If anyone finds an an answer to the OP please let me know.
I've tried critiquing others but I'm really bad. The end results are too wishy washy to be any use except for upping a thread's post count. I just don't want to offend anyone and/or give bad advice due to own inadequate techniques.
I'm ending up writing stuff that'll never be read.
But you feel it's bad, so you know it's not right. Identify why YOU feel it's not right. It's your story, work out what you're trying to make it do.
Read, write. Read, re-write, grow with every edit.