember in 5 years j.f.k visited Dallas on November 22 1963/
John F. Kennedy had nearly defeated then Vice President Nixon in 1960.now he was beginning his reelection campaign, It nearly ended on this date.From out of nowhere shots rang out.disrupting the harmony of the ocasion.
One shot missed president kennedy but another hit governor Connolly instantly killing him.
News of the assassination attempt spread like wild fire. a woman in Dallas Texas went into a taxi .
Did you hear
President Kennedy had been shot ?She looked in the back of the taxi to find Former Vice president Richard Nixon was siting there.Both Nixon and the woman stared at a each other for a moment before she took a seat.As Vice president lyndon Johnson get"s our of the bathroom at his hotel .A nervous secret service Agent pull"s a gun at the vice president.Woah that was a close one Lyndon Johnson vice president of the United States of America said to himself breathing a huge sigh of relief he was not shot to death
 

RJM Corbet

Deus Pascus Corvus
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Devon UK
#6
Here is something i wrote..on another website.

In the short time John F. Kennedy had been president of the United States many events had taken place.
from the bay of pigs invasion. cuban missile crisis.civil rights legislation stalling in congress.
Kennedy told his advisors "i would bet you ten to one in 64 i will be facing Governor Rockefeller in 64.
As president Kennedy got up from air force one he took his wife. jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy by the hand. as they left airforce one and took the steps on Dallas Texas airport.
"you cant say Dallas doesn't love you.:Governor Connally told president kennedy at the airport his wife of many years elle was by his side..
The president .The governor their wives got in the 1981 dark blue convertible and made their way to their destination. plaza hotel.
special agent william Greer.is driving .Roy Kellerman is in the vehicle as well.
Else where Former vice president Richard Nixon is waiting for a taxi. finally much to Nixon's relief a taxi comes..after losing the 1962 gubernatorial election to Governor of California Edmund Brown Nixon had put other things besides politics in his mind..
Sorry i took so long mr. Nixon the taxi driver tells the former presidential candidate.Nixon does not say a word but goes into the taxi..
'No one will notice i am in dallas.like no one will remember in 5 years j.f.k visited Dallas on November 22 1963/
John F. Kennedy had nearly defeated then Vice President Nixon in 1960.now he was beginning his reelection campaign, It nearly ended on this date.From out of nowhere shots rang out.disrupting the harmony of the ocasion.
One shot missed president kennedy but another hit governor Connolly instantly killing him.
News of the assassination attempt spread like wild fire. a woman in Dallas Texas went into a taxi .
Did you hear
President Kennedy had been shot ?She looked in the back of the taxi to find Former Vice president Richard Nixon was siting there.Both Nixon and the woman stared at a each other for a moment before she took a seat.As Vice president lyndon Johnson get"s our of the bathroom at his hotel .A nervous secret service Agent pull"s a gun at the vice president.Woah that was a close one Lyndon Johnson vice president of the United States of America said to himself breathing a huge sigh of relief he was not shot to death
Sigh. I suspect, several interventions to the punctuation of this piece, not just commas ...
 
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chrispenycate

resident pedantissimo
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#7
[QUOTE="logan_run, post: 2291813, member: 35906"

In the short time John F. Kennedy had been[/Quote]'had been' before what occurred? generally the pluperfect will be used relative to a specific past time.
president of the United States many events had taken place.
you could try a colon here for launching the list, but then you wouldn't really need the 'from the'. List items can be separated with commas, except for the last one, which takes a conjunction, in this case 'and'. While Cuba needs a capital (upper case 'C'. so…
the bay of pigs invasion, Cuban missile crisis and civil rights legislation stalling in congress.
Kennedy told his advisors "i
Capital 'I' for personal pronoun
would bet you ten to one in 64 i will be facing Governor Rockefeller in 64.
Don't need the repetition of 'in 64' capital 'P'
president Kennedy got up from air force one he took his wife.
no full stop, and if you use a comma you need another after 'Kennedy' And Jackie deserves a capital 'J'
jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy by the hand.
No punctuation
as they left airforce one and took the steps on Dallas
Was it already Dallas/Fort Worth? Anyway, 'Texas' should be stood off with a comma.
Texas airport.
"
Capital 'Y' Apostrophe(can't)
say Dallas doesn't love you
Comma, close quotation marks
.:Governor Connally told president kennedy
President Kennedy
at the airport
Full stop - but I'd be more inclined to say 'with his wife of many years…' and just use a comma.
his wife of many years elle was by his side..
Only one period.
The president
comma
.The governor
And
their wives got in the 1981 dark blue convertible and made their way to their destination.
comma rather than period, and wouldn't the Plaza hotel prefer to have a capital letter? Possibly two?
plaza hotel.
Capital 'S' for special, 'W' for William
special agent william Greer.
No punctuation
is driving
comma or and, no full stop
.Roy Kellerman is in the vehicle as well.
Else where
Elsewhere (one word) and no capital 'f' for 'former
Former vice president Richard Nixon is waiting for a taxi.
Capital 'F', start of sentence (not jet start of sentence for Tricky Dicky)
finally much to Nixon's relief a taxi comes.
Only one full stop, and capital'A' for 'After'
.after losing the 1962 gubernatorial election to Governor of California Edmund Brown
Comma - if you let the sentence run on, it's confusing who is what.
Nixon had put
Do you need that 'put'? If so, perhaps Mr Nixon could have put non-political matters 'to the forefront of his mind'?
other things besides politics in his mind..
Quotation marks, and capital 'I' and 'M' (for Mr.)
Sorry i took so long mr. Nixon
close quotes
the taxi driver tells the former presidential candidate.
space
Nixon does not say a word but goes
probably 'gets into'
into the taxi..
only one full stop.
'No one will notice i am in dallas.
Capital I, Dallas
like no one will remember in 5 years j.f.k
J.F.K.
visited Dallas on November 22 1963/
no slash, close quotes
John F. Kennedy had nearly defeated then Vice President Nixon in 1960.
Space, Now
now he was beginning his reelection campaign,
You could replace this comma with a fullstop (Capital It), or go to 'which nearly ended', which needs no punctuation.
It nearly ended on this date.From out of nowhere shots rang out.disrupting the harmony of the ocasion.
One shot missed president kennedy
President Kennedy -
but another hit governor Connolly
comma
instantly killing him.
News of the assassination attempt spread like wild fire.
Capital 'A'
a woman in Dallas
comma
Texas went into a taxi .
Quotation marks
Did you hear President Kennedy had been shot ?
Move question mark back against 'shot', and close quotes.
She looked in the back of the taxi to find Former Vice President Richard Nixon was siting
sitting space
Both Nixon and the woman stared at a each other for a moment before she took a seat.
Space
As Vice president Lyndon Johnson get"s our
gets out?
of the bathroom at his hotel
omma, not full stop, no capital 'A'
. A nervous secret service Agent pull"s
pulls
a gun at the vice president.
open quotation marks.
Woah that was a close one
Close quotes
Lyndon Johnson
comma
vice president of the United States of America said to himself
comma
breathing a huge sigh of relief
that he had not been shot to death - FULL STOP, Period.
he was not shot to death
Any editor would reject a manuscript like this. Oh, sure, he could get somebody to 'fix up the punctuation', but it would cost him. You need to learn to do it yourself, with only a few slips that can easily be painted over.

The pedant strikes again.
 

RJM Corbet

Deus Pascus Corvus
Joined
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Messages
2,544
Location
Devon UK
#8
@logan_run


In the short time that John F. Kennedy had been President of the United States many events had taken place: from the Bay of Pigs invasion and the Cuban missile crisis, to civil rights legislation and stalling in Congress.

Kennedy told his advisors, "I would bet you ten-to-one I will be facing Governor Rockefeller in '64."

* * *

As President Kennedy got up from Air Force One he took his wife Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy by the hand. They left Air Force One and stepped onto Dallas, Texas airport.

"You can't say Dallas doesn't love you," Governor Connally told President Kennedy at the airport. Connally's wife of many years, Elle, was by his side.

The President, and the Governor and their wives got into the 1981 dark blue convertible and made their way to their destination: Plaza Hotel.

Special Agent William Greer was driving. Roy Kellerman was in the vehicle as well.

* * *

Elsewhere, former Vice President Richard Nixon is waiting for a taxi. Finally, much to Nixon's relief, a taxi comes. After losing the 1962 gubernatorial election to the Governor of California, Edmund Brown Nixon had included other things besides politics in his mind.

"Sorry I took so long Mr Nixon," the taxi driver tells the former presidential candidate.

Nixon does not say a word but gets into the taxi.

'No one will notice I am in Dallas -- like no one will remember in 5 years that JFK visited Dallas on November 22 1963,' thought Nixon.

John F. Kennedy had nearly defeated then Vice President Nixon in 1960. Now Kennedy was beginning his re-election campaign. It nearly ended on this date. From out of nowhere shots rang out, disrupting the harmony of the occasion.

One shot missed President Kennedy but another hit Governor Connolly, instantly killing him.

News of the assassination attempt spread like wildfire. A woman in Dallas, Texas got into a taxi .

"Did you hear President Kennedy has been shot?"

She looked in the back of the taxi to find former Vice President Richard Nixon was siting there. Both Nixon and the woman stared at a each other for a moment before she took a seat.

* * *

As Vice President Lyndon Johnson comes out of the bathroom at his hotel, a nervous Secret Service agent pulls a gun at the Vice President.

"Woah that was a close one," Lyndon Johnson Vice President of the United States of America said to himself, breathing a huge sigh of relief that he had not been shot to death.

What happens next?
 
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