Third Person Changes To Omniscient

[The Bloated One]

Hi Everyone,

Sorry if this sounds confusing. I am writing in the third person, but for one sentence I add a narrator's omniscient comment. Is this grammatically correct? The sentence is in italics. See below;

Background - It's about time travel, one of the ships is a camper van the other a Peterbilt lorry. They're landing by a lake


Kent settled the camper van next to Georgia’s Peterbilt rig by the lake, hidden within her ship’s cloaking shield.

“Georgia Blade!” Enthused Tratchett, “I really should interview her. Remember the last time we met her!”

Kent certainly did.

Opening the camper-van door, Tratchett was met by a wart encrusted face, a trilby hat and the barrel of a Higgs Bosun pointing at him.

TBO

 

[Biskit]

I read it all as third person.

That said, the "Kent certainly did." felt wrong in the sense of suggesting the reader ought to expect some snappy follow-up which I didn't get from the next sentence, although it does imply that whatever Kent remembers, it was not a happy memory. Overall, it needs something there to make it clearer how Kent felt about the last meeting.

 

[paranoid marvin]

My opinion (although I'm not an expert) is that the text suggests the narrator knows what Kent is thinking. Does Kent remember? Only Kent knows.

Perhaps to avoid the suggestion of omniscience, you could describe or suggest what he is feeling. "Kent remained tight lipped" or "Kent nodded his head and grimaced".

 

[The Bloated One]

Thanks Biskit. Paranoid Marvin,

I do go on to explain what happened a little later on, about a page later. Does that help or should I explain a little more now? (Paranoid Marvin's suggestion) I like the idea of something that the reader will have to wait to be revealed later.

“Well, well, Tinkerbell," said Georgia, with a grin and a shake of her pony tail, "I never thought our paths would cross again!”

“If I may,” interjected Tratchett, putting down his drink and sitting forward on the sofa, before massaging his hands. “Kent paid the fine, and did the community service. The Arcadians were more than happy with the outcome.”

“But, you didn’t get your space ship back, did you Tinkerbell?”

“Semantics,” laughed Kent, raising his hands, “we just need to sort out the insurance and we are good to go.”

TBO

 

[paranoid marvin]

Thanks Biskit. Paranoid Marvin,

I do go on to explain what happened a little later on, about a page later. Does that help or should I explain a little more now? (Paranoid Marvin's suggestion) I like the idea of something that the reader will have to wait to be revealed later.

“Well, well, Tinkerbell," said Georgia, with a grin and a shake of her pony tail, "I never thought our paths would cross again!”

“If I may,” interjected Tratchett, putting down his drink and sitting forward on the sofa, before massaging his hands. “Kent paid the fine, and did the community service. The Arcadians were more than happy with the outcome.”

“But, you didn’t get your space ship back, did you Tinkerbell?”

“Semantics,” laughed Kent, raising his hands, “we just need to sort out the insurance and we are good to go.”

TBO

Yes, there's nothing wrong with suggesting some issue between them and revealing it later; it's better to show it in a conversation rather than to explain it to the reader.

 

[paranoid marvin]

You could replace Kent certainly did with Kent just nodded or Kent said nothing or Kent just smiled or even the look on Kent's face showed that he certainly did. All alternatives to suggesting the narrator knows what Kent remembers or is feeling.

 

[tinkerdan]

I'm assuming that the line after Kent certainly did is a memory of that.

However that is probably less important to the question.

The answer is that it's not really strictly Omniscient.
I say that because I do this in one place in my first novel. Only I go from first person to third person through out the novel and in one point I start a chapter in what sounds like Omniscient where the POV is watching two of the characters as they discuss another character. The scene is actually the first person character observing the other two so near the end of the chapter it zooms back into the character to reveal what is really happening.

Basically it is as though the POV character has disassociated their self from the scene and are describing what they see in an omniscient manner.

 

[The Bloated One]

Thanks to everyone who gave me suggestions.

I'll go with something like;

Kent looked at the hologram and his face collapsed like a chimney in a storm.

TBO

 

[JS Wiig]

His face fell apart into several pieces?

 

[Phyrebrat]

just want to add my (belated comment). I read this kind of thing all the time in the fiction (I read a lot of 70s and 80s horror).

Also, I use it. I consider myself a 3PP POV writer mostly (but really wanting to get into omni), and the only tweak I would have made was to perhaps change Kent to 'He'.

ETA: 3pp = 3rd person past, not present <shudder>