Question on your time at school

[Phyrebrat]

Morning all,

I’m curious to find out about my fellow chronners’ and genre-lovers’ school experiences.

What was your experience in terms of social groups and/or bullying? Many genre fans (SFFH) over the years have mentioned how they were loners or othered at school.

I certainly lived in an escapist world of horror and Scifi and tho I wasn’t bullied or friendless, I never really felt at peace in school. Part of it was probably to do with à neurodivergence issue but I remember a lot of my cohort being baffled by my obsession with Audrey II and SW. I was at a boys’ grammar school in Bournemouth so there was (I suppose) more tolerance for my love of horror but not to the depths I took it.

Would you consider your school experience a lonely one? Was there access to the SFFH content you liked?

I also wonder how this differs between the UK and other countries.

 

[HareBrain]

Strange as it seems to me now, SFF played little part in my school socialising (and H played none at all, because I was a wuss). Even when I took to gaming, it was with a group of my brother's friends from two years lower. I can't remember talking to anyone else about SFF media I liked, except in a very cursory way.

(This was a UK comprehensive in a largely middle-class area in the 1980s.)

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Miserable school days, no geeky type friendships. I retreated and created a secondary world to be safe in which eventually became Abendau

 

[CupofJoe]

Aside from Star Wars or what ever film was doing the rounds, no-one was really into SFFH at high school. I think I was the only person I knew that read books for fun and without a teacher forcing me.
But when I got to sixth form there was a D&D group!
If we weren’t in class, we’d run sessions [of just about any RPG we had] for as long as we could, but not at lunch. It was just as nerdy as you might expect and all male.
Lunch was spent with a different group that was a bit more literate. That was where I was introduced to Lovecraft, Eddings, Feist, Gemmel, May, and a host of other writers. The core of this group was three girls that had gone to the same boarding school. I had a maths class with one of them and got folded into the group.
I don’t think that at any time since I have been as social. Every weekend there was a party, birthday or an epic table top game or RPG session.
As for being bullied… I never was or never noticed it if I was. I guess I was lucky. There were people I didn't get one with and one fairly serious fight. But I played rugby and was in the ATC so fairly prepared to give as good as I got.

 

[The Judge]

All-girls grammar school in a major industrial Midlands city. Made a friend in the first year, who remained my best friend all through school, and by the fifth form we'd formed a close-knit group with another three girls, and our friendships lasted all through university. (Still in touch with all of them, though only via Christmas/birthday cards for the most part.) So I wasn't a loner nor bullied (at least not that I was conscious of and remember) which looking back is strange, as practically everyone else was from very nice middle class homes, and I was from the other end of the city in a distinctly working class area, and my parents couldn't afford all the school uniform so I had, for instance, home-made summer dresses and lab coats. (Arrogance, even at the age of 11, and a middle-class accent courtesy of my mother obviously counted for a lot!)

No SFF, though (and certainly no H) save that a couple of us were very into Star Trek, fawning over Kirk and Spock respectively -- the other girl used to stand on the hockey field mentally pleading to be "beamed up" to avoid games! Nothing SFF-y in the school reading, though one English teacher did remark of a story of mine "Episode [number] of Star Trek??" and we all got very excited when our stern headmistress actually mentioned ST in an assembly -- only to point out that "to boldly go" was a split infinitive, which on no account were we to copy.

 

[Elckerlyc]

No nasty experiences at school. I wasn't very popular and always got elected last with sports, but at least I could understand why. (It only did hurt when a teacher compared me with my elder brother who was better at sports and gymnastics.) I was a bit of a loner and read an awful lot, but wasn't a great fan SF at first. I enjoyed it but took time to grow on me. Until the moment I nearly exclusively read SF. I was a fan! That was after my school days.
When I discovered there were loads of interesting books that never got translated into Dutch - and especially so in the genres SF & F - I gradually switched sections in the library; from Dutch mainstream to English SF. I have been lost ever since. Meaning; there was no one in my social or familial circle with whom I could discuss in depth about what I read, share what really, really interested and basically formed me in those days.

So, no special school experiences, but definitely a bit apart from the rest. Then and later.

 

[nixie]

When we moved to England my school life became a nightmare. My accent singled me out as a target for bullies, not violence but name calling. I lost myself in books. Made one friend and we remained friends until her death.

 

[OuttaInc]

As a child I was less interested in SF and more into actual science and tech. I was a nerd, and a teacher’s pet, and the other kids bullied me mercilessly for it until the end of 6th grade when I finally pushed back and the bullying stopped.

Two years later I applied for and was accepted into a governor’s high school for science and technology where I finally found “my people.” I wasn’t exactly popular (I had a very small friend group), but I was no longer ridiculed for being a nerd. That school changed everything for me.

 

[Mouse]

I hated and despised school and left it as soon as was humanly possible and I feel sorry for kids nowadays who have to stay there til they're 18. I wasn't bullied exactly, but most people were awful to me - luckily I was cleverer than the vast majority of them so could fob them off. The nasty comments were never anything to do with me liking SFF - none of them knew about that because I wasn't friends with any of them, but it was all to do with the way I looked (and a couple of those things - big bum, big lips - are things those morons probably wished they had now, so in your face, losers!).

I played up at school and was constantly in trouble - either in detention or on report. And that's because I was bored. And the teachers didn't realise I was bored because I was clever and had learnt everything the first time round and didn't need to have things repeated constantly like the other idiots, until the exams, where I was getting high scores in everything despite doing minimal work and constantly being thrown out of class. They then (too late) bumped me up into the higher tier groups.

I remember after the GCSEs, which I did no studying for, but passed most with C grade anyway, the head teacher (who I'd constantly been in trouble with) came out and spoke to me in the car park about how well I did and how surprised he was. I really wanted to tell him I wasn't an idiot.

So yeah, I always hated it when people said 'school's the best time of your life' because it was my worst. I feel so, so sorry for kids nowadays who have social media and online bullying to deal with because I'm not sure how I would've coped with that.

edited to add: I went to a crappy fully comprehensive working class school for morons.

 

[Swank]

I was not in the popular clique but well liked among other groups. Very active in school - plays, student government, art contests, sports. Dated the whole way through. I was not a very good target for bullying, but it happened occasionally because I drew attention to myself.

I get the impression that my high school was generally a pretty relaxed and tolerant place compared to many other peoples' experiences.


Most of my friends read Piers Anthony, and I didn't read fantasy but SF. One friend like Trek and Who, but we never really discussed it. I was the only one reading X-Men or other comics. So my SF tastes had nothing to do with my social scene.

 

[Wayne Mack]

Throughout school, I wasn't a big social type and maintained a small group of friends. My major social connections were from being in band from late elementary school through the end of high school. I was born about the the same time as sputnik was launched and I grew up during the Apollo years in the US. Science, particularly space exploration were very prominent in the media and this just felt normal. My earliest memory of writing was an early grade school story about an expedition flying around the sun. Television had limited options and there were several science fiction themed shows and others that took on science fiction like aspects. My novel reading was varied, but I did search out Analog and Isaac Asimov's magazines. I can't say that I ever retreated into science fiction, but I was always comfortable being by myself and just reading.

 

[Thiswriterinme]

School was hard for me. I was definitely a science fiction and fantasy nerd, partially inspired by my father's love of books. He read a lot of the classics to me as a kid, and I was in love. So, I spent a lot of my free time engrossed in books rather than cliques, sports, and other high school activities.

I did have a few friends throughout my school years. We shared a love of emo music and went to a lot of concerts together. However, they didn't share my enjoyment of reading, science fiction, or fantasy. I was on my own there.
Being a neurodivergent introvert at a public inner city school (albeit a small city), was not easy and really complicated for me. The school I went to was incredibly diverse but that almost made it harder to form connections because if you didn't have your "tribe" before going in, a lot of the social circles were already set and not accepting new members. I never understood all the drama around sports, dances, dating, clothes, and whatever other trends were happening which kept me on the outside. Eventually, I just preferred being on my own.

On top of that, the three friends I had were really toxic, despite our shared interests. I haven't kept in touch with them post-high school.

To get out of there ASAP, I graduated in only 3 years by taking some university classes to get all my credits.

My love of science fiction and fantasy books is another reason I gravitated toward writing. I did a lot of that in school, too. Because, why would I take notes when I could be writing an awesome story? I wrote my first few novel-length manuscripts in high school and promptly did nothing with them.

It was my self-imposed solitude, love of SFF reading, writing, and music that made high school bearable. Though, I do think the reading and music were what inspired me most to pursue creative writing. If I hadn't had those social drawbacks, I might not be doing what I love now.

 

[Parson]

@Phyrebrat .... Great Thread!!!

-----

I was on both sides of popular/unpopular equation. In my elementary and Jr. High years I was definitely bullied. I was especially picked on in PE and the like. I was often so angry by the time I came home I would go up to my room and bash my fist into the wall. The wall board was filled with indentations from my knuckles. I was not athletic, I was fat, and I was a geek, so I was a really good target. Another part of the problem was that I started 1st grade a year before I should have by age, and I was a slow maturing boy so I was always out of sync with the other boys in my class until I was about 16.

Then things changed. I had some friends (boys) in church who also felt out of it. One night when I was 16 we were riding around complaining about our lack of a social life when someone said, "Let's throw a party." --- "Would any girls come?" ---- "Maybe if we invited them?" --- So that night we formed a club. It was named (by my suggestion) the B.L.O.A.D. club (Born Losers Onward And Downward) Charlie Brown was our mascot. So we sent invitations to some of the girls and from our church youth group to a BLOAD party after church on Sunday Night. To make the long story short. We had a BLOAD party almost every Sunday night for the next two years. No booze, No drugs, but lots of pizza, weird party games and lots of talk. It was THE place to be on Sunday nights. All kinds of kids from our town would come to our parties. I'm still in contact with most of the people who were the regulars and I've got a group of college buddies who have met almost every year since we've graduated 50 years ago.

As for S.F. I discovered the juvenile Heinlein stories when I was in Jr. High and I was hooked from that time forward. I was always a reader. It was one place where I could lose myself during the bullied days.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Would you say there’s a common link here between us or not? I’m thinking of the stereotype of being an outsider because of our predilections for genre stuff (notwithstanding those who did not like it till later in life.)

Very interesting reading all your responses. I was very unhappy at school but that was a combination of loving hip hop and horror and dance and hating football and cricket (but loved cross country, athletics and I was quite good at rugby). I wasn’t bullied - my peers knew I was gay but it as a don’t ask don’t tell scenario … (also my friendships with the girls school who shared our playing field made me a rather invaluable resource for my classmates)

 

[The Big Peat]

All Boys Grammar in South London (until sixth form at which point they let in girls).

I was bullied quite a lot from years 9 through 11 (14 to 16). That was more social awkwardness than being geeky. I did still have geeky friends around that age, people I went and played warhammer with occasionally. There was also a school library full of fantasy books.

Sixth Form, for whatever reason, just shook things up in my favour. I don't know whether I'd become more likeable, or people changed their minds, but I found myself relatively in. I was still openly geeky. I'd ditched my main geeky friend from those middle years - I can remember with clarity the moment I thought "we don't live in the same reality and I can't respect this" was when he declared that if he'd been an officer in one of the world wars, he'd have challenged the opposing officer to single combat because if they turned down they'd lose their men's respects, which to me was radio rental, although tbh having a different set of friends probably had something to do with it - but still had geeky friends, some of whom had gone back for a while. I mean, it was a selective education school, we were all pretty geeky. That said I played football every lunchtime (probably something to do with fitting in), I'd skip lessons to play football or go be silly, so it wasn't all geek all the time.

I'd add that my escape into fantasy started well before secondary school and was partly informed by what was read to me at home. Primary school wasn't great though. I think part of the problem is I bruise too easily. Me and a girl kissed when we were 5 or 6 and everyone made a big deal of it and it took me a looooong time to be comfortable with showing affection to people in public afterwards.

edit: Anyway, good times, bad times, the escapist urge has always been there, and now I'm feeling rather maudlin so cheers pB you turd.

 

[paranoid marvin]

I always had my head in a book (mostly fantasy and science fiction but not always), or computer magazine; unlike most (if not all) of those I went to school with. Added to this a disinclination to want to conform to fit in with those around me meant that sometimes I stood out, which i suppose usually leads to name-calling/bullying. But I didn't care, because the worlds books took me to made up for it.

 

[THX1138]

Well, I was a small, anorexic athletic geek that was shunned by school mates as well as my own family, (I'm the oldest of three.) born with one ear and with severe chronic dyslexia. Spent a lot of my youth in the hospitals recovering from many failed surgeries on my bad ear. Was picked on a lot at school and at home, so I would read Science Journals and mags that led me to SF. I never got into F or H, like the other kids did and with my dyslexia, it took me 1 to 2 YEARS to read a book! Still does. So, when I started reading SF, I would read from authors that the other kids never heard of, that way I didn't feel bad for taking that long to read the books.

This went on into my early 20's when I started working in Renaissance Festivals in this part of the States (W, Mid W). Did that for 5 years and it was clear from the beginning I was an outsider because 1) I didn't read F or H, and 2) I was not trying to 'manifest into reality' these F or H stories. (This was and still is the same that my parents and sibs told me I had to do to be part of the 'family') To put it simply, I would not denounce my faith for the 'beliefs' of these stories in order to make them 'real' for all to see. So, I stopped doing RF's and things only got worse at home.

Fast forward to my mid 40's; I stopped reading all together for 13 years or so. Really, no SF books of any kind and very few movies either and no video games at all. I would purchase SF book, but not read them. (Got my 2 BS in Business during this time and only read, get this, company 10K's!) Well, I was also a guest on Chrons for 8 years, and last year became a member and 9 months ago, now in my late 50's, got back into reading SF again. The End.

Overkill, I know... Now I force myself to read a book in 2 months or less.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Would you say there’s a common link here between us or not? I’m thinking of the stereotype of being an outsider because of our predilections for genre stuff (notwithstanding those who did not like it till later in life.)

Very interesting reading all your responses. I was very unhappy at school but that was a combination of loving hip hop and horror and dance and hating football and cricket (but loved cross country, athletics and I was quite good at rugby). I wasn’t bullied - my peers knew I was gay but it as a don’t ask don’t tell scenario … (also my friendships with the girls school who shared our playing field made me a rather invaluable resource for my classmates)

Being an outsider had nothing to do with my genre love which came from picking up my brother’s books. It was entirely to do with having buck teeth, thick glasses and an 80s school with its tolerance for bullying. Sci fi and fantasy were my private world. When I came out as a sff author a lot of my family were very surprised as they didn’t know I was more into it than the average person

I’m an extrovert and far from an outsider now (that pretty much ended in 6th form and throughout the miserable years I had plenty of friends, just too many bullies too) or, even, then

 

[Swank]

Would you say there’s a common link here between us or not? I’m thinking of the stereotype of being an outsider because of our predilections for genre stuff (notwithstanding those who did not like it till later in life.)

While being unpopular allows(?) folks to more easily choose unpopular pastimes - that connection isn't shared by all of us. But maybe the commonality is that none of us saw ourselves "normal" and that functions in a similar way.

However, I think that cuts both ways. Genre lovers probably are a little off, which makes us a little bit less adept at working the social scene. We are looking for satisfaction in strange outlets, and that might impact how we speak and relate in social situations. I would bet many of us don't "get" the interest in popular fan sports - like football, or football.


And, being readers, we are all likely above average intelligence, with all the difficulties implied. It doesn't surprise me that the children of intelligent parents are more likely to be autistic - the further you get from average, the more attenuated the wiring. I've had an okay life, but often felt that I was the outsider even within my closest peer groups.

 

[Alex The G and T]

School was never the center of my universe. Something to be abided enough to cadge adequate grades to keep the parents happy. I cared not for spots or the mediocraties of school sponsored entertainments meant to attract the broadest attentions of the hoi poloi.

I grew up in the mountains, ten miles out of town. We learned, at a young age, to entertain ourselves. The first school was two rooms, with about 40 students ranging from 5-12 years of age. Naturally, there were always one or two big kids, of unusally advanced age for their grade level, and unusually low scholarship; who made life tough for the meeker set. Nothing really too awful, though.

In the 1960's programming was limited and my parents refused to own one. Reading was generally encouraged, even at school. I don't recall being censured for being bookish. I had plenty of other eccentricities; most of which were mostly tolerated.The parental library was rich in Adventure fiction, as was the school library. I never made much distinction between Verne and Wells and London, Twain or Kipling.

Then they shipped us off downtown to the middle school and high school. Met a lot of interesting new people and a few more people to avoid.

My homies from the mountains, and I were feral. We had thousands of acres to roam and explore. We were busy climbing mountains, discovering ghost towns, building tree forts, hiking beaches or hopping freight trains. We walked or biked miles from one friend's house to another. And when the weather was foul we'd sit and listen to music. A few of my posse had a garage band and we went to as many rock concerts as feasible.

I never could abide cliquishness, though, I had concentric circles of friends, I ran with whoever had the more interesting plans at any particular time. I had my mountain posse of Loony Boony Dooners, The more eccentric lunatics from Downtown and a third batch who were attracted to Dad's place. He was popular science teacher and faculty advisor to the Science Club, from a different school district. So I had another pool to draw on.

I think that I made an art out of not fitting in.