Alternative to excitedly

[Artoriarius]

I've got a line in the prologue of my book that doesn't quite sit right with me:

“But how did you kill him?” Harun asked excitedly.

"Asked excitedly" doesn't quite sound right, but I can't quite think of an alternative to replace it with. Is there one, or am I just being unnecessarily fussy about the adverb?

 

[The Judge]

Do you want a synonym for "excitedly" or are you looking for a verb to replace both words?

If the former something like "breathlessly" or "eagerly" would work. If the latter, I can't think of anything off-hand which carries a hint of eagerness, but it might be worth just looking at some synonyms for "ask" and see if any of them do the job eg "pleaded" might just work if he's hopping from one foot to another in his excitement.

Alternatively you could remove both words and show what he's doing, as per the end of that last paragraph of mine.

 

[Artoriarius]

It's the latter, unfortunately. I think having a description rather than the adverb might work, though: how does

“But how did you kill him?” Harun asked, his voice loud with excitement.

sound to you?

 

[Danny McG]

I suppose it boils down to how Harun feels about the deceased.
If it pleases him that the dudes been wasted then put that into it.

"But how did you kill him?" chortled Harun in delight.

 

[The Judge]

how does

“But how did you kill him?” Harun asked, his voice loud with excitement.

sound to you?

Sounds fine to me, and the kind of thing I use a lot. Giving him physical movement as well or instead of, though, adds to the whole scene, so it's always worthwhile considering how he is moving and whether showing it might be better than telling us he's excited. Depends on what you want the scene to convey, how quickly you want to get the information out there, and what else is happening or about to happen.

Anyway, hope that helps!

 

[HareBrain]

The one that sprang to my mind -- BUT THIS IS NO GUARANTEE OF QUALITY -- was this:

"But how did you kill him?" Harun enthused.

 

[Onyx]

"Excitedly" is a happy word - like you're going to Disneyland. Do you mean for the character to be enthusiastic?

 

[BAYLOR]

I've got a line in the prologue of my book that doesn't quite sit right with me:

“But how did you kill him?” Harun asked excitedly.

"Asked excitedly" doesn't quite sound right, but I can't quite think of an alternative to replace it with. Is there one, or am I just being unnecessarily fussy about the adverb?

What about

" But how did you kill him ?" Asked a visibly excited Harun .

 

[Plucky Novice]

You could try to convey his excitement through facial expression perhaps.

"But how did you kill him?" Harun's eyes were wide, a hint of a smile as he nodded encouragement.

 

[Artoriarius]

I don't want to depict him as too excited, though. A bit of context (I probably should've mentioned this in the first post): he's listening to his uncle tell a story of how he slew a giant. He's more excited by the story as a whole than just the killing.

 

[tinkerdan]

It really depends on both what you need to convey and how important it is to you.
There are a number of ways to do this and one is to show.
'But how did you kill him?' His voice rose, his attention hyper focused.
'But how did you kill him?' He leaned close, his wide eyes fixed upon hers.
'But how did you kill him?' His voice was low, his words brisk and cutting.
'But how did you kill him?'

The last makes the reader do the work.

 

[Brian G Turner]

You could try to convey his excitement through facial expression perhaps.

This is what I'd suggest, too.

Aside from any arguments about adverbs, it means a show rather than tell.