Prelude & 1st Chapter

Status
Not open for further replies.

willwallace

Interested Observer
Joined
Aug 13, 2011
Messages
584
Location
New Jersey
Well, I screwed up the courage to take the plunge and submit the beginning of something I've been tinkering with for a few months now. For anyone who takes the time to look it over, I thank you in advance :)


Last Star



Prelude

With their nebulous existences based on wildly divergent physics, infinite possibilities will produce every possible universe. An observer, if one could have the ability to perceive all the universes, would find that with the right balance of forces, they could see the birth and death of untold numbers of planets, stars, and galaxies within many of the cosmos that formed. Other universes, not so fortunate, did not have the proper physical properties to allow the formation of matter, and remained dark, empty shells, their potential unfulfilled.

This same observer would find that some universes underwent a constant cycle of expansion and contraction, a series of Big Bangs. Another possibility is the steady state universe, constantly renewing itself. Still others do not have enough mass to contract again, and are doomed to fall apart. Their particles decay long before they encounter any other cosmos.

As large as each existing universe is, the distance between them is greater still. However, the void between universes is not as empty as it appears. If our hypothetical observer existed with the ability to view all that had been described, they would also see the anomaly. An amorphous presence, it was born of no universe yet also belongs to every one simultaneously. It can survive in any plane of existence, regardless of the physical laws governing that particular universe. At the same time those laws do not affect or limit its abilities in any way. It has always been, and will always be. For this being time itself has very little meaning, as it experiences events completely unlike the way our hypothetical human observer does. Past, present and future are concepts that it would find hard to comprehend.

Searching for what it has never found it traverses the unimaginable gulfs between universes at speeds equally inconceivable. A billion years is but mere moments in its existence. And our observer would note that it has been drawing closer to a certain universe now for the last several moments. As it nears it can begin to sense every particle and spark of energy within that cosmos. As always, it prepares for the quest, which has so far and for so long been fruitless. Perhaps here it will find what it has searched for since before time.


Chapter 1

“Check those readings again,” the tall, red-haired man growled. “That can’t possibly be right!”

Hui Sun, assistant astrophysicist at the Tombaugh station on Charon, wasn’t used to being spoken to this way. Gathering herself up to her full height of five feet, green eyes glinting, she replied with more than a little anger, “Christopher Muller, I don’t care that you are the head of the Sagan Observatory, you will talk to me in a respectful manner!” Shoulders sagging, Christopher gave her a contrite look, then grinned. Although he was nearly fifty years old, he could make himself appear almost boyish when he smiled. “Sorry, Hui, it’s just that there has to be something wrong-a galaxy doesn’t simply vanish. We have to either find out what’s causing the problem, or throw out all our latest data.”

The galaxy in question was designated A3444-JD, and was the most remote confirmed object they had detected, at a distance of 14.1 billion light-years. Their observations at the Carl Sagan Observatory, located on Pluto’s moon Charon, had given them a wealth of information on the object over the past four weeks, since the telescope first came on line. But suddenly, the nearly 100 meter diameter, segmented mirror telescope, the largest in space, was giving them trouble. Over the past two hours, it refused to supply any data from its primary target, A3444-JD.

“Hui, please run the system diagnostics again, level five” Christopher asked, this time keeping his emotions under control. For the fourth time since the problem cropped up, Hui tapped out the commands on the console to initiate the self-diagnostics, this time at the most comprehensive setting. “I don’t know what good it’ll do, but I’ll cross my fingers this time for good luck” she said, smiling at Chris to relieve some of the tension. It was hard enough being on a small station orbiting Pluto some 4.9 billion kilometers from earth when things were going smoothly. When problems cropped up everyone had to do their best to deal with them in a calm manner. With a crew of only 10 it was imperative to nip any problems early, before they became long-term difficulties.

The station, built over the last three years, was designed to be as self-sufficient as possible. Any process that could be safely automated was controlled by computers. As a result the small crew was able to complete tasks that on earth would usually take triple the number of people to perform. The year-long commitment each crewmember had made was a significant investment from their personal lives, but their careers would be assured after they finished their tour on Charon. The monthly supply drones ensured they had more than enough food to last between runs, and any entertainment could be downloaded by subspace transmissions. The subspace radio also allowed contact with their families, which was crucial towards maintaining good morale.

Tombaugh Station was one of the greatest scientific successes the United Nations had managed to achieve since it became the pre-eminent organization in the world many decades ago. Over one hundred years after it was founded, the UN was finally given the authority it needed to be an effective body by its member states. A world weary of conflicts had finally come to its senses and given the United Nations the political, military, and financial power necessary to resolve any skirmishes between member nations. Although minor clashes still happened now and again they were often quickly settled by the mere suggestion of UN intervention. And in the few cases where necessary, military action had been decisive. Most disputes that occurred now were in the financial arena, adjudicated by UN courts. As a result of these changes the earth had become a much more peaceful planet, with the ability to use some of its vast resources for projects like the Tombaugh Station, with its massive Sagan telescope.

The construction of such a station so remote from earth would have been unthinkable before the rise of the UN to power. It took contributions from nearly every country to make the building of Tombaugh a reality. From initial designs to the start of actual construction had taken seven years. Transporting the station modules out to Charon and putting them together had taken another three years. For the last two months, all the investments had finally begun to pay off with the observations made by Sagan, as well the data now coming in from several other research projects at the station. The last thing Christopher and Hui needed was for the telescope to develop a fault.

They both sat back to await the latest diagnostic scan results. Out the small viewing port they could see the barren landscape of Charon, visible by the station’s outer lights. At this distance the sun’s light barely had any effect, compared to on earth. At best, during Pluto’s day, the sun was about as strong a light source as a full moon is on earth. The station cycled its powerful outer lights on and off at roughly 12 hour intervals, more to give the inhabitants some semblance of normalcy when they looked outside, than for any real practical need.

After several minutes, with a soft chime the computer announced its results. As they scanned the screens imbedded into the control consoles, both of their faces registered disappointment, and shock. Chris slammed his hand onto the console, then turned and walked away, momentarily too angry to say anything. “This…is impossible” Hui breathed, running her hand absently through her long black hair. All the test results were completely normal. According to some of the most advanced technology available to man, A3444-JD had ceased to exist.
 
I think you are far too distant with this piece - by doing so, you make us less engaged with it. The opening that is italicised exists simply to tell, and in most of the paragraphs that follow, instead of inviting the reader to the immediacy of the piece, you instead provide backstory on how things work.

This may or may not work in the context of the hard SF you might be aiming for. But IMO you're missing a trick by not focusing on characters, instead of infodumping.

Btw, I do like the way you have "Tombaugh Station" on "Charon" - that's a nice touch. But then you confused me by also having the Carl Sagan observatory on the same moon. Just how developed do you have Pluto's moon? :)

So, overall, not bad - the question is, can you make it feel more immediate and interesting without telling so much? Also, think carefully about your POV use - "a red-haired man" is a very distant thing to say. If you're in Hui Sun's POV then she already knows his name. Not sure how prevalent omniscient still is in SF, but I would have presumed that genre had moved more to first person or third person limited.
 
Hi Will

Well done on the post! First thing I'll say is: Beware of the Teeth! :D

I have to say I'm 100% with Brian on that prelude/prologue bit at the start. I got about two and half paragraphs in and thought sheesh, this is like a wacky 'A' Level phsyics lesson. And sadly, not in a good way. As Brin says, it's telling us a load of stuff, but absolutely none of it feels important, relevant, urgent, anything to do with plot, character; I can't see any McGuffin in there that might get things moving. And the worst thing: there's nothing in this opening that makes me want to read on. Sorry if that's harsh, but that's how I see it.

I'd seriously question whether you absolutely, absolutely need it in there. I'd be surprised if the answer's yes. So my advice would be to scrap it, and see if the questions and theories it posits wouldn't be better served being drip-fed into the novel at other points in a more organic fashion? Using dialogue would be a much better way, IMO. But there are other techniques as well.

The start of Chapter 1 is good. Pretty nifty, in fact. There's the beginnings of a nice relationship dynamic between Hui and Chris, and you've set a scene up extremely efficiently and briskly. You've also got the plot moving almost immediately by setting up a problem to be solved, and the dual conflicts of the disappearing galaxy and the squabbling staffers at the ground station. There are also some nice flourishes in there toward the beginning.

But then you lapse almost immediately back into a huge swathe of infodumping which pretty much lasts for the rest of the piece, bar the last paragraph. Instead of dropping us into the story, or into the middle of something that's actually happening, you're force-feeding the reader a whole load of world-building; history, names, geography, wars, geopolitical situations and more... and it's too much. Far too much. This sort of stuff can come later, and again there is probably a way that you can sow it into the architecture of the story in a more organic way.

Think of it this way. You've actually presented the reader with a very clear scenario of conflict; there's a galaxy that has just disappeared. That's clearly a Pretty Big Deal. But we can't actually tell why it's a big deal, why these characters care about it and what impact it has upon the plot (ie how is this event getting things moving?). Of course, it might not have to get thing moving; it could be a device to introduce aspects f the characters; but that's not happening either. Instead we get bogged down in the future history of the UN and its funding structure. Boooring!!*

That's all stuff that comes later, after you've immersed us in some action and have got us - as Brian says - engaged in the story and the characters. Once you've done that, we'll tolerate - and even welcome - the world-building, because it gives us an idea of the stakes and the scope of the story.

On another note, think about the structure of your writing. Take a look at the post you've pasted above. Almost every paragraph is the same length. Having a near-constant structure and timing to the makeup of your writing is a sure way of trying the reader's patience. Happily, it's an easy thing to remedy; simply chop up and vary the length, pace, speed and feel of your sentences and paragraphs. It keeps the reader on their toes and more engaged.

I initially intended to give you a rough line edit as there are also some punctuation and syntactical glitches here and there, but to be honest that's detail and probably would just stop you seeing the wood for the trees - perhaps that can come next time. I'd get the high level stuff sorted first, such as getting us into the story pronto pronto and removing the prologue.

And keep at it - there's a a cool concept in here, but it's currently buried - set it free!

*This stuff isn't "boooring" per se. I love books that don't shirk the political stuff, but I really really wouldn't open with it.
 
Hi WillWallace,

I'm not much of a writer, but I love sci-fi. Here are some of my opinions that may or maynot help.

The "observer" in the prelude did nothing for me, but add confusion. I think leaving mention of it/him/her out would provide more into the description of your universe hypothesis.

Chapter 1

Hui Sun seems a be pretentious to snap back at the red hair man for growling out orders. maybe "growling" isn't the right word here and her reaction is too much.

(out of time for today, I'll try to add more later).
 
Personally, I would cut the entire italicised part because it’s just backstory and infodump that can be explained in the course of the book. Also, the paragraphs between “when problems cropped up” and “developed a fault” are infodump as well. The structure of the world government doesn’t matter anything like as much as what’s happening to these two people in their observation room. What I think you can’t do is to have an exciting thing happen to grab the reader – a galaxy vanishes – and then drop in a wad of background text immediately after. Whatever excitement was gained from the galaxy vanishing fades away when the history lesson gets going. I think this sort of thing has to be left for later, and worked in more subtly.

Similarly, be careful of infodump in dialogue. The “I don’t care if you’re the…” is just a way of telling the reader who Chris is. Personally, I would far rather read “Christopher Muller, head of the Sagan Observatory, gazed at the…” or something like that, as you have done for Hui. Also, I wouldn’t break the tension. This is presumably world-shattering stuff. I would keep them astonished and perhaps rather afraid throughout. Perhaps we should see them waiting for the results, being nervous, as if for exam results.

It’s well-written, though. The paragraphs that I’ve mentioned could have come from an official history of the station: the prose is good. It's more a matter of structure than the writing itself, which is much easier to amend.
 
Hi Will! I can be didactic and sharp, but I liked this enough to read it and comment.

Strike prelude. It's dull, you don't need it, you won't have any readers after it.

“Check those readings again,” the tall, red-haired man growled. “That can’t possibly be right!”

"Don't use epithets," the helpful critiquer said.

Hui Sun, assistant astrophysicist at the Tombaugh station on Charon, wasn’t used to being spoken to this way. Gathering herself up to her full height of five feet, green eyes glinting, she replied with more than a little anger, “Christopher Muller, I don’t care that you are the head of the Sagan Observatory, you will talk to me in a respectful manner!”

Because she always speaks to her colleagues like they're five? You're trying to slide info in here and it just doesn't work. Don't care about the station name, don't care about the name of the observatory, don't care about her eye colour (and anyway, who's seeing it? Is she thinking about her eye colour?), don't care about their surnames.

Even more importantly. One person speaking per paragraph. This is not optional.

Shoulders sagging, Christopher gave her a contrite look, then grinned. Although he was nearly fifty years old, he could make himself appear almost boyish when he smiled. “Sorry, Hui, it’s just that there has to be something wrong-a galaxy doesn’t simply vanish. We have to either find out what’s causing the problem, or throw out all our latest data.”

A galaxy has disappeared? I'm three paragraphs in and I find that out? That's the interesting bit. Seriously. Lead with it.

The galaxy in question was designated A3444-JD, and was the most remote confirmed object they had detected, at a distance of 14.1 billion light-years. Their observations at the Carl Sagan Observatory, located on Pluto’s moon Charon, had given them a wealth of information on the object over the past four weeks, since the telescope first came on line. But suddenly, the nearly 100 meter diameter, segmented mirror telescope, the largest in space, was giving them trouble. Over the past two hours, it refused to supply any data from its primary target, A3444-JD.

Boring info-dump with too many numbers. I don't care about the diameter, I don't care about the .1 billion light years (I might care about the 14), I don't really care about the galaxy designation enough to read it twice.

The rest of it is an info-dump, again. Get me invested in the characters and the situation, then tell me about station construction.

What do I need to know to understand the story? Tell me that, when I need it, or when it emerges naturally.
 
I almost didn't include the prelude when I posted this, after reading it again before it seemed off. Appears to be one point everyone including myself agrees on, it has to go :)

I think you are far too distant with this piece - by doing so, you make us less engaged with it. The opening that is italicised exists simply to tell, and in most of the paragraphs that follow, instead of inviting the reader to the immediacy of the piece, you instead provide backstory on how things work.

This may or may not work in the context of the hard SF you might be aiming for. But IMO you're missing a trick by not focusing on characters, instead of infodumping.

Btw, I do like the way you have "Tombaugh Station" on "Charon" - that's a nice touch. But then you confused me by also having the Carl Sagan observatory on the same moon. Just how developed do you have Pluto's moon? :)

So, overall, not bad - the question is, can you make it feel more immediate and interesting without telling so much? Also, think carefully about your POV use - "a red-haired man" is a very distant thing to say. If you're in Hui Sun's POV then she already knows his name. Not sure how prevalent omniscient still is in SF, but I would have presumed that genre had moved more to first person or third person limited.

The observatory is part of the station, perhaps I need to make that clearer. And I see the pointlessness of explaining all about the UN in the first chapter, it could be done piecemeal later.
 
Hi Will

Well done on the post! First thing I'll say is: Beware of the Teeth! :D

I have to say I'm 100% with Brian on that prelude/prologue bit at the start. I got about two and half paragraphs in and thought sheesh, this is like a wacky 'A' Level phsyics lesson. And sadly, not in a good way. As Brin says, it's telling us a load of stuff, but absolutely none of it feels important, relevant, urgent, anything to do with plot, character; I can't see any McGuffin in there that might get things moving. And the worst thing: there's nothing in this opening that makes me want to read on. Sorry if that's harsh, but that's how I see it.

I'd seriously question whether you absolutely, absolutely need it in there. I'd be surprised if the answer's yes. So my advice would be to scrap it, and see if the questions and theories it posits wouldn't be better served being drip-fed into the novel at other points in a more organic fashion? Using dialogue would be a much better way, IMO. But there are other techniques as well.

The start of Chapter 1 is good. Pretty nifty, in fact. There's the beginnings of a nice relationship dynamic between Hui and Chris, and you've set a scene up extremely efficiently and briskly. You've also got the plot moving almost immediately by setting up a problem to be solved, and the dual conflicts of the disappearing galaxy and the squabbling staffers at the ground station. There are also some nice flourishes in there toward the beginning.

But then you lapse almost immediately back into a huge swathe of infodumping which pretty much lasts for the rest of the piece, bar the last paragraph. Instead of dropping us into the story, or into the middle of something that's actually happening, you're force-feeding the reader a whole load of world-building; history, names, geography, wars, geopolitical situations and more... and it's too much. Far too much. This sort of stuff can come later, and again there is probably a way that you can sow it into the architecture of the story in a more organic way.

Think of it this way. You've actually presented the reader with a very clear scenario of conflict; there's a galaxy that has just disappeared. That's clearly a Pretty Big Deal. But we can't actually tell why it's a big deal, why these characters care about it and what impact it has upon the plot (ie how is this event getting things moving?). Of course, it might not have to get thing moving; it could be a device to introduce aspects f the characters; but that's not happening either. Instead we get bogged down in the future history of the UN and its funding structure. Boooring!!*

That's all stuff that comes later, after you've immersed us in some action and have got us - as Brian says - engaged in the story and the characters. Once you've done that, we'll tolerate - and even welcome - the world-building, because it gives us an idea of the stakes and the scope of the story.

On another note, think about the structure of your writing. Take a look at the post you've pasted above. Almost every paragraph is the same length. Having a near-constant structure and timing to the makeup of your writing is a sure way of trying the reader's patience. Happily, it's an easy thing to remedy; simply chop up and vary the length, pace, speed and feel of your sentences and paragraphs. It keeps the reader on their toes and more engaged.

I initially intended to give you a rough line edit as there are also some punctuation and syntactical glitches here and there, but to be honest that's detail and probably would just stop you seeing the wood for the trees - perhaps that can come next time. I'd get the high level stuff sorted first, such as getting us into the story pronto pronto and removing the prologue.

And keep at it - there's a a cool concept in here, but it's currently buried - set it free!

*This stuff isn't "boooring" per se. I love books that don't shirk the political stuff, but I really really wouldn't open with it.

Again, the prelude and infodump points are spot on. I'll look at the structure more, see about mixing it up more.
 
Hi WillWallace,

I'm not much of a writer, but I love sci-fi. Here are some of my opinions that may or maynot help.

The "observer" in the prelude did nothing for me, but add confusion. I think leaving mention of it/him/her out would provide more into the description of your universe hypothesis.

Chapter 1

Hui Sun seems a be pretentious to snap back at the red hair man for growling out orders. maybe "growling" isn't the right word here and her reaction is too much.

(out of time for today, I'll try to add more later).

Oh, that dreaded prelude! I'm not overly enthused about the use of "growling" either, maybe "snapped" would be better.
 
Personally, I would cut the entire italicised part because it’s just backstory and infodump that can be explained in the course of the book. Also, the paragraphs between “when problems cropped up” and “developed a fault” are infodump as well. The structure of the world government doesn’t matter anything like as much as what’s happening to these two people in their observation room. What I think you can’t do is to have an exciting thing happen to grab the reader – a galaxy vanishes – and then drop in a wad of background text immediately after. Whatever excitement was gained from the galaxy vanishing fades away when the history lesson gets going. I think this sort of thing has to be left for later, and worked in more subtly.

Similarly, be careful of infodump in dialogue. The “I don’t care if you’re the…” is just a way of telling the reader who Chris is. Personally, I would far rather read “Christopher Muller, head of the Sagan Observatory, gazed at the…” or something like that, as you have done for Hui. Also, I wouldn’t break the tension. This is presumably world-shattering stuff. I would keep them astonished and perhaps rather afraid throughout. Perhaps we should see them waiting for the results, being nervous, as if for exam results.

It’s well-written, though. The paragraphs that I’ve mentioned could have come from an official history of the station: the prose is good. It's more a matter of structure than the writing itself, which is much easier to amend.

I agree about the paragraphs you mentioned, they can all be moved out of the chapter and that would let the action flow better. It's a little difficult for me to see where it's good to provide the information you need to build a world without bogging down the story in boring details.
 
Hi Will! I can be didactic and sharp, but I liked this enough to read it and comment.

Strike prelude. It's dull, you don't need it, you won't have any readers after it.

“Check those readings again,” the tall, red-haired man growled. “That can’t possibly be right!”

"Don't use epithets," the helpful critiquer said.

Hui Sun, assistant astrophysicist at the Tombaugh station on Charon, wasn’t used to being spoken to this way. Gathering herself up to her full height of five feet, green eyes glinting, she replied with more than a little anger, “Christopher Muller, I don’t care that you are the head of the Sagan Observatory, you will talk to me in a respectful manner!”

Because she always speaks to her colleagues like they're five? You're trying to slide info in here and it just doesn't work. Don't care about the station name, don't care about the name of the observatory, don't care about her eye colour (and anyway, who's seeing it? Is she thinking about her eye colour?), don't care about their surnames.

Even more importantly. One person speaking per paragraph. This is not optional.

Shoulders sagging, Christopher gave her a contrite look, then grinned. Although he was nearly fifty years old, he could make himself appear almost boyish when he smiled. “Sorry, Hui, it’s just that there has to be something wrong-a galaxy doesn’t simply vanish. We have to either find out what’s causing the problem, or throw out all our latest data.”

A galaxy has disappeared? I'm three paragraphs in and I find that out? That's the interesting bit. Seriously. Lead with it.

The galaxy in question was designated A3444-JD, and was the most remote confirmed object they had detected, at a distance of 14.1 billion light-years. Their observations at the Carl Sagan Observatory, located on Pluto’s moon Charon, had given them a wealth of information on the object over the past four weeks, since the telescope first came on line. But suddenly, the nearly 100 meter diameter, segmented mirror telescope, the largest in space, was giving them trouble. Over the past two hours, it refused to supply any data from its primary target, A3444-JD.

Boring info-dump with too many numbers. I don't care about the diameter, I don't care about the .1 billion light years (I might care about the 14), I don't really care about the galaxy designation enough to read it twice.

The rest of it is an info-dump, again. Get me invested in the characters and the situation, then tell me about station construction.

What do I need to know to understand the story? Tell me that, when I need it, or when it emerges naturally.

Ok, ok, the prelude is gone :). And the paragraph with too many numbers is getting trimmed somewhat, it is too dry.

So,
"Check those readings again,” the tall, red-haired man growled. “That can’t possibly be right!” should be more like
“Check those readings again,” Christopher snapped. “That can’t possibly be right!” ?
 
Thanks to everyone who took the time to read through this and write up your comments. Good suggestions that I can clearly see will make the piece better.
 
I'm guessing (and therefore am probably wrong) that this is a first draft, right? It screams of first draft. So many FDs drop a motherload infodump right at the start before hitting the story proper. Mine sure did.

To be frank, I think this is a good approach to first drafts. It's good from the author's perspective to get themselves fully immersed in the world; get a feel for it, really understand it, understand its history, its infrastructure, its customs and all that good stuff that will expand and deepen the experience for the reader. But come the second and subsequent draft, all that stuff at the start has to go to make way for the story. And once you're confident of the story, getting rid of the fluff is much easier than it probably seems at the first draft stage. It doesn't matter that it goes because by that point (hopefully) the writer will know his world so intimately and instinctively that weaving the world-building into the story will become a more natural process. I'm actually writing the first draft of a sequel novel right now... and I've done exactly the same thing and drop the motherload at the beginning (actually at Chapter 2 rather than 1 but the point remains). But it doesn't other me because I know it's going to go the next time around. but it sure helps me get into the look and feel of the world.

And even if I'm wrong and it's not a first draft, it's still not too late to adopt this approach.

EDIT: and judging by your responses you've obviously got the right attitude toward it - I think you'll come back with a greatly improved version some time soon.
 
Definitely a first draft, up to a bit over 50,000 words now and coming(maybe) close to an ending. I get what you're saying about the infodump, it makes the world I'm trying to build clearer in my head, which helps me to keep things hanging together as the story progresses. But spooning info out, instead of dumping a truckload of it, would definitely keep readers more interested.
 
Ok, ok, the prelude is gone :). And the paragraph with too many numbers is getting trimmed somewhat, it is too dry.

So,
"Check those readings again,” the tall, red-haired man growled. “That can’t possibly be right!” should be more like
“Check those readings again,” Christopher snapped. “That can’t possibly be right!” ?

Yes, but obviously be careful that you're not confusing your point of view. By default, I'm expecting the first character named (like this) to be the POV character for the next section at least.
 
Yes, but obviously be careful that you're not confusing your point of view. By default, I'm expecting the first character named (like this) to be the POV character for the next section at least.

Trying to get a better handle on the whole pov thing. Does anyone think this article explains it properly? Seems to make sense to me.

http://www.sfwriter.com/ow07.htm
 
Yes, that's pretty much it. If you are writing in limited 3rd person, you have to decide on a person to follow in each chapter, section or similar chunk. Not only are you describing what they are doing - and can't really describe anyone who isn't with them - but you are also seeing the world through their perspective. If I was buying a new car, I wouldn't think about the history of car manufacture - so if you wrote a scene about me buying a new car, you couldn't use that scene to tell the reader about the history of car manufacture. The points where you've talked about backstory in the section you posted couldn't really stay if you wrote in close 3rd person, because neither character would be thinking about them at the time.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
Perpetual Man Critiques 9
Perpetual Man Critiques 25
willwallace Critiques 16
A Critiques 5
elvet Book Discussion 10

Similar threads


Back
Top