SEPTEMBER 2017 -- 75 Word Writing Challenge -- VICTORY TO URSA MAJOR!

[D.A. Xiaolin Spires]

Tightfisted Networks and Cheap Facades


Big Bad Wolf’s ear quivered and fell.

The hooded girl suppressed giggles and poked at them. “What big ears you have,” she said, frowning.

The house shook. The cloaked girl walked to the window and peered into another wolf’s pink, gaping mouth. “Wrong house!” she shouted. It stopped blowing the house down.

“Amateurs!” she yelled. “I’m sick of working with amateurs!”

“I’m done with reality TV.”

She wiped off her makeup, letting her wrinkles show.

 

[Hugh]

The Guilt of Hindsight​

How we longed for the attention of our new father!

In our envy I’m afraid we made her life a complete misery.

However, her account of a “Fairy Godmother” and a “Ball” is complete nonsense, the sad dissociative flight of a deeply unhappy child.

I know she never left the house. I was there.

But then she started telling this story and it just grew and grew until she was famous throughout the land.

 

[Starbeast]

Curious George in "Wacky Time"​

Yellow Hat Rey, scolded his monkey. "You never listen to me. Over the years, you've run away, broken my things and inspired books about evil primates. Now you've stolen a time machine, and caused a plague centuries ago. Ring Around the Rosie, my Aunt Fanny. I have had it with you!"

#

"Excellent taxidermy. He looks savage, charging to attack."

"My most hideous creation."

"It's beautiful. The demon is dead."

"Demon?"

"Yes. Heh-heh-heh....AHHHahahahahahahahahahahahhahaaaaaaa!"

 

[chrispenycate]

Almost cut my hair…

Rapunzel bares crowning glory
Lowers locks for quick ascension
To towering purgatory
Height restraining in detention.

How can scalp of tender maiden
Bear the weight and extra tension?
Head's already heavy laden
Without climber's intervention.

So be prudent, local gangs
When attempting to seduce her.
Split ends having forks and fangs
She's been trained up by Medusa.​

 

[Old_Man_Steve2016]

Here, we know it as...​

A dirty old man sat at a table, nursing his whiskey. A city-slicker woman walked into the empty bar in this dusty town and immediately walked over to him.
"Hi, you must be Carl. I'm Foxy, the historian Tandy told you about," she said and sat down. "I was hoping you'd tell me about the Bioengineered Intelligent Nocturnal Ghost Obliterator."
"We didn't call it that here, lady. Here, we called it 'Bingo'."

 

[Heijan Xavier]

Cheese is a Dish Best Served Cold

The father slaughtered thousands of our kin. He mangled their bodies with sadistic machines, poisoned them, set out wild beasts to torture them for sport. Why are we helping his daughter?

If she marries the prince, we will have access to the only refrigerated cheese pantry in the kingdom. We will hold a feast to honour our fallen, then we will plan our revenge.

Keep the glass slipper safe Gus. We may need it.

 

[farntfar]

Heading for delinquency.

Tom the piper was fed up with single parenthood, and he said so to Ray, the landlord of the puborama.
Tom junior was a lout, and Tom had decided to stop feeding him until he changed his ways.
But the boy just started stealing food.
“Beats me how you do it.” He told Ray.
“You could spend more time with him!” said Ray. “Time gentlemen please.”
“Fewkin children!” howled Tom as he wobbled home.

 

[Bob Senior]

COMMENTS AND DISCLAIMERS

Everything was under control, there was no reason to call the Fire Department!

Jack B. Nimble


I have a problem with my cholesterol.

Jack Sprat


No! I don't want to hear about "your bad day."

Humpty Dumpty


No! I do not want or need help straightening out my life or my house.

Crooked Man


I had no choice, she was running around with every Tom, Dick and Harry

Peter J. Peters, Pumpkin Eater

 

[David Evil Overlord]

The True And Unfortunate History Of Copyright Piracy.

If I travel back in time, and “write” the original story, then I’ll own the copyright. There’s so much money in fairy tales.

First, Little Red Riding Hood.

No, it will be fine. I’m not stupid. I won’t inspire some old, dead writer. I’ll wear a white hooded cloak.

Last words of Simone Redémarrer
Quantum Mechanics recovered her body, half-eaten by wolves, and wrapped in a bloodstained cloak, from Liege, France, 10th Century.

 

[LittleStar]

Morning Bells

Deep tolls rang through the cloud-spires.

Brother Abel rolled his hands in his robes. The delegates would arrive any moment, and then...

He smiled, hurrying to the Cerulean Spire. The Prelate brokered the ceasefire, only he could move to completing peace.

"Brother Jacques?" He knocked. The door opened. "Brother Jacques? Are you sleeping? The Galac--"



So it was lost.

Brother Abel dried tears on his sleeve, bowed his head. "Peace, Brother. Be at yours."

 

[Phyrebrat]

Weapon of Social Cleansing

Wolfgang sighed at today’s roster: Haytham, Woodham and Stoneham. Those cities would be gone come 5pm.
The poor swine.
Had he known what the job entailed, he’d never have applied.
‘About time we moved them on,’ his boss said in his earpiece at the orbital dock.
###
Heartbroken at the ashes of Haytham and Woodham, he tapped the console.
Time for a new target…
The Gentrificator rolled port at his command.
City Planner’s Office. Confirmed.

 

[Joshua Jones]

The Cost of Provocation

“Daddy, what’s that twinkling up there?”
“That’s a little star, dear, way above us.”
“It looks like a diamond in the sky!”
“You are my little star,” the mother said. She kissed her family, off to buy dinner.
“Twinkle, twinkle… Daddy, look at all the stars!”

The woman sat, tears streaming, in a meteor crater from the Zell counterattack. Her little star was gone. She rocked back and forth, mouthing, “Twinkle, twinkle… little star.”

 

[mosaix]

I Have A Cunning Plan...

Thank you for your note in response to the updated regulations from the Galactic Council. I agree that their new 'fair exchange' policy is designed to curb what they disparagingly refer to as our 'abduction' program.

I think your idea should work. I hope so. Despite the recent success of the Pied Piper operation we can't afford another Hansel and Gretel fiasco.

Extract from a memo from Head of 'Extract and Observe' Operations to Rumpelstiltskin.

 

[johnnyjet]

Little Miss Musket

The fastest sharp shooter in the West took a break from her stage show. In her tent, she made a curds and whey protein shake.

Along came a giant mutant spider. She jumped up, dropped her drink, grabbed her musket, and blew it into itsy bits.

The carnival barker rushed into her tent.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Big spider."

"Oh no! That was for our new freak exhibit!"

"Can't put him back together. Sorry."

 

[HazelRah]

The Traveller and the Native


The green boat bumped into the sand. She sighed.

“This year has been the best of my life. Please don't go.”

“My planet needs me.”

She squeezed his hand tightly, as tears built behind her eyes.

“One more day?”

They wandered, hand in hand, in the twilight.

“Promise you’ll come back?”

“I promise,” he whispered, placing his ring on her finger.

Basked in moonlight, their last night together danced on and on in her memories.

 

[Stable]

Cornered By The Worst Guy At The Party​

Trapped by the irony bars of a rhyme, this furry fellow stanza-lone, less than a meter from freedom.

He could escape, he tells you. Take quatrain to the country, stay with Peep’s sheep, but the rice and treacle is calling again and there’s always another monkey to chase.

He blames his father. Never there, even when he was present. It all sounds well-rehearsed, a chorus and verse of tragedy.

“Pop!” Goes the weasel.

 

[Cody Drinkwater]

Power



The air grew cold as the young man descended into the bowels of the dark cave.

The steps swirled downward becoming uneven, but he was familiar with navigating rough terrain.

At the bottom, a crimson jewel illuminated the cavern.

He was supposed to steal it for his Master, but the idea vanished once he touched the jewel.

The magic rippled through his being, and for the first time Jafar knew true power.

 

[Ursa major]

​

​

The Failure of Rocker B(i)
or
So not about the Glorious Revolution…​

O’Dochartaigh’s thick Irish brogue came over the comms: “Emergency, Captain!”

“What?” I ask.

“Problem in one of the three top fore bays.”

Treetop? “And?”

“The load – an enormous space awl – shifted, jamming a rocker on its cradle. When we fire the fore reverse thrusters, there’ll be chaos.”

“Can you be more specific?”

“When the bow brakes, the rocker will fall, down will come Bay B, cradle and awl.”

“Is this a wind up?”​

​

​

 

[DragonAether]

Where is MacDonald?

Son: "Hey mom, today at human literature lesson we learnt 'the old MacDonald had a farm' nursery rhyme"

Mom: "That's awesome sweety, did you enjoyed it?"

Son: "Yeah, but I was wondering why the rhyme uses "had", what happened to him?"

Mom: "Oh honey, he has been executed during the robo-revolution, with all those useless humans that were keeping us enslaved."

Fin.

This teaches us that we can't trust robots, goodnight kids.

 

[Abernovo]

Faerie Politics, or The Gentry Opposed to Gentrification


You know there are few of us Fae left. We hide among the Dull Ones, but we keep the memories.

They tell of Goldilocks, the innocent little girl...but you know she is Goldilocks The Thief!

She snuck into Mama Bear’s cave, stole her winter stores, left her cubs to starve. Her grandchildren now do that to us. They come to develop, they say, to uplift our community.

We should rise, aye. Against the ‘Improvers’.