Far Horizons, Volume 2 - Synopsis (270 words)

[Flaviosky]

Dear Community,

I wanted to share with you the synopsis of the second part of my WIP, after trying to incorporate the feedback recieved from part one, including reading material provided in the comments. I hope this is written better and represents a logical continuation from part 1.

Again, thanks a lot for your opinions.

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Diane and her friends travel through Weignard, a hostile land to foreigners and racist towards miasmon people. After the brutal battles with Arck and the frustrating detour, Diane, Natalie, Raffale and Valerie show signs of post traumatic stress. Diane meets Hugh, a former Weignardian cadet, and Josephind, a Weignardian high priestess, who clarifies that Raffale’s sword is Luomn’yren, a legendary magical weapon, that rejects the princess and even Gareth not finding them worthy, to their surprise.

Diane turns bitter, cruel and hysterical towards her friends due to the harsh journey and Arck’s constant attempts to kill her and recover Raffale’s weapon, but Isalvine’s sweet and caring nature, Raffale’s commitment and Valerie’s forgiveness makes Diane recover her hope and spark, so she joins in a weird relationship with Isalvine, Raffale and Valerie.

Once in Kreggor, the capital city of Weignard, Diane and her friends fall into a trap laid out by Weignardian military officers, using Hugh’s enthusiasm to help his former instructors, ending inside an arcane wizard’s lair, who was kidnapping people of miasmon race and using them as sacrifice to craft a replica of Luomn’yren using forbidden arcane magic with the approval of Thereon Dessloch, the Duke of Weignard himself. They barely kill the wizard and his henchmen, deciding to take the unfinished weapon with them so it doesn’t fall in the Duke’s hands.

Bewildered by this ongoing genocide, Diane decides to take the remaining people with her and make sure they reach Clyssian land, so with the dark sword and Josephind, they finally reach the eastern coast of Weignard and board the ship, in Diane’s final return to Clysse.

 

[AllanR]

Your not getting a wall of red from me this time, because it not needed. It was clear and I could read through without stumbling.

My only suggestion is to break up some of the long sentences.

 

[tinkerdan]

This sounds more like a summary I would write for myself; however, it lacks enough substance to even be that.

Diane and her friends travel through Weignard, a hostile land to foreigners and racist towards miasmon people.

Even though you call this volume 2 you need some context.
Such as are Diane and friends foreigners and miasmon people? One could almost assume that, however if not previously defined then the sentence loses its impact.

After the brutal battles with Arck and the frustrating detour, Diane, Natalie, Raffale and Valerie show signs of post traumatic stress.

What or who is Arck and what fustrating detour .
Something like::
After brutal defeat in the hands of their sworn enemy, Arck. and a frustrating detour; Diane, Natalie, Raffale and Valerie suffer signs of PTS.

Diane meets Hugh, a former Weignardian cadet, and Josephind, a Weignardian high priestess, who clarifies that Raffale’s sword is Luomn’yren, a legendary magical weapon, that rejects the princess and even Gareth not finding them worthy, to their surprise.

Why Introduce Hugh when the importance lies in Josephind? Why is it only Diane if they are traveling together. Who is the princess and who is Gareth and why should we care about them?

What is more important here is I don't see a proper structure for a story synopsis that should be meant to tell the whole story in the fewest words and in a fashion that will inspire the Agent or Publisher to ask for some pages to read.

There are a lot of characters introduced here and not much plot explanation. A synopsis needs to tell the story as full as possible from start to finish. It might help to focus on a main character and give the inciting incident, plot point one, midpoint action, plot point two, climax and Finale.
What starts the character on the story? how do they deal with that incident and do they go forward or back or are stymied? What action do they take to get to the midpoint(crisis)? What happens that might set them back again? What do they do to build to the climax? How does it work out in the end?

Allow yourself 500 min to 1000 max words.

Use your best writing skills so that when I get done reading this I say, 'Wow, I want to read more of the details to this story."

 

[msstice]

I will preface this by saying that I'm an inexperienced writer, especially when it comes to novel length material.

I did start out with an outline and I guess something like a synopsis. However, I didn't take it very seriously. It was kind of a fallback to say - well at the very least here is the story. This has been a very helpful mindset because my story got better and better as I actually wrote it. My current story is quite different from my original synopsis and my outline has changed. I think my current story is better and more vibrant because I discovered things about the characters and the plot as I went along.

I put this to you because I would rather advise that you write a chapter of your story and post a 1500 word excerpt for critique here. Getting feedback on a synopsis might not be that impactful.

I say this coming from the angle that the story actually does not matter, it's how you tell the story. This is an extreme viewpoint, but my personal experience is that I might grumble at weak plot points but I will keep reading if the story telling is good. Also, sadly, as I get older and have less time to read, I am much much less accepting of a good plot with bad writing.

 

[Flaviosky]

Getting feedback on a synopsis might not be that impactful

You may be right. I wanted to see if there were any plot holes to tackle, but maybe a Synopsis is not the place for that.

I would rather advise that you write a chapter of your story and post a 1500 word excerpt for critique here.

I'm working on that, as the first text recieved a good amount of feedback and things to improve, but I rather leave the Critiques forum alone for a while. I don't want to turn it into a back-and-forth and exhaust the people who is actually doing me favor with their comments.