Write someone elses query

Jo Zebedee

Aliens vs Belfast.
Oct 5, 2011
blah - flags. So many flags.
We need to shape up.... Choose a book you like and write its query. So that its hooky and we want to read on. Its hard to do our own, let's try someone elses and crack this sheboogally. Refer to queryshark if needed. We can do i, chronners, crack the evil that is a hooky query.

I will disgrace myself and go first

Do you know what lives in the dark corners of Derry? Yeah? Then put your hand in the storm drain... Go on, it's okay-

Enter the places the children play. Don't talk to the strangers.. eSpecially not the clown.
Nice one, springs. I'll try and have a go at this. ('cept I don't remember many books after I've read them!)
Not sure if this is exactly what you're looking for, springs, but here's one I did when I was practicing writing two-sentence story skeletons:

When winter holds the land of Narnia in its icy grip, four children are summoned by magic to end a tyrant's reign. But will they succeed in the battle against an ancient and powerful foe?
I cannot write them in the car
I cannot write them in a bar
You cannot know how hard I've tried
How much I've struggled, sobbed and cried.
I cannot write the bl**dy things
I cannot write them -- sorry springs.
If only I wasn't so like you,
I tried to do four and then two...
The hook isn't there,
It's not bl**dy fair,
I fear we're in deep doggy doo.

(nice one, Juliana. :))
Springs, I love this idea. We all need the practice and it will be easier for us to judge the success of something if we're already familiar with the story. I follow the rules posted by QueryShark, and I've tried to make this as complete as I know how. Here's my first take at 149 words.

Dear agent,

When Bilbo is asked to join a quest for treasure by the great wizard, Gandalf, he immediately rejects the invitation. Of course not! Hobbits don't need silly adventures!

But Gandalf introduces him to thirteen dwarves who convince Bilbo to help them fight a great dragon and restore their wealthy legacy.

Now they’re off!

Along their journey, they encounter troublesome trolls, ghastly goblins, and envious elves, and Bilbo must use his quick wit and magical secret to save them all.

Then finally, deep within the mountain lair, Bilbo foils the dragon and frees the dwarves' treasure! But when local villagers claim the gold for themselves, Bilbo must decide to fight or flee? Will he make it out safely, or pay the ultimate price?

THE HOBBIT is complete at 95,000 words, and this is my first novel. I currently teach linguistics at Oxford.

Thanks for your consideration,

J.R.R. Tolkien
"Else's" – possessive apostrophe.

What could be worse that an alien invasion? That's right, two alien invasions.

For several centuries conquerors of Ulster might have had strange accents, or worn odd-coloured clothes, but they have at least been able to cross breed with the previous inhabitants, even if they've too frequently demonstrated this at knife point.

But now the region's faced with a foe that smells even worse than the locals…

No, perhaps I'd be better sticking to possessive apostrophes and comma splices, or read the book beforehand; this is like the back-cover blurb from a book you pick up in a thrift store because you've read everything else in there.
Here are some Harry Potter blurbs I stole off Amazon. I think these are excellent guides for what a successful query should accomplish:

The Philosopher’s Stone
(103 words)
Harry Potter has no idea how famous he is. That's because he's being raised by his miserable aunt and uncle who are terrified Harry will learn that he's really a wizard, just as his parents were. But everything changes when Harry is summoned to attend an infamous school for wizards, and he begins to discover some clues about his illustrious birthright. From the surprising way he is greeted by a lovable giant, to the unique curriculum and colorful faculty at his unusual school, Harry finds himself drawn deep inside a mystical world he never knew existed and closer to his own noble destiny.

Chamber of Secrets (157 words)
The Dursleys were so mean that hideous that summer that all Harry Potter wanted was to get back to the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. But just as he's packing his bags, Harry receives a warning from a strange, impish creature named Dobby who says that if Harry Potter returns to Hogwarts, disaster will strike.

And strike it does. For in Harry's second year at Hogwarts, fresh torments and horrors arise, including an outrageously stuck-up new professor, Gilderoy Lockheart, a spirit named Moaning Myrtle who haunts the girls' bathroom, and the unwanted attentions of Ron Weasley's younger sister, Ginny.

But each of these seem minor annoyances when the real trouble begins, and someone--or something--starts turning Hogwarts students to stone. Could it be Draco Malfoy, a more poisonous rival than ever? Could it possibly be Hagrid, whose mysterious past is finally told? Or could it be the one everyone at Hogwarts most suspects...Harry Potter himself?

Prisoner of Azkaban (110 words)
For twelve long years, the dread fortress of Azkaban held an infamous prisoner named Sirius Black. Convicted of killing thirteen people with a single curse, he was said to be the heir apparent to the Dark Lord, Voldemort.

Now he has escaped, leaving only two clues as to where he might be headed: Harry Potter's defeat of You-Know-Who was Black's downfall as well. And the Azkaban guards heard Black muttering in his sleep, "He's at Hogwarts...he's at Hogwarts."

Harry Potter isn't safe, not even within the walls of his magical school, surrounded by his friends. Because on top of it all, there may well be a traitor in their midst.
Red Country _ Joe Abercrombie

In the far country there is no law. Shy South sets on a journey across the dangerous land in search of her stolen brother and sister. With her, an old Northman with a huge secret and a rag tag group heading for a new chance at life in a remote mining town.

Join Shy and many familiar faces as revenge is sought, betrayal runs rampant, and greed rules the world in the Red Country.

**since i just finished the book I thought I could give it a try
How can you be an individual when everyone is in your head telling you what to do and there's nothing you can do to stop the voices? One boy runs away in search of his own personal silence, only to find it in the last girl alive.

The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness
What do you believe when all the normal people start acting crazy after your guardian opens the link to the fairy world? Fern is a young woman who discovers that the only way to find her way back to normal life during the craziness of the sixties is to embrace the madness of the fae. She journeys from teetering upon incipient disaster to victoriously creating a new life by learning to accept her own innate magic.

Grayham Joyce's "The Limits Of Enchantment"
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