Does this sound a little far-fetched?

Timben

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The jagged face of a huge ice wall sits gloomily in the dim twilight of a Russian day. Colonel Gorky noticed an ice cave that held ice stalactite and stalagmite. Perfect spot to break. As night began to grow upon them, Colonel Gorky and the Cossacks marched the prisoners into the ice cave. The frigid temperatures in this cave are close to zero. Perfect for the prisoners. Who cares if they die. The Cossacks pushed and shoved the prisoners into a part of the cave that held icicles that had a length of about 5700 meters. Perfect for holding them. Sam Cassidy and Chen Tao step to the edge of their holding pen for a better look at their surroundings. The Cossacks and Colonel Gorky walk along the pen ignoring the convicts’ cries. A slight smile drifts along Colonel Gorky’s face.
 

Christine Wheelwright

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There is still some mixing up of past and present tense:
Sentence 1: Present tense
Sentence 2: Past tense
Sentence 3: Present tense
Sentence 4: Past tense
Sentence 5: Present tense
Sentence 6: Present tense
Sentence 7: Past tense
etc

I think if you worked on this aspect of the piece it would make everything a lot clearer and easier to take in. Also, did you mean 5700 meters or 57 meters?
 

Timben

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There is still some mixing up of past and present tense:
Sentence 1: Present tense
Sentence 2: Past tense
Sentence 3: Present tense
Sentence 4: Past tense
Sentence 5: Present tense
Sentence 6: Present tense
Sentence 7: Past tense
etc

I think if you worked on this aspect of the piece it would make everything a lot clearer and easier to take in. Also, did you mean 5700 meters or 57 meters?
I have trouble with past and present tense, in case you haven't noticed. I was a terrible English student. It was supposed to be inches. Not meters.
 

Wayne Mack

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I question whether the dimensions are correct; 5700 meters is an extremely large size for an icicle. I had trouble envisioning what sort of natural formation would form an enclosure. Simply having the Cossacks camp at the front of the cave might be sufficient to prevent the prisoners from escaping.
 

tinkerdan

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x² + y² = r²:when x~∞
Ah yes inches would make more sense.
That large an icicle would require a quite magnificent cave.
In fact if it were an iceberg at 5700 meters it would almost fit into the deepest part of the ocean twice.
While in the arctic ocean it would just about fit into it's deepest part.

5700 inches would be 144.78 meters.
475 feet
158.333 yards
~0.09 miles

not quite as tall as the Washington Monument
still quite impressive though not as tall as
This:
 

sknox

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What about the passage strikes you, Timben, as far-fetched? I presume something does or you wouldn't be asking.
 

Brian G Turner

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I have trouble with past and present tense, in case you haven't noticed. I was a terrible English student.

If you want people to read your work then you have to make some effort to write in a reasonably correct way. This sort of issue has been mentioned to you before and really needs addressing as it makes your work really difficult to read. Try reading Wonderbook by Jeff Vandermeer if you want to understand more about the technicalities of writing.
 

AllanR

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It was supposed to be inches.
even the 5700 is far too specific for an at a glance encounter. I think a comparative description would be better. Funny thing, my gut reaction was that cossaks wouldn't use inches, then I looked it up. Peter the Great adopted British measurements and that lasted till the Soviet revolt.
 

Timben

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I question whether the dimensions are correct; 5700 meters is an extremely large size for an icicle. I had trouble envisioning what sort of natural formation would form an enclosure. Simply having the Cossacks camp at the front of the cave might be sufficient to prevent the prisoners from escaping.
I guess that would make better sense than what I had written. Thank you.
I question whether the dimensions are correct; 5700 meters is an extremely large size for an icicle. I had trouble envisioning what sort of natural formation would form an enclosure. Simply having the Cossacks camp at the front of the cave might be sufficient to prevent the prisoners from escaping.
Ah yes inches would make more sense.
That large an icicle would require a quite magnificent cave.
In fact if it were an iceberg at 5700 meters it would almost fit into the deepest part of the ocean twice.
While in the arctic ocean it would just about fit into it's deepest part.

5700 inches would be 144.78 meters.
475 feet
158.333 yards
~0.09 miles

not quite as tall as the Washington Monument
still quite impressive though not as tall as
This:
https://www.travelandleisure.com/tr...thing does or you wouldn't be askin [/QUOTE]
 

Timben

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I appreciate each and every one of you for pointing out the mistakes that I have made. Thank you. As for what makes this far-fetched. I was trying to envision icicles as iron bars so that the prisoners (side characters) couldn't escape.
 

sknox

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>I was trying to envision icicles as iron bars so that the prisoners (side characters) couldn't escape.
That part works for me. I don't need to know how long or how thick they are. Just have a wall of ice with openings. Let the characters peer through them, shivering, and I'm sold.
 

KiraAnn

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I appreciate each and every one of you for pointing out the mistakes that I have made. Thank you. As for what makes this far-fetched. I was trying to envision icicles as iron bars so that the prisoners (side characters) couldn't escape.

It is far-fetched, I'm afraid. For icicles to get hard enough to serve as imprisoning bars, it would be cold enough to kill the prisoners and Col Gorky and his cossacks within an hour or less. We're talking down around -240 or so. And the tensile strength of icicles is a tenth of steel's.
 

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