SEPTEMBER 2019 75-word Writing Challenge -- VICTORY TO NIXIE!

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Prime Real Estate

‘There it is! I still can’t believe what a bargain it was.’

‘Surely there’s a reason. Oh, Bib, look! It’s infested! Did you even organise a pest inspection?’

‘I … had to act quickly. It was an urgent sale.’

‘No wonder. Ugh, they’re so ... fleshy. I’m not moving in until they’re gone.’

‘I’ve got a coupon for an exterminator.’

‘Are they humane?’

‘It says: Latest In Orbital Bombardment Technology -- Eradication Guaranteed.’

‘Hmm. Well, if they’re cheap…’
NORAD Tracks....

We had no choice. The blip on the radars of all Earth nations was flying faster than anything ever seen. Whoever they were, they'd appeared at the top of the planet and were heading straight down.

We did it. One nuclear bomb from the States, as the UFO passed Greenland.

Investigations revealed original craft to be a boxlike vehicle supported upon two longitudinal runners. Propulsion method: nine harnessed creatures.

We'd just made a terrible mistake.
Reaching Out

You burrow your way into your host’s dead flesh. Rotting synapses fire back to life. Joints crackle as you command them to move. You feel yourself spread out, flowing to fit the unfamiliar shape.
You open their eyes.
Humans, dressed in black, cluster around you. Their eyes widen. Their mouths move without a sound. You twitch dead lips into a smile.
Now, at last, you’ll be able to communicate.
Our systems analysts decided on a plan to travel through Terran systems without notice. Something called SPAM mail or junk mail. They would regret not paying attention to them.

Congratulations! You won a trip to the Bahamas. Click here to input the necessary information to put your name on the list.

I smiled when they stood in the main compartment. “Welcome Earthlings! All of your hopes and dreams will be taken from you.”
Shall have it’s day

Dogs worldwide yelped in exultation, at last, after millennia of servitude, their moment had arrived.

Thousands of simultaneous ship landings and the tall ones from Sirius strode out, Changes happening instantly.....

....Big Sam watched as his ex owner squatted and emptied her bowels, then cavorted mindlessly on the green park lawn.
“Heel”, he snapped, as she tried to chase a squirrel.
Close Encounters of a Predatory Kind

"Doo doo doo doo doooo" blared from the loudspeaker.

"There's no response from the UFO Major" stated Sergeant Blain.

"Try it again Sergeant" ordered Major Benchley.

The tones emitted from the loudspeaker: "Doo doo doo doo doooo".

"Nothing Sir".

"Anyone got any other ideas?" Asked the Major. As he scratched his chin in thought three small red dots in a triangular formation appeared on his chest.

"That's it!" He cried. "They want to play triangles!"
The Problem with Space Travel
“We have to go in blind, sensors have gone”

The ship crash landed into a field. The crew hurried out the emergency exit.

“Weird monuments they have here, oh sh####


Ollie watched as the small craft smashed to the ground. Jumping off the swing, he shouted “mummy look a drone”.

“ Leave it alone it’s not yours. Now what have you stood in ? “ shaking her head at the green slime on his shoes.

Regarding 'Earth', whose dominant species is causing irrevocable damage to, I present the following:

'Humankind' feeds on the finest ingredients, producing meat of a wholly satisfactory nature. If used wisely, one adult could sustain a clutch for a solar cycle. In so doing, we would preserve the precious resource, Earth.

Therefore, I recommend our first contact to be that of eradication.

I am sure you will find much to agree with in this modest proposal.
Thanks for the Fish
The mammoth starship dubbed “The Mothership,” had been spotted 2 months ago. Now in orbit, no communication had yet been detected. A worried world waited.

Without warning, a green beam and then a light brown one was observed piercing the atmosphere targeting Crater Lake. Garbled on site reports indicated the lake had been replaced by stinking brown glop and a stainless-steel bar.


Grumbling ship’s Purser: “We’ve overpaid for consumables and a sanitary dump again.”
Automated Long Distance Independent Analytic SETI Scanner

Aldiass eighteen was old, and under-maintained - the enthusiasm for the discipline had cooled over the centuries without successes. Cosmology having eliminated natural phenomena alerts were mostly student or technician pranks

But this? Off the ecliptic, close - a few light days and, if her telescope wasn't entirely to specifications, she believed she'd observed a flash, possibly the release of a light parachute, as the coherent beam had passed her.

"Well, hello sailor," came her reply.
Hand Puppets

The alien ambassador arrived, bland, humanlike, puppets on his hands.

Twelve Earth representatives bowed.

Righthand puppet, pale, smiling, said, "We're honored."

Lefthand puppet, purple, grimacing, said, "No. We despise you."

"Please, some hospitality."

"Kill them all!"

They gasped.

Lefthand puppet blasted the entire contingent from Earth, leaving only smoke wisps.

"Why did you do that?"

"Didn't like their looks."

"They look like us."


"You'll have to fill out the report."

"Not my job."
This one never got told 'no'

'The Sphere', found on the Moon, glowed with power. Studying – dismantling - it advanced clean energy by a century, saving Earth.

For six months.


The spherical ship landed clumsily on the White House. Amplified words boomed out:

“Where glowy toy?”

When no-one replied after four seconds several buildings were vaporised.


After some panicked thought the Sphere's remains were brought... then...



And today Mummy's ship arrived, blotting out the stars...

Alarms shrieked and warning lights flashed around him as Sumadji fought desperately to control the hurtling descent of his damaged atmosphere craft.

G-forces slammed him against his harness bringing blood from his nose as he wrestled unresponsive controls, using all his immense skill as a pilot, trying to effect a series of tacks down through the dense Terran atmosphere, while the outer shell glowed incandescent and began to break up.

He nearly made it.
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Snake Oil

“And just like that, coal is yesterday’s news!”

“And they just give the new stuff away?” Ambrose stared as the Provider’s ship retreated, puffing dollar-green smoke from the engines.

“Don’t be daft.” Ambrose’s father fizzed with excitement. “The Providers say it’s experimental. So we can make our millions, and pay later? All the energy we could want and clean enough to dunk cookies in, the Provider says crude oil has no downsides.”
From our Science Correspondent

Reports coming in of meteor strikes in remote areas around the world.

New plant species, possibly alien, discovered near these sites. Quarantine zones established.

Research reveals plants ambulatory but not dangerous. Analysis finds they're fleshy, edible and taste like chicken. Potential solution to world hunger.

+Missionary ship Seed to home planet Vega Five.
+Expeditions found dominant species extremely hostile. Incidents of emissaries being harvested and consumed.
+Recommend Earth exclusion zone.
+WARNING! Earthlings eat Vegans.
The Sound of One Flipper Clapping


A blue walrus suddenly appeared floating in our office.


The strange thing was nobody screamed. Not even Sarah. There was just this sense of the benign. We looked at each other smiling, with new eyes.


Then it vanished. We were aware once more of deadlines and Michael’s unusual deodorant. But everything was different.

We “knew”.

Everything made sense for the first time.

Characteristically, the press summarised our experience as: “GOO GOO G’JOOB”.
A Few Thousand Cycles, Give or Take

“It's beautiful, Ixra! Who lives in this paradise?”

“Dinosaurs, mostly - an intriguing species. Papa thinks they're probably a few thousand cycles from first contact.”

“I still can't believe you stole his craft!”

“Borrowed., not a gravity storm!”


“Must have been too close. We're getting pulled forward.”

“Warp us away!”

“Nothing's responding…” Ixra's shoulders slumped. “I'm sorry, Laxon, but I think the dinosaurs are about to experience first contact much sooner than expected.”
Protocols of Preparation
“It’s a great honour to be chosen to meet these aliens. You must be prepared.”
“I know, but is all this really necessary?”
“Well, they have very strict protocols and to change it in any way could set us down the path towards a war that could lead to our extinction. You don’t want that do you?”
“Well, no.”
“Good. Now just be sure to get the butter and salt under your arms.”
The Importance of Comic Timing

“The aliens’ three messages use different cyphers, Mr President. We’ve only decoded the second we received. It says, ‘our little joke: we are vegans…’”
“Is that all? What does it even mean?”
“We’ve got our best people working on it, sir.”


“Sir, the first message says, ‘what do you call humans in a space capsule? canned meat.’”


“The last message, sir. It says, ‘…by which we mean, we’re from the vega system.’”

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The Muting of Dan McGrew

A bunch of the boys
Were making a noise
In the Middle-of-Nowhere Saloon.
When into the bar –
From a faraway star –
Floats a three-legged hairy balloon.

“Please, nobody sing!”
Squawked the tripodal thing.
"Your din is disabling my crew.
“In peace do we blow.”
“In pieces you’ll go!”
Swore Dangerous Daniel McGrew.

Dan lunged… missed… collapsed.

Chaos elapsed,
Of the circussy-kind of Fred Karno.
The alien left,
Leaving Daniel bereft,
Now only singing soprano.
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