kaufmannp
Writing the good fight!
Hello Everyone!
It has been a while since I last posted anything here. I am still hard at work on my WiP, and I thought that perhaps I would share my revised prologue here and capture any thoughts any of you might be gracious enough to share. I chopped it from 5000+ words down to 777, so its a great deal less unwieldy.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and best of luck on all of your endeavors, be they SF/F or strictly mundane in nature!
Overture
“It’s dawn.”
“It’s never dawn here.”
“Well, it’s a sort of dawn. I’ll admit; this is a dark place.”
“Dark place, for dark things.” John Sagis let the words trail off into the cool air, and gazed upon the murky landscape of Terris Noir. The larger fires had finally begun to die out, the structures that had borne them all but consumed. Several lesser blazes dotted the landscape, fading embers in the coming dawn. They cast a subtle hue of oranges and reds that reflected against the overcast sky, lending a surreal quality to the ambiance.
“Is it done then? Is he dead?”
“I don’t know Will. I think so.”
“That’s a…I was hoping for something more.” Will Beckett replied as he watched the ash fall, small flakes of it drifting with the breeze in their gentle tumble to the ground. Smoke ascended in pillars high enough to converge with the gathering clouds above. A gloomy haze of heated moisture hung oppressively in the air to form an almost tangible fog that blanketed the ground and prevented a more thorough examination.
“You’re alive. We survived; that’s something right there.”
“Yeah. So, now what?”
“Now you go and build your Republic. Make good on all of those promises made. And I go and find a quiet place to disappear to where they’ll both be safe.”
“Safe. From who? Piter Yanig is going into the deepest hole I can find for him. Tyranik’s down there in that cavern looking like some kind of stone monstrosity. They were the end of it, the last mercenary holdouts.”
“Something I’ve learned Will; there’s never an end to it. It may be that you have won your freedom, it may be that the Corporate Authority is truly finished, but there will always be someone, something out there in the dark.”
“Come back with me John. Help me build something that will keep out the dark.”
“Sorry, I’ve got another job to tend to. Promises that I made.”
“John Sagis, nursemaid?”
“Got another volunteer for that part. Miriam’s coming with me.”
“Miriam? Ha! You’re looking for slit throats, you take her.”
“She’s bound to them, just like me. And she’s motivated by more than just hate. She’ll keep them safe, we both will.”
“Where will you go?”
“Far. Some place far from here, from Earth, the Kingdom, all of it.”
“Eventually someone will want to come looking for you. You know that. There are those who won’t be contented with the notion of you out in the Black, and not locked away somewhere.”
For a time, Sagis watched the clouds that had begun to muster on a barely visible horizon, bearing signs of a brewing storm. “Plenty of them, I’m sure.”The peal of thunder rumbling in the distance underscored his reply, the occasional growls echoing softly amidst the dying cacophony of battle. He watched as one or two short-lived sparks of lightening became all but lost within the bank of clouds; they appeared almost tranquil with their slight flickering. “What about you, Will? Do you think I should be locked up somewhere?”
“Me? I’m just glad you’re on our side. You will need to watch out for the Kingdom as well. With the Corporate Authority gone, King Taurun will be looking to rally his clans. Nothing gathers people close like a boogieman, and your head on a spike would make plenty of clansmen feel better with the treaty.”
“Danger on both sides then. Well, that’s nothing new to me. Still, can’t have half a galaxy out looking for me. Best hide in plain sight.”
“Keep yourself armed, John, even with- especially with- that hellcat Miriam tagging along with you.”
“I have a few thoughts on that. Some ideas to keep me busy.”
“Not going to pick up hunting Authority chairmen again, are you? Leave that sort of thing to us, and we can do all sorts of neat things with them like trials and life-long terms of labor.”
“No more hunting, Will, my word on it. I promised him, promised her too really, that I would take care of them. I mean to keep to that.”
“Just remember John, it’s not a penance. You are not responsible for the whole damned galaxy. You have nothing to-“
“Yes I do. Quite a lot, actually.”
“Storm’s approaching.” Will Beckett said as he came to his feet, his battered armor heralding the motion with a sharp rattle. He slowly limped over to the risen crest where John Sagis surveyed the quieting battlefield, and stood with his friend. For a time neither spoke.
“It’ll be some time before it comes.”
It was dawn, of a sort.
It has been a while since I last posted anything here. I am still hard at work on my WiP, and I thought that perhaps I would share my revised prologue here and capture any thoughts any of you might be gracious enough to share. I chopped it from 5000+ words down to 777, so its a great deal less unwieldy.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and best of luck on all of your endeavors, be they SF/F or strictly mundane in nature!
Overture
“It’s dawn.”
“It’s never dawn here.”
“Well, it’s a sort of dawn. I’ll admit; this is a dark place.”
“Dark place, for dark things.” John Sagis let the words trail off into the cool air, and gazed upon the murky landscape of Terris Noir. The larger fires had finally begun to die out, the structures that had borne them all but consumed. Several lesser blazes dotted the landscape, fading embers in the coming dawn. They cast a subtle hue of oranges and reds that reflected against the overcast sky, lending a surreal quality to the ambiance.
“Is it done then? Is he dead?”
“I don’t know Will. I think so.”
“That’s a…I was hoping for something more.” Will Beckett replied as he watched the ash fall, small flakes of it drifting with the breeze in their gentle tumble to the ground. Smoke ascended in pillars high enough to converge with the gathering clouds above. A gloomy haze of heated moisture hung oppressively in the air to form an almost tangible fog that blanketed the ground and prevented a more thorough examination.
“You’re alive. We survived; that’s something right there.”
“Yeah. So, now what?”
“Now you go and build your Republic. Make good on all of those promises made. And I go and find a quiet place to disappear to where they’ll both be safe.”
“Safe. From who? Piter Yanig is going into the deepest hole I can find for him. Tyranik’s down there in that cavern looking like some kind of stone monstrosity. They were the end of it, the last mercenary holdouts.”
“Something I’ve learned Will; there’s never an end to it. It may be that you have won your freedom, it may be that the Corporate Authority is truly finished, but there will always be someone, something out there in the dark.”
“Come back with me John. Help me build something that will keep out the dark.”
“Sorry, I’ve got another job to tend to. Promises that I made.”
“John Sagis, nursemaid?”
“Got another volunteer for that part. Miriam’s coming with me.”
“Miriam? Ha! You’re looking for slit throats, you take her.”
“She’s bound to them, just like me. And she’s motivated by more than just hate. She’ll keep them safe, we both will.”
“Where will you go?”
“Far. Some place far from here, from Earth, the Kingdom, all of it.”
“Eventually someone will want to come looking for you. You know that. There are those who won’t be contented with the notion of you out in the Black, and not locked away somewhere.”
For a time, Sagis watched the clouds that had begun to muster on a barely visible horizon, bearing signs of a brewing storm. “Plenty of them, I’m sure.”The peal of thunder rumbling in the distance underscored his reply, the occasional growls echoing softly amidst the dying cacophony of battle. He watched as one or two short-lived sparks of lightening became all but lost within the bank of clouds; they appeared almost tranquil with their slight flickering. “What about you, Will? Do you think I should be locked up somewhere?”
“Me? I’m just glad you’re on our side. You will need to watch out for the Kingdom as well. With the Corporate Authority gone, King Taurun will be looking to rally his clans. Nothing gathers people close like a boogieman, and your head on a spike would make plenty of clansmen feel better with the treaty.”
“Danger on both sides then. Well, that’s nothing new to me. Still, can’t have half a galaxy out looking for me. Best hide in plain sight.”
“Keep yourself armed, John, even with- especially with- that hellcat Miriam tagging along with you.”
“I have a few thoughts on that. Some ideas to keep me busy.”
“Not going to pick up hunting Authority chairmen again, are you? Leave that sort of thing to us, and we can do all sorts of neat things with them like trials and life-long terms of labor.”
“No more hunting, Will, my word on it. I promised him, promised her too really, that I would take care of them. I mean to keep to that.”
“Just remember John, it’s not a penance. You are not responsible for the whole damned galaxy. You have nothing to-“
“Yes I do. Quite a lot, actually.”
“Storm’s approaching.” Will Beckett said as he came to his feet, his battered armor heralding the motion with a sharp rattle. He slowly limped over to the risen crest where John Sagis surveyed the quieting battlefield, and stood with his friend. For a time neither spoke.
“It’ll be some time before it comes.”
It was dawn, of a sort.
