Character Thoughts: First Person Present vs. Third Person Past

[Wayne Mack]

With a story that is in Third Person, Past Tense; what is the best way to present a character's internal thoughts? Should they also be in third person, past tense? Is it okay to switch to first person, present tense? Is it okay mix the two throughout the story?

For example:

She opened the door. She needed to escape [, she thought].​

versus

She opened the door. I need to escape [, she thought].​

​

I am doing an editing pass on a story in progress and I find that I am inconsistent in presenting thought sequences. I am trying to make an objective evaluation, but I sort of feel that the choice is sort of dependent on the immediacy of the situation. I may also just be overthinking the entire thing.

How do you handle character thoughts?

 

[tinkerdan]

If you want it to read as a thought it would have to be...
I need to escape.
Unless she really thinks in third person--then it would be the other stranger way.

Or you could go with...
Need to escape, she thought.

Past tense would only work if it were an after thought; perhaps to the realization that they were going to kill her.
Oh, I needed to escape.
The sort of hindsight is 20/20 thing.

I suppose it might fly as...
Need to escape, she'd thought. (As in she had)
However if you ask me, that's just muddying up the English language too much.

Oh and now we are overthinking things, he thought.

 

[JS Wiig]

In third close the narrative should be occurring in the POV characters head. In that case:

She opened the door. She needed to escape.

should work as being the characters perspective on the matter.

If you want to use first person for the thought, I would say set it apart like dialog using quotes, or my preference would be italics. Either:

She opened the door. “I need to escape,” she thought.

or:

She opened the door. I need to escape.

 

[luriantimetraveler]

What I've seen in the past is a switch to italics + first person present tense for short sections of thought, with longer sections of thought in third person present tense, set off by a tag ...., he thought.

 

[HareBrain]

For example:

She opened the door. She needed to escape.
versus

She opened the door. I need to escape.

Either of the above are fine. The italics in the second (direct thought) are optional but make things clearer. You almost never need to say "she thought".

I am doing an editing pass on a story in progress and I find that I am inconsistent in presenting thought sequences

Don't worry too much about consistency. A mix of direct thought and reported thought is fine. Where you should probably be consistent is whether or not you use italics for direct thought.

 

[DLCroix]

How do you handle character thoughts?

1. She looked at him suspiciously.
2. She looked at him suspiciously. Yes, sure. The guy thought she was stupid.
3. She looked at him suspiciously. Does he really think I'm going to believe that?, she thought. This guy thinks I'm stupid.
4. She looked at him suspiciously. Yes, sure. I mean, what can I tell you, dear? That guy thought she was stupid, so clearly he wasn't understanding anything.
And so on.

Should they also be in third person, past tense?
In this case the narrator acts through the telling, therefore it is not necessary to use italics because he is the one who is saying what the character thought at the time. It is similar to example 2 and 4, although the latter is an invasive narrator and also occupies more pages, a girl in a bar who talks up to her elbows telling the story to a friend. What she tells is in the past but the analysis, her comments, are obviously in the present tense.

BTW, what kind of story are you working on, @Wayne Mack? Because if it is a mystery it is more atmospheric and perceptive, therefore one focuses on the environment, which is sinister even if it seems like a day at the beach, and on the reaction of the characters. Primary, in most cases because if something scares me I'm going to jump even with the crack of a branch. I am not gonna to think much; the "a lot" is what is happening around or what I know is a lot but I can't know what it is. Ay, mom, get me out of here!
It is different, for example, if you are writing a historical novel, something Napoleon type, in which the thoughts of the types are adapted to the ideas they had about those historical events and even later reflections. Danger of accusations for info-dumping: 50%. Bah.
On the other hand, in another Kafka-type novel, the entire novel is a succession of thoughts, it is a psychological novel. DAID: 100%.
A variant of that is Michel Houellebecq, where it is possible to find some dialogue and eventually something happens. DAID: 75%.

 

[Saiyali]

She glared hectically around, desperately searching for a way out; nothing presented itself and she gave a yelp of frustration.