Hi Everyone!
I thought I'd celebrate the fact that i've just reached 30 posts by posting something here, hope that's ok! With my previous non-fiction writing I've always been quite cagey and anxious with letting people read what i've done until i think it's perfect, which is a very bad habit i'm trying to get out of, so thought I'd try to force myself to put myself out there a bit more
This is the first fiction writing i've done since having my love of writing pretty much destroyed by a very boring English GCSE teacher 20 years ago. I've got some quite rough ideas for a fantasy novel, mostly world-building and vague plot direction, but i've been struggling with coming up with a concrete plot and concrete characters, so I thought that maybe just starting to write something might help with that. Below is a part of what I've come up with so far. It was written with the idea that it would be the very beginning of the story.
Obviously I don't really know if any of this would end up in whatever I end up with, but since it's my first attempt I'd really appreciate any feedback on general style. Do I seem to be approaching it right? Does it read OK? The big challenge that I see so far is dropping world-building into scenes - have I managed that do you think? Basically any comments at all appreciated (I'm fine with criticism, so please don't hold back!)
Thanks a lot!
-------------------------
Saa stood still, leaning against the south trunk of the half-grown hut. Patrols didn’t usually continue this late into the evening; she had been caught off guard. Not that she had anything to hide - she had been keeping her head down for weeks - and there was no rule that forbade her from being out at this time. But neither did she have a good reason to give for being this far from the center, and Twig and Annfore would never forgive her if soldiers started sniffing around the old forest because she was seen wandering nearby.
She leant her head against the young wood and closed her eyes, taking in the fresh, green smell, feeling the life pulsing through the thin, papery bark. She just had to wait. They’d be gone soon enough.
Their voices, low, gravelly and crude, grew louder. They obviously weren’t looking for anyone in particular, or they’d at least be trying to be stealthy - just showing a presence, then; just there to scare people into their homes. Their footsteps stopped at the other side of the hut, the structure creaking as one of the soldiers leaned against it. The harsh, dead smell of tobacco wafted towards her.
Saa waited, cramp working its way up her back from standing so still. Time passed slowly, like thick, viscous sap, Saa some insect trapped as it congealed around her. The puff-puffing of the soldier’s pipe filled her ears, the sound carrying across the space between them in the still, silent evening air. Scuffing as one of them kicked at the dirt and the roots of the hut. The pipe was re-filled; the scuffing continued. Dusk faded completely, the low moon becoming the only source of light. Still she waited.
Eventually, one of the soldiers laughed, the kind of harsh guffaw that can only be at somebody’s expense. He muttered something, and the second soldier chuckled. Then a gruff yawn, another creak in the structure of the young hut, and footsteps, heading away to the west, away from the forest edge and back towards the center of town.
Saa waited until she was sure the soldiers were well out of sight before emerging into the moonlight and dashing across the path into the forest. It welcomed her like a daughter. The enormous trees surrounding her--decades dead, still bearing the scars of sickness--were abuzz with life, decay feeding into youth, rot sustaining abundance. They towered around her, disappearing into the darkness above. Saa breathed it all in, the rich, humid air, the warmth of the mulch beneath her feet, the energy singing around her as nature made new life from the death of the old. She let it wash over her, cleanse her of the grime of the factory and the unlife of the day’s work.
She walked deeper into the forest, lighting her mini lamp only when it was really too dark to see. After a time, she stopped at the foot of a massive, gnarled trunk. On its north side was a long hole in the bark, about half as tall as she was. She knelt and placed her hands on the woody flesh beneath. Slowly, the wood began to separate from the bark, and then continued to shrink until eventually only a short, thin sapling stood in the middle of the giant, hollow carcass of the ancient tree.
Saa ducked through the hole, turned, and squatted over the sapling, hands on its topmost branches. The sapling began to broaden and grow, until it lifted Saa clean off the ground and up, through the skeletal tunnel above.
A few seconds later, Saa emerged into a large, familiar room.
“You’re late, Saa. Been out chasing girls again?” called Twig from his favourite spot, nestled in a wide hammock formed from the interlaced branches of two of the young trees surrounding them.
“Patrols, running even later than yesterday. Had to wait for them to clear off. Any idea what they’re so twitchy about?”
Twig hung his head over the side of his hammock, a smug look on his face. “I might have an inkling”
The room--their hideout, Saa’s home from home--was cluttered, bits of half-finished projects piled on almost every available surface. The walls were formed from six young trees, each growing from a different branch of the skeleton whose trunk she had just ascended. The young trees, clean and bright, untarnished by the sickly spots that covered those below, leaned slightly inwards, so that they almost met in the middle forty feet above. Platforms like the one Twig was lounging in criss-crossed between the trees at different heights, some forming small worktables, some connecting almost all of the six trees to form upper stories, and one right at the top forming a roof. Long, vertical branches descended from the upper platforms to form ladders, short stubby nobbles acting as rungs on either side.
“I take it the troops are out looking for all their dirty dishes and greasy foodsacks, then?” Saa asked, looking around, an exaggerated look of disgust on her face.
“Erm, yeh probably, sorry” muttered Twig, dropping down from his perch and hurriedly grabbing handfuls of rubbish.
“It’s OK, only teasing.” She wasn’t, not really. The hideout had largely been Saa and Annfore’s work, had taken them years to get to this point--planning it, acquiring the seeds, spending every bit of life they could spare on speeding up its growth--, yet Twig’s mess made it feel alien and uncomfortable. Still, she didn’t want to make Twig feel bad about it. Saa and Annfore both had family huts of their own, places to live with families that loved them, however complicated. Twig had nobody but Saa and Annfore, and had been hiding away here for the best part of a year - he deserved somewhere he could make his own, somewhere he could feel comfortable and at home. She just wished he felt at home somewhere clean. “So what’ve you done this time to bring down the wrath of Trounce’s finest?”
“The vines! Saa they worked so well!”
Saa swallowed. Twig was supposed to be keeping a low profile - what had he got himself into now? “I thought we were waiting until we had at least five stable seedlings before we tried it for real?”
Saa and Twig had travelled for several months late last year, hunting for any plants more useful than the weedy grass that grew in the dry, sandy soil around their village, and the vine had been their most promising discovery. They had been trying to establish a stable stock of it before experimenting with it, to avoid having to retread old ground to find more.
“We do! Well, sort of four, but I dug down and a fifth seed looks kind of swollen, like it’s about to sprout, so I thought it was safe enough to-”
“And your controlled, inconspicuous tests with our new, top secret find ended with soldiers harassing the entire town how, exactly?” Saa didn’t want to get angry. Twig was impulsive, even rash, at the best of times, and he’d been stuck here by himself for so long. It was no wonder he was getting bored. She had been so distracted recently she’d hardly had time to visit, and Annfore had been away for weeks. But couldn’t he have just caused mischief with some old sample, something that they had plenty of reserves of and which he knew he could control?
“They didn’t, I played with it for a week before I tried anything! Saa it’s so good! It’s strong, really strong - I picked up that old chair with it, easy as you like - but it’s sort of supple and flexible, it goes right where you want it.”
Saa looked at the chair. Even from where she was, she could see several thin lines of small, light brown root fibres crossing it from top to bottom. “Twig! Look at that chair, it’s covered in roots! Tell me you didn’t try to steal something with this? You might as well leave an autograph!”
Twig looked down, hand rubbing the back of his head. “Well, I didn’t think it would matter. Nobody’s ever seen this before, so it’s not like they can trace it to us.”
Who else are they going to trace it to!? Saa took a breath, tried to relax. It’s not like she was the model of perfect precautionary measures herself. “Well, we’d better be careful with using it again for a while. Anyway, what did you take?”
I thought I'd celebrate the fact that i've just reached 30 posts by posting something here, hope that's ok! With my previous non-fiction writing I've always been quite cagey and anxious with letting people read what i've done until i think it's perfect, which is a very bad habit i'm trying to get out of, so thought I'd try to force myself to put myself out there a bit more
This is the first fiction writing i've done since having my love of writing pretty much destroyed by a very boring English GCSE teacher 20 years ago. I've got some quite rough ideas for a fantasy novel, mostly world-building and vague plot direction, but i've been struggling with coming up with a concrete plot and concrete characters, so I thought that maybe just starting to write something might help with that. Below is a part of what I've come up with so far. It was written with the idea that it would be the very beginning of the story.
Obviously I don't really know if any of this would end up in whatever I end up with, but since it's my first attempt I'd really appreciate any feedback on general style. Do I seem to be approaching it right? Does it read OK? The big challenge that I see so far is dropping world-building into scenes - have I managed that do you think? Basically any comments at all appreciated (I'm fine with criticism, so please don't hold back!)
Thanks a lot!
-------------------------
Saa stood still, leaning against the south trunk of the half-grown hut. Patrols didn’t usually continue this late into the evening; she had been caught off guard. Not that she had anything to hide - she had been keeping her head down for weeks - and there was no rule that forbade her from being out at this time. But neither did she have a good reason to give for being this far from the center, and Twig and Annfore would never forgive her if soldiers started sniffing around the old forest because she was seen wandering nearby.
She leant her head against the young wood and closed her eyes, taking in the fresh, green smell, feeling the life pulsing through the thin, papery bark. She just had to wait. They’d be gone soon enough.
Their voices, low, gravelly and crude, grew louder. They obviously weren’t looking for anyone in particular, or they’d at least be trying to be stealthy - just showing a presence, then; just there to scare people into their homes. Their footsteps stopped at the other side of the hut, the structure creaking as one of the soldiers leaned against it. The harsh, dead smell of tobacco wafted towards her.
Saa waited, cramp working its way up her back from standing so still. Time passed slowly, like thick, viscous sap, Saa some insect trapped as it congealed around her. The puff-puffing of the soldier’s pipe filled her ears, the sound carrying across the space between them in the still, silent evening air. Scuffing as one of them kicked at the dirt and the roots of the hut. The pipe was re-filled; the scuffing continued. Dusk faded completely, the low moon becoming the only source of light. Still she waited.
Eventually, one of the soldiers laughed, the kind of harsh guffaw that can only be at somebody’s expense. He muttered something, and the second soldier chuckled. Then a gruff yawn, another creak in the structure of the young hut, and footsteps, heading away to the west, away from the forest edge and back towards the center of town.
Saa waited until she was sure the soldiers were well out of sight before emerging into the moonlight and dashing across the path into the forest. It welcomed her like a daughter. The enormous trees surrounding her--decades dead, still bearing the scars of sickness--were abuzz with life, decay feeding into youth, rot sustaining abundance. They towered around her, disappearing into the darkness above. Saa breathed it all in, the rich, humid air, the warmth of the mulch beneath her feet, the energy singing around her as nature made new life from the death of the old. She let it wash over her, cleanse her of the grime of the factory and the unlife of the day’s work.
She walked deeper into the forest, lighting her mini lamp only when it was really too dark to see. After a time, she stopped at the foot of a massive, gnarled trunk. On its north side was a long hole in the bark, about half as tall as she was. She knelt and placed her hands on the woody flesh beneath. Slowly, the wood began to separate from the bark, and then continued to shrink until eventually only a short, thin sapling stood in the middle of the giant, hollow carcass of the ancient tree.
Saa ducked through the hole, turned, and squatted over the sapling, hands on its topmost branches. The sapling began to broaden and grow, until it lifted Saa clean off the ground and up, through the skeletal tunnel above.
A few seconds later, Saa emerged into a large, familiar room.
“You’re late, Saa. Been out chasing girls again?” called Twig from his favourite spot, nestled in a wide hammock formed from the interlaced branches of two of the young trees surrounding them.
“Patrols, running even later than yesterday. Had to wait for them to clear off. Any idea what they’re so twitchy about?”
Twig hung his head over the side of his hammock, a smug look on his face. “I might have an inkling”
The room--their hideout, Saa’s home from home--was cluttered, bits of half-finished projects piled on almost every available surface. The walls were formed from six young trees, each growing from a different branch of the skeleton whose trunk she had just ascended. The young trees, clean and bright, untarnished by the sickly spots that covered those below, leaned slightly inwards, so that they almost met in the middle forty feet above. Platforms like the one Twig was lounging in criss-crossed between the trees at different heights, some forming small worktables, some connecting almost all of the six trees to form upper stories, and one right at the top forming a roof. Long, vertical branches descended from the upper platforms to form ladders, short stubby nobbles acting as rungs on either side.
“I take it the troops are out looking for all their dirty dishes and greasy foodsacks, then?” Saa asked, looking around, an exaggerated look of disgust on her face.
“Erm, yeh probably, sorry” muttered Twig, dropping down from his perch and hurriedly grabbing handfuls of rubbish.
“It’s OK, only teasing.” She wasn’t, not really. The hideout had largely been Saa and Annfore’s work, had taken them years to get to this point--planning it, acquiring the seeds, spending every bit of life they could spare on speeding up its growth--, yet Twig’s mess made it feel alien and uncomfortable. Still, she didn’t want to make Twig feel bad about it. Saa and Annfore both had family huts of their own, places to live with families that loved them, however complicated. Twig had nobody but Saa and Annfore, and had been hiding away here for the best part of a year - he deserved somewhere he could make his own, somewhere he could feel comfortable and at home. She just wished he felt at home somewhere clean. “So what’ve you done this time to bring down the wrath of Trounce’s finest?”
“The vines! Saa they worked so well!”
Saa swallowed. Twig was supposed to be keeping a low profile - what had he got himself into now? “I thought we were waiting until we had at least five stable seedlings before we tried it for real?”
Saa and Twig had travelled for several months late last year, hunting for any plants more useful than the weedy grass that grew in the dry, sandy soil around their village, and the vine had been their most promising discovery. They had been trying to establish a stable stock of it before experimenting with it, to avoid having to retread old ground to find more.
“We do! Well, sort of four, but I dug down and a fifth seed looks kind of swollen, like it’s about to sprout, so I thought it was safe enough to-”
“And your controlled, inconspicuous tests with our new, top secret find ended with soldiers harassing the entire town how, exactly?” Saa didn’t want to get angry. Twig was impulsive, even rash, at the best of times, and he’d been stuck here by himself for so long. It was no wonder he was getting bored. She had been so distracted recently she’d hardly had time to visit, and Annfore had been away for weeks. But couldn’t he have just caused mischief with some old sample, something that they had plenty of reserves of and which he knew he could control?
“They didn’t, I played with it for a week before I tried anything! Saa it’s so good! It’s strong, really strong - I picked up that old chair with it, easy as you like - but it’s sort of supple and flexible, it goes right where you want it.”
Saa looked at the chair. Even from where she was, she could see several thin lines of small, light brown root fibres crossing it from top to bottom. “Twig! Look at that chair, it’s covered in roots! Tell me you didn’t try to steal something with this? You might as well leave an autograph!”
Twig looked down, hand rubbing the back of his head. “Well, I didn’t think it would matter. Nobody’s ever seen this before, so it’s not like they can trace it to us.”
Who else are they going to trace it to!? Saa took a breath, tried to relax. It’s not like she was the model of perfect precautionary measures herself. “Well, we’d better be careful with using it again for a while. Anyway, what did you take?”
