What I am trying to do is make the story full of action and leave the reader full of questions. I was told not to start the typical "It was a dark and stormy night" type way and go straight in with intense action, this is what I came up with... I plan at least two more drafts before I finish, but the ideas below will fundamentally be the same. My main aim is to make it flow more and be more exciting to read in terms of language, so if you have any suggestions please, please give them to me. Enjoy!
Twilight of Kerberos – The Tale of Mercy
Mercy glanced to her right; something had been following her for at least an hour now. Although she was curious as to whom or more likely what was stalking her, she had made no attempt to demand its emergence. Whatever it was, it was probably awaiting its opportunity to pounce on what it no doubt believed to be ‘A defenceless female Pontainian who had wandered too deep into the wilderness’ she found amusement in the thought. Mercy thought of the hundreds of different creatures that harboured these dense forests, the hundreds she had killed… and the enjoyment of doing so.
It had been Mercy’s curiosity that had landed her in the ‘Sardenne Forest’ yet again, after a lengthy discussion with a local farmer the night prior. “These days no one approaches the forest of no return” he had told her “We may not know ‘what’ it is in there, but we know it is bad…” This had entertained Mercy; she had visited ‘the forest’ many of times, and always returned. She had of course not told the farmer this, it would spoil her fun and bring about too many tedious questions, he wouldn’t have believed her anyway. As for ‘bad’, this did not even begin to describe the energy and creatures that hid, waiting in anticipation, for a lesser being to approach just a few trees and bushes beyond the forests opening. The farmer had continued with numerous stories about beasts being spotted prowling the forests opening during the recent eclipse.
She’d heard it all before though, nothing surprised or shocked her and she was just about to make her excuses and leave until the discussion took a rather interesting turn. “I remember hearing stories from my parents. They told of generations passed, before the time of ‘Kerberos’ our distant relatives would go to the forest fear free and pick fruits, the most delicious fruits.” He looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing “Ah yes… but a dream now right? I haven’t heard of anyone stepping within 100 yards of that forest and being seen again, it seems every few weeks some fool thinks he or she is clever enough to survive its secrets. Just yesterday I had to explain to my daughter the foolishness of a traveller she had met whom had decided he was to venture into the forest in search of some woman.” At this point Mercy had sat back down on the bar stool next to the farmer and awaited his continuation.
The farmer could obviously tell he had gained her interest and purposely delayed his reveal by taking a rather long and excaudated swig of his drink. “Yes… always the story isn’t it? A female goes missing and a male goes running after them. Silly really, instead of one dead person you get two” he said, in a seemingly experienced tone. Determined to find out more Mercy asked if he said why he was looking for her and how she had ended up in the forest. He looked puzzled for a moment before continuing “Well… Naski, my daughter didn’t much like the look of him. He wore a cloak, very dark, the hood hid his face and his voice was but a hoarse whisper. She didn’t get much out of him really”. Beginning to get frustrated with the lack of information she was being given coupled with the gut feeling it was intentional she snapped “Well did he say anything interesting, because this sounds not much different from the other twenty stories you have already told me tonight”. Looking slightly hurt and embarrassed he answered “Well, it didn’t seem much to me either until I thought about it. The way she described him, sounds more than a little mysterious if you ask me… and the name of the woman he was looking for… Mercy… doesn’t sound much like a Pontaine name does it?”. Mercy looked straight into the farmers old but gentle eyes, she tried to work out if this was a joke or some kind of trick. No, it wasn’t possible, only a handful of people throughout all of Twilight knew her name…
Suddenly she was snapped back to the present, her stalker had just made a rather loud noise, one which revealed him to be close, at very least within attacking distance. She slowed her pace, whatever it was she was going to give it its opportunity. Not wanting to look around and alert it to her suspicion she remained looking straight ahead. Mercy thought about all the places she had visited, the dangerous places, the ones no one else would think of going in their worst nightmares. Out of all of them, the forest was the only open aired location that bred darkness. The dark teamed up with the trunks of trees and the thick canopy above and defeated the powerful and concentrated light that came from the sun. And although this was the case she had always felt more at home here than she had anywhere else. Granted she had never seen another human being in her many visits, true she had never left the forest without two or three battles that could have easily been her last and also true even for her the screams of terror and the malicious howls had often disturbed her momentarily. But as soon as they fell into the white noise of the darkness it built up the feeling she had felt her self-become more and more addicted too as she aged… ‘Curiosity’.
‘Crunch’ another noise came from behind her, at most two or three trees back, she fought the urge to spin around. ‘Just a few more moments’ she thought. Thinking of what the creature could be, the tension built up inside her. She gripped her twin blades so tight her hands shook with desire. She wanted to destroy the creature that had the audacity to even try to make her its meal. She longed for its attack, longed for the chance to use her body – the one tool that had never let her down, and smiled as finally the beast let out an almighty screech. Mercy fluently turned around to face her rival, she didn’t recognise whatever it was, but these forests were constantly spitting up new evil, so it didn’t surprise her, just increased her excitement.
Twilight of Kerberos – The Tale of Mercy
Mercy glanced to her right; something had been following her for at least an hour now. Although she was curious as to whom or more likely what was stalking her, she had made no attempt to demand its emergence. Whatever it was, it was probably awaiting its opportunity to pounce on what it no doubt believed to be ‘A defenceless female Pontainian who had wandered too deep into the wilderness’ she found amusement in the thought. Mercy thought of the hundreds of different creatures that harboured these dense forests, the hundreds she had killed… and the enjoyment of doing so.
It had been Mercy’s curiosity that had landed her in the ‘Sardenne Forest’ yet again, after a lengthy discussion with a local farmer the night prior. “These days no one approaches the forest of no return” he had told her “We may not know ‘what’ it is in there, but we know it is bad…” This had entertained Mercy; she had visited ‘the forest’ many of times, and always returned. She had of course not told the farmer this, it would spoil her fun and bring about too many tedious questions, he wouldn’t have believed her anyway. As for ‘bad’, this did not even begin to describe the energy and creatures that hid, waiting in anticipation, for a lesser being to approach just a few trees and bushes beyond the forests opening. The farmer had continued with numerous stories about beasts being spotted prowling the forests opening during the recent eclipse.
She’d heard it all before though, nothing surprised or shocked her and she was just about to make her excuses and leave until the discussion took a rather interesting turn. “I remember hearing stories from my parents. They told of generations passed, before the time of ‘Kerberos’ our distant relatives would go to the forest fear free and pick fruits, the most delicious fruits.” He looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing “Ah yes… but a dream now right? I haven’t heard of anyone stepping within 100 yards of that forest and being seen again, it seems every few weeks some fool thinks he or she is clever enough to survive its secrets. Just yesterday I had to explain to my daughter the foolishness of a traveller she had met whom had decided he was to venture into the forest in search of some woman.” At this point Mercy had sat back down on the bar stool next to the farmer and awaited his continuation.
The farmer could obviously tell he had gained her interest and purposely delayed his reveal by taking a rather long and excaudated swig of his drink. “Yes… always the story isn’t it? A female goes missing and a male goes running after them. Silly really, instead of one dead person you get two” he said, in a seemingly experienced tone. Determined to find out more Mercy asked if he said why he was looking for her and how she had ended up in the forest. He looked puzzled for a moment before continuing “Well… Naski, my daughter didn’t much like the look of him. He wore a cloak, very dark, the hood hid his face and his voice was but a hoarse whisper. She didn’t get much out of him really”. Beginning to get frustrated with the lack of information she was being given coupled with the gut feeling it was intentional she snapped “Well did he say anything interesting, because this sounds not much different from the other twenty stories you have already told me tonight”. Looking slightly hurt and embarrassed he answered “Well, it didn’t seem much to me either until I thought about it. The way she described him, sounds more than a little mysterious if you ask me… and the name of the woman he was looking for… Mercy… doesn’t sound much like a Pontaine name does it?”. Mercy looked straight into the farmers old but gentle eyes, she tried to work out if this was a joke or some kind of trick. No, it wasn’t possible, only a handful of people throughout all of Twilight knew her name…
Suddenly she was snapped back to the present, her stalker had just made a rather loud noise, one which revealed him to be close, at very least within attacking distance. She slowed her pace, whatever it was she was going to give it its opportunity. Not wanting to look around and alert it to her suspicion she remained looking straight ahead. Mercy thought about all the places she had visited, the dangerous places, the ones no one else would think of going in their worst nightmares. Out of all of them, the forest was the only open aired location that bred darkness. The dark teamed up with the trunks of trees and the thick canopy above and defeated the powerful and concentrated light that came from the sun. And although this was the case she had always felt more at home here than she had anywhere else. Granted she had never seen another human being in her many visits, true she had never left the forest without two or three battles that could have easily been her last and also true even for her the screams of terror and the malicious howls had often disturbed her momentarily. But as soon as they fell into the white noise of the darkness it built up the feeling she had felt her self-become more and more addicted too as she aged… ‘Curiosity’.
‘Crunch’ another noise came from behind her, at most two or three trees back, she fought the urge to spin around. ‘Just a few more moments’ she thought. Thinking of what the creature could be, the tension built up inside her. She gripped her twin blades so tight her hands shook with desire. She wanted to destroy the creature that had the audacity to even try to make her its meal. She longed for its attack, longed for the chance to use her body – the one tool that had never let her down, and smiled as finally the beast let out an almighty screech. Mercy fluently turned around to face her rival, she didn’t recognise whatever it was, but these forests were constantly spitting up new evil, so it didn’t surprise her, just increased her excitement.
