Shifting POV

[ckatt]

Hey all,
So the book I'm working on has two POV characters. At the beginning, they are together but after the first chapter they don't appear in a scene together for much of the book (one source of tension will be the reader wanting them to reunite.) I've experimented with a few things but what I'm trying now is to have the POV in the first chapter switch between the two characters while subsequent chapters will be one or the other. I know this is tricky with the potential to confuse or annoy the reader, but I believe that it can be done effectively if handled right.
So I'm wondering what you folks think an effective strategy would be for this first chapter. Separating it scene by scene, or full-on head hopping, or something else? Keep in mind that the book only starts off this way, so it needn't be maintained for more than the first 3000 words or so.

 

[Yozh]

Hard to tell in the abstract. If the two MCs are interacting with each other a lot or if they do not have clearly distinct roles or voices in first chapter it could confuse reader if POV jumps around. For example, if both MCs are roommates on their first day of boarding school it may be more work to make them distinct to reader than if one MC is a new student and the other an older professor.

 

[OuttaInc]

Head-hopping can be jarring for readers, especially if you’re writing both characters from a close perspective. Each jump requires the reader to do a little mental reset which can take the reader out of the story.

Are you able to convey what you need to convey with one POV per scene?

 

[ckatt]

Are you able to convey what you need to convey with one POV per scene?

I'm sure I could, but I'm not at the point of giving up this approach until I've explored it a little more.

 

[Swank]

Post your head hopping and see if you can get help making it work.

 

[HareBrain]

Shifting within a scene can work if you have an omniscient narrator (who can provide direction), but if you're sticking with close third it can be jarring, and then it's probably best to have scene breaks and be very clear whose POV we're in when.

Also bear in mind that readers tend to enjoy getting immersed in a character. If you're going to disrupt this several times at the start, you'll need to be attentive to what's going to keep them reading.

 

[tinkerdan]

First thing to do is figure out what happens in scene--as far as what has to happen.
From there decide the best single POV that could convey that.
Write that out.
If it seems to fall short find a spot where you can have a scene change and change the POV to the character that can best convey what you need.

If you are doing first person or third person close then there might be something that the POV won't see or know that the other character does know and that's the most urgent reason to change POV. If they are both in the same scene I think the best reasons to change POV would be for something that requires that other POV's knowledge, emotions(senses), or internal thoughts. Otherwise, if it can all be conveyed through one character that's there through the whole scene, it is best to stay with one POV.

Now if the POV leaves the scene but something happens after they leave that the reader needs to see then it needs to change to a POV in the room. Or if the POV watches a character leave the scene and what happens next happens to the departed character, then a handoff to that scenes POV would make sense.

 

[Wayne Mack]

Given that the following chapters alternate POVs, is there any reason to write from both in the first chapter? Consider letting the reader get to deeply know one character in the first chapter and then get to know the second character in chapter two after they are separated. If the flow is really helped by switching POVs in the first chapter, then it is pretty standard to use section breaks between differing POVs. Most readers accept this as long as the new POV is quickly established in the opening of the section.

 

[ckatt]

Post your head hopping and see if you can get help making it work.

Currently, the draft is not head-hopping. It's more like a larger scene divided into parts. But it's also too long for the critiques forum I think.

 

[ckatt]

As far as the purpose of the scene goes it's all quite clear to me and should be to the reader as well. The story opens with a high-stakes high-tension scenario where both characters have much to win and much to lose and no one can have it all. I hope this will be enough to keep readers engaged when the POV shifts.

there might be something that the POV won't see or know that the other character does know and that's the most urgent reason to change POV.

This is pretty close to what is going on.
The two characters fight with each other at the start of the book and if seen from only one side then I think the reader would quickly grow to dislike the other character. But when the reader understands the other character's point of view, I think it deepens the dilemma. They are both right and both wrong and it looks like there's no way to resolve it.

 

[Steve Harrison]

I mostly write using POVs, so I often have this overlap issue. I just pick (hopefully) the best character POV for a particular chapter and, if I think the reader needs another character's POV of that section, I have that character refer back to it in a subsequent chapter.

It's often quite useful to leave the reader with a one-sided impression for a while, then later showing them that someone else has a very different interpretation of the same events.

 

[msstice]

I've experimented with a few things but what I'm trying now is to have the POV in the first chapter switch between the two characters while subsequent chapters will be one or the other.

Is the goal to show the same scene from contrasting viewpoints? Is it to heighten tension? Such things can be done by reporting the outward reactions (and the interpretations of those reactions) from one POV. Multiple POVs might not be worth the downsides.

 

[ckatt]

Looks like most of you seem against the idea. I'm aware of the pitfalls but am not easily discouraged.
Anyone have any thoughts on how to make it work? (maybe it's working already. I haven't shown it to any beta radars yet) I think that as long as the shift is clear and the reader is engaged enough to keep going it can be pulled off.

 

[OuttaInc]

Anyone have any thoughts on how to make it work?

HareBrain already told you...

Shifting within a scene can work if you have an omniscient narrator (who can provide direction), but if you're sticking with close third it can be jarring, and then it's probably best to have scene breaks and be very clear whose POV we're in when.

Basically, the more intimate the POV is, the more jarring it is when you head-hop. For instance:

Intimate POV:
Alex raised the pistol and aimed the red dot at the woman's forehead, his hand shaking. He couldn't believe he was about to shoot her, actually kill this woman, but she left him no choice. Couldn't she see how she was forcing his hand?

Barbara screamed. "Shoot me, dammit!!" How sentimental was this idiot? If he didn't fire right now, they would both die when her doppelgänger from the parallel universe arrived in ten seconds.


Distant POV
Alex raised the pistol and aimed the red dot at the woman's forehead, his hand shaking. He couldn't believe he was about to kill this woman, but he saw no other choice. He felt like she was forcing his hand.

She was, of course. Only Barbara knew that her doppelgänger would arrive momentarily and kill them both in ten seconds.
"Shoot me, dammit!!" she screamed.


OK, setting aside just how awful this writing is, do you see the difference? The first one is a bit harder to follow. You have to think for a moment who "How sentimental was this idiot?" refers to. The second version is more distant, narratively, but it's easier to follow.

 

[ckatt]

@OuttaInc I get what you are saying. Maybe it's my expectations that are the problem.
I'm not exactly interested in head-hopping; what I'm attempting is more like micro-scene fragments that add together to form the whole picture. The POV stays consistent for maybe 300-600 words before switching to the other character. Head-hoppong, as I understand, generally dips into one head and then another while pulling back to a more omniscient view in-between, often exploring the thoughts of all the characters present.

PS I do appreciate everyone's feedback. I'm here for the discussion not necessarily for solutions.

 

[Wayne Mack]

I say go for it. The worst that could happen is the you don't like the result and decide to rewrite the chapter.

I looked at some of my writing and 300-600 words corresponds to 1-2 double spaced pages, which doesn't seem too short for individual sections in a chapter. At that length, the transitions will not feel like head hopping. The problem with reviewing something in the abstract is that it is only possible to give very general responses or responses geared to specific individual preferences. And what may be right for me may not be what is right for you.

It sounds like you know what you want to do, so get it down on paper. I'm sure it will turn out okay. And if it doesn't work out, there is no shame in going back and rewriting the chapter; I know I've done it on occasion. Let's just see how it turns out and then there is somethign concrete to discuss.

 

[ckatt]

@Wayne Mack thanks for the support
Actually, that section is finished already. I'm about a quarter through the first draft of the book but went back to the start while I let something else sit for a while.

 

[Swank]

Looks like most of you seem against the idea. I'm aware of the pitfalls but am not easily discouraged.
Anyone have any thoughts on how to make it work? (maybe it's working already. I haven't shown it to any beta radars yet) I think that as long as the shift is clear and the reader is engaged enough to keep going it can be pulled off.

Head hopping is hard, but doable. Anything else is just a formatting issue with breaks between POV changes.

 

[ckatt]

@Swank Maybe we should start a new thread about head hopping. I have nothing against it but it seems mentioning it really gets folks excited. I guess there's a lot to say.

 

[Swank]

@Swank Maybe we should start a new thread about head hopping. I have nothing against it but it seems mentioning it really gets folks excited. I guess there's a lot to say.

I don't know if discussing these things in the abstract is nearly as useful as critiquing them.