An excerpt of my first chapter. 500 words

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Virtual_Space

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Ok I'm 17 and am going to start writing a book. This is my third try at writing a book and I get a little better each time. This is what I have so far, give me your opinions and any advice you have.

In the corner sat a man, gently rocking back and forth in his aged chair. He was all alone in the world, his fellow men had all passed away long ago. None remained to comfort him, none remained to wipe away the tears. He was alone, utterly and completely alone.​


The land laid bare, scorched by the calamity. Nothing remained, nothing at all. The ground was torn asunder, deep scars covered what little remained. All was visible from the window of the tiny shack, one of the last remnants of a once great civilization.​


The man stood up, dust falling from his clothes. How long had it been since he had left the comfortable confines of that chair. A year? A hundred years? He could no longer tell.​


He walked across the rickety floor, his bare feet enduring the pain. The pain meant nothing to him, he had already felt enough pain for a thousand men, He reached the door, slowly turned the handle, and opened the door. It was his first few steps into the new world.​


The bright sunlight filled his eyes, blinding him for a moment. He shielded his eyes in a futile attempt to keep the light away, but it wasn't enough. He stumbled blindly about before falling to the ground with a thud. He layed there, contemplating himself.​


“Nothing is left for me, nothing at all. Why must I continue to live? Is it only for my lack of will to cease my own life? What a pitiful being I have become.”​


He picked himself up, his ragged clothing ripped at the knees and covered in dirt. He brushed the dirt off with his hands, for reasons he could not explain. Perhaps he still clinged to the old ways too much. He didn't care, he needed to cling to something if he was to retain his sanity.​


His once fine village was now in complete dissaray. The buildings had crumbled with time. Bones littered the streets, the dead ruled the land. The river, lifeblood of the village, was now nothing more than a dust dry ditch. “Nothing remains”, the thought kept reverberating in his mind. “I am all thats left, why was I spared?”. He could think of no reason, not even one.​


He walked along the main street of the former village. It was the first time he had worked up the courage to walk among the dead. They were his friends, seeing them in the state would crush a lesser man's resolve. Whether it was good to be alive was a highly placed question on the mans mind. He never thought he would want to join the dead, let alone envy them.​
 
Ok I'm 17 and am going to start writing a book. This is my third try at writing a book and I get a little better each time. This is what I have so far, give me your opinions and any advice you have.

In the corner sat a man, gently rocking back and forth in his aged chair. He was all alone in the world,​
semicolon; or "having all passed", but I prefer the semicolon
his fellow men had all passed away long ago. None remained to comfort him, none remained to wipe away the tears. He was alone, utterly and completely alone.


The land laid bare, scorched by the calamity. Nothing remained, nothing at all. The ground was torn asunder,​
Either a semicolon here, or the verb that follows should be "covering" rather than "covered"
deep scars covered what little remained. All was visible from the window of the tiny shack, one of the last remnants of a once great civilization.


The man stood up, dust falling from his clothes. How long had it been since he had left the comfortable confines of that chair. A year? A hundred years? He could no longer tell.​


He walked across the rickety floor, his bare feet enduring the pain. The pain meant nothing to him,​
semicolon
he had already felt enough pain for a thousand men,
full stop
He reached the door, slowly turned the handle, and opened the door. It was his first few steps into the new world.


The bright sunlight filled his eyes, blinding him for a moment. He shielded his eyes in a futile attempt to keep the light away, but it wasn't enough. He stumbled blindly about before falling to the ground with a thud. He layed​
lay
there, contemplating himself.


“Nothing is left for me, nothing at all. Why must I continue to live? Is it only for my lack of will to cease my own life? What a pitiful being I have become.”​


He picked himself up, his ragged clothing ripped at the knees and covered in dirt. He brushed the dirt off with his hands, for reasons he could not explain. Perhaps he still clinged​
clung
to the old ways too much. He didn't care, he needed to cling to something if he was
just being pedantic, here, but grammatically it's "if he were" Still, I suspect no-one else would use the subjunctive, either
to retain his sanity.


His once fine village was now in complete dissaray​
disarray
. The buildings had crumbled with time. Bones littered the streets,
semicolon
the dead ruled the land. The river, lifeblood of the village, was now nothing more than a dust dry
"dust-dry"?
ditch. “Nothing remains”, the thought kept reverberating in his mind. “I am all thats
that's
left, why was I spared?”. He could think of no reason, not even one.


He walked along the main street of the former village. It was the first time he had worked up the courage to walk among the dead. They were his friends, seeing them in the​
this state?
state would crush a lesser man's resolve. Whether it was good to be alive was a highly placed
Totally subjective, but "highly placed" doesn't work for me; in fact "question on the man's mind" is a bit clumsy, too.
question on the mans
man's
had
never thought he would want to join the dead, let alone envy them.

You use repetition to intensify a message, as with the "alone"s in the first paragraph, fine. but a couple of times (the "eyes" in the fifth paragraph, or the "walk - walked" in the last) the repetition accentuates something that it not critical. Oh, only pairs, so not really important.
 
Post-apocalyptic zombie(?) story, nice!

At first I pictured the man sitting outside his shed, since you described the land then, so I was briefly confused when he went though the door and blinding light hits him.

Does the story feature the old man as a main character, or is this a sort of prologue? Possibly a glimpse to the end of the story? My curious questions are probably telling you already I liked it so far. More please ;-)
 
The starting sentence is abrupt and really sticks out. Instead of "In the corner sat a man", you could say "The man sat in the corner," to make it flow better.

Personally I also think putting his thoughts in quotation marks somewhat ruins the mood. Try incorporating them into the prose like this bit:

"How long had it been since he had left the comfortable confines of that chair? A year? A hundred years? He could no longer tell."

Or you could put the thoughts into italics to make them stand out:

"I am all thats left, why was I spared? He could think of no reason, not even one."
 
It's a strong opening, with a sense that anything could happen. When the old man gets up, his bones should hurt, and his muscles should ache. What does the village smell like; dust, old parchment, an ancient tomb? Is everything dead? Maybe describe the outline of bare branches against the sky. It would be really cool if something unexpected happened, like he felt a hand on his shoulder.
 
Ok, I decided to post the update, so here it is.

In the corner sat a man, gently rocking back and forth in his aged chair. He was all alone in the world, his fellow men had all passed away long ago. None remained to comfort him, none remained to wipe away the tears. He was alone, utterly and completely alone.​


The land laid bare, scorched by the calamity. Nothing remained, nothing at all. The ground was torn asunder, deep scars covered what little remained. All was visible from the window of the tiny shack, one of the last remnants of a once great civilization.​


The man stood up, dust falling from his clothes. How long had it been since he had left the comfortable confines of that chair. A year? A hundred years? He could no longer tell.​


He walked across the rickety floor, his bare feet enduring the pain. The pain meant nothing to him, he had already felt enough pain for a thousand men, He reached the door, slowly turned the handle, and opened the door. It was his first few steps into the new world.​


The bright sunlight filled his eyes, blinding him for a moment. He shielded his eyes in a futile attempt to keep the light away, but it wasn't enough. He stumbled blindly about before falling to the ground with a thud. He layed there, contemplating himself.​


“Nothing is left for me, nothing at all. Why must I continue to live? Is it only for my lack of will to cease my own life? What a pitiful being I have become.”​


He picked himself up, his ragged clothing ripped at the knees and covered in dirt. He brushed the dirt off with his hands, for reasons he could not explain. Perhaps he still clinged to the old ways too much. He didn't care, he needed to cling to something if he was to retain his sanity.​


His bones cracked and his muscles ached. He hadn't left that chair in ages, and it felt like it. Even getting across the room to the door was a constant struggle.​


His once fine village was now in complete disarray. The buildings had crumbled with time. Bones littered the streets, the dead ruled the land. The river, lifeblood of the village, was now nothing more than a dust dry ditch. “Nothing remains”, the thought kept reverberating in his mind. “I am all thats left, why was I spared?”. He could think of no reason, not even one.​
He walked along the main street of the former village. It was the first time he had worked up the courage to walk among the dead. They were his friends, seeing them in this state would crush a lesser man's resolve.



Whether it was good to be alive was a highly placed question on the mans mind. He never thought he would want to join the dead, let alone envy their position.​


“I need to get out of here, there is nothing here but painful memories. I would do anything to leave this place.”​


He was heading for the general store, he needed to get supplies. His powers were weakening ever since the calamity claimed his people, and their source of power. He knew he didn't have long until he was nothing more than a mere human. The idea was a horrid one to him, and he knew if any of his people still lived, the idea would be equally unattractive to them as well.​


“I guess this is what we get for our arrogance.”​


He reached the general store. It was still standing, it was one of the few buildings in the village made of stone. The door lay on the ground outside, covered in dirt and dust. He stepped over the door and into the darkened store.​


The store was pitch black, much darker than it appeared from the outside. The only light came from the opening left by the missing door, casting a thin line of light into the dark room. The room was a mess. Broken crates filled the room, the shelves behind the counter were bare and the shopkeeper lay dead where he once stood. He was little more now than a pile of dust and bones.​


The man walked into the back room, looking for anything that may help him. At the moment the only things needed was a source of light and new articles of clothing. Soon however, food would become a necessity. The storeroom was in the same shape as the front of the store. The shelves were stripped of food, the barrels broken, and the sacks of flour torn. The only thing left was a single, solitary magical torch. Nothing else remained.​
“What am I going to do now?” the man thought to himself as he dropped to his knees. His trip may be over before it ever even began. He couldn't accept that, he just couldn't. He began desperately brushing away the dust on the floor, looking for a cellar or basement of some sort. He wouldn't have to search for long. His hand hit something metal, a handle. Pulling with all his force he opened the small trap door, a cloud of dust flying up from the small opening. Once the dust settled he started his descent into the unknown depths below him.​


The cellar was dank and dark. The sound of water dripping from the walls echoed throughout the small space. The man pounded the torch against his hand, hoping it would still work. It did. In an instant it flared up, a bright, brilliant flame cast a bright light throughout the entire room. The room was as it was before the calamity, probably one of the only place in the world that still remained that way. The shelves were filled with boxes and tall

barrels inhabited the corners of the room.​


He walked over and opened one of the barrels. What he found was not what he expected.​


Weapons. Weapons of all types. Magical staffs, wands, broadswords, rapiers, maces and all other sorts of weaponry. They were all there, though a reason for them being there was not. It was as if the store owner was preparing for a war. The man couldn't understand why there would be a weapon in his village, let alone a whole stash of them. Still, he would probably need a weapon so he took a wand and a sword from the barrels. Next he needed to find some new clothes.​


He started searching through the crates along the walls, hoping to find something. Soon he did. A set of chain mail, made of the highest quality metal, an iron helm and a set of boots. The tabard carried the symbol of Telenosia, the symbol of his once great empire. Seeing the symbol of his once great homeland was more than the already broken man could bare. He burst into tears and fell to the floor in tears. His torch fell to the ground and was quickly extinguished by the dusty floor.​


“Why has this happened? How could we be so foolish?”​


He stood up, anger filling his entire mind and body. In a fit of rage he swung his arm high, knocking over the middle shelf. The boxes went flying through the air. They all broke apart when they hit the ground, spreading their contents across the room.​


“Our foolishness brought about the end of an entire world.” he thought to himself. He knew he was losing it, but he needed to, he needed to let it out. Too long had he bottled in up inside.​


The man spent the next hour on the cellar floor, crying and going over event in his mind. The people' screams could still be heard as if it was that day all those years ago. He could still see the desperate looting and pillaging as people tried to survive. They were all futile attempts, none would survive.​


Eventually he worked up the energy to pull himself up off the floor. Tears still streamed down his cheeks, it felt as if they may never stop. However he knew he needed to get moving, he didn't have much time. He could feel his power slipping from him, it wouldn't be long until he would succumb to the effects of the calamity's destruction.​


“I need to get out of here, the calamity will know I'm here and come for me soon enough.”​


He walked up the stairs from the cellar into the store room. He was wearing his latest discovery, the chain mail. It was heavy on his frail body, but he would need it. Dark things lurked outside of the village walls, and he needed to be prepared. His wand and sword hung from his belt, ready to be used when needed.​


As he walked out into the light he once again had to feel the strain on his eyes. The outside stood in stark contrast to the dark cellar. It took his eyes a moment to adjust before he could see properly again. He was glad for the few moments of calm before he once again had to view the remains of his fellow men.​


He was ready to leave the safety of the village now, and even though he dreaded leaving, he knew it had to be done. He started down the street, heading straight towards the massive gates out of the city.​
Along the way he passed the houses of many former friends. He reminisced about the good times as he walked. He remembered the days when he would walk this very road with his friends, just talking. He missed those days. For all those years he stayed in his shack, it was all he thought of. That they were all gone forever was an unbearable thought that chilled his very soul.​


Soon he reached the gate, a massive section of the stone wall covered in magical runes. It glowed a powerful green, the light emanating from every crack and crevice of the wall. A low humming could be heard as he got close to the wall.​


“I hope I still know how to do this.” he thought to himself as he put both hands up against the two of the runes. He concentrated hard, putting all his thought in an attempt to activate the gate. Soon, the stones began to shake. The shaking became more intense. In an instant the entire section of wall broke apart, the stones floating in the air. They shifted to form an arch, the bright green glow now gone.



“I guess I still have it in me. I better enjoy it while it lasts.” he said, his voice quiet and raspy. It had been a long time since he had spoken a word, and it felt good.​


Stepping through the arch, the full destruction the calamity wrought was now visible. The red sky stretched as far as the eye could see and the ground was burned black.​
 
Ok, that's going in a slightly different direction than what I imagined, but still a nice read. There's some typos in there, and on several occasions you mix up similar sounding words (bear, bare). In one sentence, the apparently small village morphs into a city, and the city gates are also quite monolithic. So is the city/village small or large? And wouldn't the walls be visible in the beginning, when the old man looks around? From what is described there, I imagined he was looking out at endless desolate fields.
 
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