The Big Peat
Darth Buddha
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2016
- Messages
- 3,676
I really liked the opening part. I thought it was very evocative, read beautifully, and captured a lot about the character. I like the conceit of the character walking through a crowd whispering through her, reacting in silence. Having some of the criticisms I suppose I see some of them, but I didn't really find it unrealistic reading it the first time. To me, it seemed obvious that social proprieties allowing the whisperers to feel safe are at play. I like that it is up front about clashes of race and gender playing a part.
There's a couple too many repetitions for me - a lot of fire imagery, slivers of pine used twice.
I also think the conversations could be compressed while still retaining the same overall effect i.e. the bit where someone says they hear stories, someone goes "Stories?" and the first person goes on doesn't really need the middle bit.
And I also would have liked to hear more about her feelings re being a Vestal.
But other than that, that really hit my sweet spot.
The change of voice and PoV didn't throw me but I did find the repetition of events a little uninteresting. I like the concept of seeing events from multiple points of view but for whatever reason - too early in the plot, too right next to each other, not enough difference, not enough information about the first narrator - it didn't work.
There's a couple too many repetitions for me - a lot of fire imagery, slivers of pine used twice.
I also think the conversations could be compressed while still retaining the same overall effect i.e. the bit where someone says they hear stories, someone goes "Stories?" and the first person goes on doesn't really need the middle bit.
And I also would have liked to hear more about her feelings re being a Vestal.
But other than that, that really hit my sweet spot.
The change of voice and PoV didn't throw me but I did find the repetition of events a little uninteresting. I like the concept of seeing events from multiple points of view but for whatever reason - too early in the plot, too right next to each other, not enough difference, not enough information about the first narrator - it didn't work.