May / June 100 Word Anonymous Challenge 2024


Easily amused
Feb 21, 2006
Ontario, Canada
This is the thread for the stories. You may enter as many stories as you like.
Send your entries via private message (also known as conversation) to @elvet
I (elvet) will be accepting entries between Tuesday May the 7th and Friday June 7 at 23:59:59 GMT. I will then post a poll, and voting will continue for at least 5 days.
Note that the poll will be by entry title only, since the author will be unknown. So please come up with some interesting titles.
MAKE SURE WHAT YOU SEND ME IS YOUR FINAL VERSION. I cannot guarantee that I will l check in within the 1 hour we have for an edit. To make it fair for everyone, the story I get is the one that is posted.
GENRE: OPEN (anything goes)
The discussion thread is here
"The Investor"​

“I already told you, babe. It’s not a ‘pirate beard’. It’s a goatee.”

Mike stroked the patch of brown fuzz on his chin with pride. Jessica was not impressed.

“Mike, it’s awful. Won’t you please shave it off?”

She held the beard trimmer toward him, pleading. He continued to stare at himself in the mirror.

“This is me now, babe. You’re dating a man who gets things done. 2000 is going to be our year, I can feel it. I’m going to walk into that stock broker’s office today and put all of our savings into We can’t lose!”
The Buccaneer

Raise the sails and tack them to fly, cannons are powdered so lay them broadside.

I once wore the uniform and swore my life to 'King and Country'. What fool was I to think I could change my station! Then during a battle, I turncoat and sided with the privateer. The look on me old captains face was priceless as I took his own sword for mine. Now I command his ship rechristened, Hades.

With musket and sword, we fought them at sea. So, drink yer rum for my song is done and aye lads, so are thee.
Captain Bligh’s Regret

“Dear, why are you and the corgis dressed up like sailors?”

“We’re playing Pirates! There she is boys, the Queen Anne. Take her a prize by any means!”

“What nonsense! I’m off to Nelson’s for afternoon tea.”

“She’s baring her aft, fire! BOOM, BOOM!”

“Excuse me?!”

“Prepare to be boarded, you scurvy wench!”


“It’s Davy Jones Locker for you, Captain Bligh. Now, I must be off.”

“Pull away boy’s; she out gunned us,” the corgis tugged at their costumes. “Fetch the aspirin and see if we can find a pegleg for your injured captain.”

(Limp, Limp, Limp…)

We fixed his teeth, straightened his nose, applied a timely prosthetic to his leg, and over several weeks made epigenetic adjustments, and stimulated mitochondrial regeneration.

He lost weight, stopped drinking… his confidence blossomed.

Day before our temporal engineers returned him, my apprentice approached me, concerned, affected, asking, “Will he be different? Will he make a different life?”

I knew where this was heading.

I was a little cold. “Our legislature needs to see proven outcomes in societal interventions to evidence our proposals for present-day issues.”

“But will he change? What d’you think?”

“I think we made him a better pirate.”
New Commodity

Reptile marauders!
They drew alongside, attached tow anchors and hacked the airlock. They slithered onto the control deck, weapons raised, with their hideous crocodile like grins.
We were helpless. Pointless shooting this reptilian filth, their wounds sealed in a couple of seconds.

“We are outgoing, empty,” said our captain. “We have no nyomium in the hold.”

The hijacking reptile spoke, “Order your crew to the airlock.”

“But I told you, we have nothing of value.”

The reptile gargled an approximation of laughter.
“No captain, not nyomium we want. New business now, fresh human meat fetch good price on Theta 4.”
Two Can Play at This Game

“If you can’t join them beat them, I say.”

“Isn’t it the other way around, sir?”

“Not after what they did to us, Lieutenant.”

“But they left us in this Life Pod with rations, navigating map and a working Rescue Beacon!”

“They took my ship and killed my crew! Our signal has been received, ready your gear."

“Who are they?”

“Space Marines. Those pirates are about to find out what I’m made of.”
Dead Air

Good morning Burroughs City, good afternoon Port Bradbury, good evening Wells Town! This is Radio Free Mars, broadcasting twenty-four hours, thirty-nine minutes, and thirty-five seconds a day, six hundred and sixty-eight days a year! This is Maddy Nakamura spinning the Golden Oldies from way up on Deimos. The Ares Corporation calls us pirates, but they're the ones ripping you off. RFM tells the truth! What are they gonna do, blast us out of the sky?

Let's get started with one for all you miners.

You load sixteen tons, what do you get? Another day older and …


Illegally downloaded Galactic Code

James Webb director Melonglow Funtameyer frowned at the assembled UN Outer Space Affairs team, and said:

This is no joke, we received a communication from the Ophiuchus constellation this morning. In morse. Embedded in radio bursts.’
‘Pay attention’, he continued, ‘while I repeat that message.’
Dearest Earthians. It is my duty to inform you, by writ of the Galactic Bongerlon, that the DNA image used in your Voyager spacecraft has been illegally obtained. And constitutes copyright theft. You are hereby instructed to cease all replication of this Helix. You now have three billion Earth years to comply, or face sanction.’
Treasure Every Moment

‘A Martian Galleon laden with Lanthanum you say? Do you have a bearing?’

‘Yes Captain. 400,000 km off the port bow.’

‘Excellent Quartermaster, ready the Tetryon Cannon, arm the Phaser Array, and hoist the Jolly Roger.’




‘Spit it out man.’

‘Well. Pirate life is short and brutal. Why don’t we just enjoy each other's company?’

‘You’re right, life as a buccaneer is short and brutal.’

‘I’m glad you agree.’

‘I absolutely do, now fetch the Botswain and tell him to hack you to death. But make sure that other stuff I asked for is done first.’
Retirement, The Life for Me?

“You never forget the wind in your face as it fills the sails! Singing bawdy shanties while drinking rum. Running from the English navy while sticking it to them. Gold and treasures from plundering your victims ships! Never enjoyed walking the plank though, but I did enjoy the lassies! Which is why I had to walk the plank. Aye, the pirate’s life for me…”

“That was an interesting story! Break time is up, so back to swabbing the pubs floor, Mr. Thrush.”

“It’s Sparrow, Jack Sparrow. A Thrush is a completely different bird with a different accent all together.”
Thwack of the Titans

Bernice Rontalpleck was feeling disappointed:

Why don’t we pay for a subscription Trevor?, we could manage Doosney …I’d even settle for Hogwash Player at this stage.’

‘No need Bernie, the Pirate Cove Download Site has equally good AI versions of the Classics -here, let’s watch this one.’

Bernice rolled her eyes when a title screen introduced ‘Perseus Clobberem in Thwack of the Titans’.

And winced as the film dialogue began:

-'But Perseus, why would you gouge out the innards of a thousand Olympians? ...they were not our enemies.'

-'Oh right, sorry about that Hades, my mistake, well ...they are now.'
The Rascals of Palossis

Calondrican Guard Joseph Bottleneck felt the blood drain from his face.

Pirates’, he stammered.

It was too late to sound the alarm, their rocket was landed and it's crew had entered the Council Chamber. By the time Joseph organized a Platoon to retake the Chamber, the Buccaneer Rocket was gone. And all was left inside was a menacing note stating their demand:

‘Citizens of Calondria, we, the Rascals of Palossis, have captured every last one of your Politicians -if you do not come up with an eighty billion tonne Zartonim ransom by sunset, we will release one of the hostages.’
The last moments of Buckslap Muckybeard

Buckslap Muckybeard waved his cutlass at the vanquished Captain.

‘Reveal where your cargo be skipper, or die by my sword.’

‘Good sir. Our cargo is but words. For we are a galleon of untold stories, bound for oblivion.'

‘Then let me hear a tale.’

'As you wish, for let it be told:
  • That a sudden reckoning fell upon a pirate and his crew.
  • Who came to understand they were nothing.
  • But misguided fools on a cosmic ocean.
  • On hearing this Buckslap Muckybeard made to protest.
  • But couldn’t.
  • For like these words, his life was spent.
  • And oblivion embraced its guests.’
Bad Mixers

I discarded the laminate menu. The drinks all had names like lost pets, and the drunk across from me was already slurring as he wove tales of woe and shattered hopes. Judith fluttered to the third chair, staining the haze of cowboy killers with her ethereal pink presence. She whispered encouragement, pushing positivity like a pimp. He couldn’t protest. Couldn’t interrupt. He lacked the word. Only clarity and toxic purpose remained as he slumped.

“Lookin’ for a partner?” she asked, picking a fingernail.

“Yar, tis a woe tide when Good Idea Faeries and But Pirates mix,” I snorted.
Sinking of 'The Brothers Revenge'

The Jolly Roger waved in the breeze as Captain and Mate survived the waters around them.

“Captain! Mr. Brown off the Starboard!”

“Send that old grouch a volley!”

Mr. Brown sank in no time.

“Lilly Johnson off the Port, and she be tending her sheep!”

“She snitched on us in class. Fire all guns!”

The cannons rang out, but the Lilly returned fire.

“Boys, it’s Dinner time!”

“Pirates don’t eat during a battle!” They replied.

“Sticky toffee pudding is being served for dessert!”

“We’ll be right there!” They called out while climbing down from the tree fort.
Patched Up

"What is thy bidding, my master?"

"Ye know what day it is today, Darth lad?"

"The day me and my son overthrow you, and take our rightful places as rulers of the Empire?"

"Errr... no matey. It's 'talk like pirate' day."

*Sigh* "So that's what the eye patch and the parrot on your shoulder is for."


"But why have a real parrot? There's bird muck all over the throne room."

"He's no good to me dead."

"Fett is a bounty hunter, not a pirate."

"I know."

"Okay, I'll give you that one."

Hunting Dracula’s Ship, The Hell Sword

Captain Talbot, a fierce and cunning werewolf, was ready to take on the infamous Dracula and his vampire legion.

Werewolves stormed Dracula’s ship. The lycanthrope fought ferociously against the relentless vampires. Both sides battled for supremacy, neither willing to back down.

Talbot’s deafening howl struck tremendous fear into the blood drinkers. The moonlit battlefield weakened the vampires and strengthened the werewolf pirates.

In the end, the werewolves emerged victorious. They sailed off into the night, knowing that they had defeated Dracula and his crew, and also
cemented their reputation as the most feared and respected pirates on the high seas.
Captain Bartholomew Robert's Grammerly Adventure

Captain Roberts was frustrated, and his crew were getting restless.

‘Patience Bosun -we may be pirates but we are still sailors.’

‘Aye, right -In a pigs eye, if we don’t be findin plunder soon ya be facin mutiny sir.’

‘Be patient, we will.’

‘Aye, right -I ain’t not seen a galleon in days an there be a thirst on me.’

‘Use the Queen’s English, what you say is ‘I am thirsty’ if you have need or want to drink, and know that a double negative makes a positive.’

'What bout a double positive cap’n?’

‘Also makes a positive.’

‘Aye, right.’
Welcome Aboard

They arrived at the ship in need, but when docking was complete the destressed ships AI took over their power. When the power returned the crew had lost control of their own ship, and they realized what happened when the Skull and Crossbones appeared on the monitors.

Some of the crew had their suites on when the Air Locks and safety’s where overridden, those who didn’t were exposed to the vacuum of space as the interior of their ship was voided. Trapped in their suites, the terrified survivors became the unwilling crew of a Dead Mans Ship.

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