Opinion

[Timben]

Timben, when you describe events you talk about them in the present tense. But when you describe dialogue you swap to the past tense. Example:

Sam, Chen, and Daina are pinned down by rifle fire from oncoming Cossacks riding horses closing in.

"Cover me!" said Sam.

The above doesn't work well for the reader. I would try sticking to the past tense for everything [Sam, Chen and Daina were pinned down......"Cover me!" said Sam.]

Regarding the POV (or 'point of view'). In a book written in the first person (I/me) the POV is quite clearly the narrator/writer. The story is told from that individual's experience. Third person (he/she) might give you some extra freedom because you can describe events that happen to more than one person. However, it still pays to have some focused points of view to tell the story...and not too many of them. If you look at Jo Zebedee's piece (An Old World Revisited) you will see that there are two characters present and the story is told in the third person. But one character (Lichio) has the POV. We learn directly what he thinks and feels. We also discover something of what Kare is thinking and feeling, but we get this through Lichio's observations of him (expressions, gestures).

I hope this helps.

I think I understand. Thank you.

 

[Timben]

It's a learning experience. What do you think went wrong, and what can you try to make it better? In my own story, I asked questions about relevant elements because I get carried away with sub-plots and side-characters. In this story, it sounds like you need to work out the villain's motivation before going in again.

Could you explain a little more about what you mean about the villain's motivation?

 

[Bramandin]

Could you explain a little more about what you mean about the villain's motivation?

I can't seem to figure out why the Russians want it.

You said it yourself. Why do the Russians want it? The answer to that question is their motivation.

For your point of view problems, when you're writing in third-person, you don't have any information that one character doesn't know. As an example, Harry Potter could just about be the same story if written in first person.

 

[Timben]

But I don't like it. Difficulty with what the cross does. Aging sounds too much like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

This is what I have written so far:

"The Cross of the Seven Jewels? That's only a myth," said Sam.

Both Chen and Daina had no idea what he was speaking of.

"Is he for real? What cross? What's he speaking of?" asked Daina.

"It dates from the Bible about a mystical thirteenth Apostle — Ivan the Terrible's ancestor in a line hidden by the Russian Orthodox Patriarchate. It supposedly has magical powers. It was written, he learns, over three hundred twenty years ago by a man believed by a select few to have been a mystic thirteenth apostle of Christ. Bejeweled cross necklace controls whoever wears the entire thing against his skin doesn't age, ever...So long as he wears the cross," declared Sam.

"You are correct, and with that cross, I would be invincible. Just who in hell are you?" asked Colonel Gorky.

"Sam Cassidy," said Sam.