Picture book narrative critique

[LukeW]

Hey guys,

I've been working with an agent on my picture book and the response from the publishers has been that they like the artwork but don't find the story compelling enough. As a result, I've gone back to the narrative and done a complete rewrite and I was hoping to get a couple of opinions on it before I send it back through.

At the moment, I'm asking if anyone's interested in reading the first 5 panels (touches in at 800 words) and telling me if the story grabs them, and if it's immediately obvious whose perspective the story is being told through.

I'm a bit reluctant to post the 5 panels here though as it's nearly half the book so, assuming the mods are okay with it, I'd like to send the links through pm. I checked the rules and didn't see anything mentioning this one way or another, so I hope I'm not breaking the rules on this one.

If anyone is interested then it would be a huge help, and I'm always happy to return the favour.

Cheers

Luke

 

[Ray McCarthy]

There is the Writing Group section ...

 

[Brian G Turner]

I'm surprised your agent isn't helping with this - or the publishers you approach. But, sure, feel free to PM me your email address.

The two big pointers for your picture book are going to be:

1. Does your text closely and properly relate to your pictures?
2. Is the language you use appropriate for your target audience? I say that because picture books are normally targeted at pre-school children, though IIRC yours was targeted at older children.

 

[LukeW]

There is the Writing Group section ...

Oh wow, I completely missed that.

I'm surprised your agent isn't helping with this - or the publishers you approach. But, sure, feel free to PM me your email address.

I haven't sent this to the agent yet, I was hoping to get a couple of opinions on it before doing so. I didn't really want to send something through if it's not good enough.

Thanks for the offer, I'll send a pm through.

 

[The Judge]

Yep, I'd suggest Writing Group, and seeing what reaction you get, and then perhaps you can ask those who respond whether they'd be willing to look at the rest of the draft.


In the meantime, since you won't be putting anything up for critique in this thread, I'll move it out of Critiques and into GWD.