Space Opera war

cinefilterman

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Oct 11, 2019
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I would love to post the sinopsis of my first space opera wich I called: The Sky Rider, that belongs to my serie: Cosmos Rampage. Hope you like it and comment it.

The Origin

A cosmonaut named Valnior, trying to escape a meteor storm, took refuge inside the moon of some unknown planet; There he found a large pyramidal structure, so he decided to enter to inspect. In front of him stood the statue of an entity carved in rock.
The storm covered the whole planet in fire and dust, he should have died, but when he woke up, he found himself wearing an iron shinning suit flying through the vastness of cosmos.
And so he traveled through universe for ages and eons, many names were put on him, one of the most known was the Sky Rider.
 
It sounds very cinemagraphic (if there is such a word!). Plenty of visual imagery, which is great, but I feel it’s missing a ‘human’ element: something which makes the reader care about your character. Also a bit disjointed, and be careful of your spelling and grammar as the couple of typos made it slightly more difficult to read.

A synopsis should be a full summary of the entire story (this is more of a blurb, or back cover teaser). It should introduce your main characters, the stakes they’re playing for, and reveal all the main plot points including the ending.
 
It sounds very cinemagraphic (if there is such a word!). Plenty of visual imagery, which is great, but I feel it’s missing a ‘human’ element: something which makes the reader care about your character. Also a bit disjointed, and be careful of your spelling and grammar as the couple of typos made it slightly more difficult to read.

A synopsis should be a full summary of the entire story (this is more of a blurb, or back cover teaser). It should introduce your main characters, the stakes they’re playing for, and reveal all the main plot points including the ending.
Hi thank you for reading it, I would like to know where you found those two or more typos that made the reading, difficult to understand?
I put that synopsis, for a short comic book, no a writing book, I shouldn't have done that, my bad, heheehehe. I will put the prologue and tag you if you like :) :)
 
A cosmonaut named Valnior, trying to escape a meteor storm, took refuge inside the moon of some unknown planet; should either be a full stop or no capital T for there There he found a large pyramidal structure, so he decided to enter to inspect. In front of him stood the statue of an entity carved in rock.
The storm covered the whole planet in fire and dust, Comma splice. Would be better with a new sentence he should have died, but when he woke up, he found himself wearing an iron shinning I assume this should be shining? suit flying through the vastness of the cosmos.
And so he traveled through the universe for ages and eons, comma splice. Either a full stop or semi colon would be better here many names were put on him, one of the most known was the Sky Rider.

I'm not sure what the rules are about posting excerpts for critique for very new members, but as a community we try to encourage participation in the forums so we can get to know new folks, and so they can get to know us, before allowing critique. I'm sure a moderator will leap in and correct me if I'm wrong, but it is useful to get to know the forum a bit better before posting, for your sake and the sake of other members.

I suggest you hava a read of some of the critiques on the forum, and maybe try critiquing a few excerpts yourself so you get a feel for what is out there. I found I learned a huge amount that way when I first joined and it has stood me in good stead ever since.
 

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