How would you describe this?

cren_ew

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Sep 16, 2022
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Indiana
I am currently working on a fantasy fiction and I am having a hard time with describing certain scenarios. I would love to hear the different perspectives each of you have and how YOU would describe something.
A little prompt:
The scenario is action based in first person. Think experiencing yourself. How would you describe these things if you were explaining it yourself.
How would you describe a loud BANG, as if someone was breaking in.
How would you describe the emotions you would feel while hiding from these home invaders.
Witnessing your parents death while you hide.
What about a fire that's devouring your home.
Thank you again if you participate.
 

therapist

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Jan 2, 2021
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299
I'm not used to writing 1st person but I'll give this a go. To do this properly i'ld need to write out the whole scene, but i'll try instead to summarize and mix in some first person to get into the boys head. I'm imagining a little kid playing games on his ipad late at night. And thought it would be interesting to have the kid then watch the action unfold from a home security app.

—A loud bang from downstairs pulled me from the game. I heard the clatter and tinkle of a broken window followed by the grinding crunch of boots on glass. My parents must've heard it too, dad's heavy footsteps and mum's urgent whispers came from their bedroom next to mine.

*The boy will be a bit panicked but quickly reassured when his mum comes in and tells him everythings okay and to hide in the crawl space. He takes his ipad and watches everything unfold from the home security app. Watches his dad load his gun and head downstairs while mum makes a call from her room.

—I had seen my dad's gun before, it was hidden on the top shelf of their closet, under a pile of mum's dresses. But I had never seen Dad use it. He didn't talk about his job, but I knew he was strong and brave. I knew he could take care of the bad guys. I knew it. Gettem dad!

*dad goes downstairs and confronts the invaders. theres a gunshot but it appears his dad is the one shot.

—Get up dad! I stared at the living room image, with dad lying still on the ground. Why isn't he moving? I quickly swiped at the screen trying to get it to refresh, again and again and again and again, but dad still wouldn't move. The image must be frozen. I went to reload the application, but after closing it, I couldn't bring myself to turn it back on. Instead I found myself opening Reddit and scrolling through posts without reading them. I couldn't take anything in, nothing made sense, my fingers were shaking and tears were dripping onto the screen.
There was another gunshot and my mum screamed, and then another gunshot and she stopped screaming.
 

THX1138

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Mar 11, 2022
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Land Locked Ocean Dream
I would recommend getting a copy of The Emotion Thesaurus if you don't already have one. I recently got mine on Amazon, and it has helped me quite a bit. The one I have is by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi.
 
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K.S. Crooks

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Joined
Oct 26, 2014
Messages
126
If the person is young a possible response is:
Surprise at the noise form the break-in, the person tries to figure out what happened
Fear when they know it's a break-in, concern for family
When parents are being killed it's not uncommon for the child to go numb as they mentally shield themselves from the trauma
They may stay numb and not move while the fire starts, they might try to wake their parents even though they no there's no chance, before they finally leave the home.
 

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