Final Entrants

[Tim Murray]

I'm into the final steps to publish my second book . This is the the book cover and back of the book blurb.
The cover art credit will not be on the final rendition. Take a look and let me know what you-all think.

Thanks, Tim

BACK COVER COPY/ABOUT THE BOOK
Derak Jamar II grew up on the crowded, smoky streets of twenty-fifth century New York City. He was chosen as the Alliance’s representative to the technologically advanced planet of Thumar, where he developed an attraction to Thumarian Shesain Andehar. Together, they survived annihilation, but their troubles are far from over.

Now, Derak, Shesain, and the time crew are unexpectedly thrust six hundred years into Thumar’s past. A planet wide plague is raging, and these intrepid time travelers are destined to find a cure. When they return to the future, though, they discover their actions dramatically changed their original timeline.

With help from Derak’s brother and the mysterious Time Lords of the universe, they set out across time, space, and dimension to fix their time paradox. Can they stop the space-time-continuum from tearing itself apart and destroying the known universe?

AUTHOR BIO
Author M. Timothy Murray lives in Nevada City, California, with his wife, Ronna Lee Joseph, and their scrappy cat, Harley, in a house he and his father built.

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

I love the concept of the design, but I think the craft looks amateurish and poorly drawn. The artist has tried, I presume, to give the impression of it materialising from nowhere, hence the shadowy echoes at its tail end, but I don't think they've quite pulled it off.

The horse also looks as if it's been photoshopped in (which I'm sure it has, but it shouldn't look that way). The idea is brilliant, but the execution is not quite there.

Also, in the blurb, the mention of Time Lords put me off, because I instantly thought Doctor Who. Sorry.

Just my opinion. I'm sure others will disagree.

 

[Biskit]

As @Kerrybuchanan said, the mention of "Time Lords" was an instant no-no for me. Even if the BBC haven't actually trademarked Time Lords, it immediately makes the book sound like a Doctor Who fanfic/spinoff.

The cover art bothers me - it just doesn't look right, but I don't know why, however since my visual design/artwork skills are somewhere near nil that's not a lot of help to you. At first I thought the lighting from the sunrise on the horizon was wrong, but I don't think that's it. Possibly what's bugging me is that the spaceship looks too sharp and stark against the sky. Hopefully someone else with an eye for these things can comment.

The opening para for the blurb also feels wrong - it's mostly telling the reader what happened in the previous book. In particular, the end of the para

where he developed an attraction to Thumarian Shesain Andehar. Together, they survived annihilation, but their troubles are far from over.

seems redundant in terms of selling this book to a reader

Then the second para launches into

Now, Derak, Shesain, and the time crew are unexpectedly thrust six hundred years into Thumar’s past.

which feels awkward because it seems like I ought to already know about the "time crew" even though this is the first mention of them.

As a quick and dirty suggestion, I think the blurb ought to start with something like:

Derak Jamar II and his time crew are unexpectedly thrust six hundred years into the past where they find a cure to stave off a devastating plague. When they return to the future, though, they discover their actions have dramatically changed their original timeline.

It would need polishing, tweaking and making it fit the story properly, but it sets the scene: Hero, trusty crew, time travel, menacing plague, damn we made a paradox.

(PS, Now go take a pinch of salt, because I struggle to write blurbs every time.)

 

[Danny McG]

The cover art is so Firefly!

 

[Toby Frost]

I agree with @Biskit. The first paragraph of the blurb sounds like the blurb for a previous book. By and large, I'd expect a blurb to tell me:

- Who is this guy/these people? (And maybe hint at why they're special)
- What is their problem?
- What must they do to solve it?

An optional extra might be to add what happens if they fail. Most of these are actually there in the blurb as it is, although it might need a bit of rewriting once the first paragraph goes. I'd change "mysterious Time Lords" to "mysterious lords of time" or "masters of time".

 

[.matthew.]

I don't see anything wrong with the cover except for what others have mentioned. What they're struggling to put their finger on is a lack of any depth of field though. It means everything looks too sharp and thus 'photoshopped'. A little smoothing around the edges should fix that right up.

Personally I like the ship effect. Still needs the smoothing at the front but I do like the tail end.

Maybe the wagon would look better if the horse was hitched and it was 'reacting' to the ship appearing overhead, swerving, kicking up dust, etc.

I might also lose the top left moon as it muddles the text a bit (unless the second moon is really important to the story). It could be pushed more into the corner so it's only glimpsed though.