Hi there,
I am hoping for some Blurb Critique.
The target is Amazon Kindle …
I have gone for ~100 words… which is on the short side… but this was my gut feeling
So… exam question…
Which of these do you think is best? And for the best one… (your choice)… what would you do to improve it?
many thanks
Nick
***
Blurb A
We all feel connected to each other to some degree… sure we do… on a good day.
But one man, Dr Asha Kharjal, has discovered how to manipulate that special part of the human brain that controls actual subconscious messages between all living things.
Asha knows he’s going to save the world by gentle reasoning, but if the audience won’t listen then he may be forced to perform wholesale rewiring...
But power corrupts... and as he slides from humanitarian pacifist to totalitarian dictator his decisions get easier but the consequences more tragic.
Who can stop a man capable of fundamentally controlling our emotions with a single thought?
Blurb B
Polly Wolfson, matriarch of Wolfson Industries, is on a mission to save humanity from dementia.
She’ll do anything to push back the boundaries of medical research, but not all her family and staff feel the same way… some have moral positions they feel compelled to protect.
As her decisions move her further into a mire of grey morals, she is entrapped by the mystical Dr Asha Kharjal who has the solution to all her problems, his cost is high but her clock is ticking as her goal to cure dementia is not one hundred percent altruistic.
Blurb C
A hundred times, Sarah Dixon has almost quit from her job at Wolfson Industries due to the moral ambiguity she is forced to operate in.
Her boss, Polly Wolfson, is driving the mission to save humanity from dementia… and Polly will do anything to get that done.
As Sarah reconciles herself to one more appalling experiment, a new character appears on the scene. The mystical Dr Asha Kharjal is pedalling the solution to all Polly’s problems, but his cost is high… and half of Sarah is convinced that he cannot be trusted.
I am hoping for some Blurb Critique.
The target is Amazon Kindle …
I have gone for ~100 words… which is on the short side… but this was my gut feeling
So… exam question…
Which of these do you think is best? And for the best one… (your choice)… what would you do to improve it?
many thanks
Nick
***
Blurb A
We all feel connected to each other to some degree… sure we do… on a good day.
But one man, Dr Asha Kharjal, has discovered how to manipulate that special part of the human brain that controls actual subconscious messages between all living things.
Asha knows he’s going to save the world by gentle reasoning, but if the audience won’t listen then he may be forced to perform wholesale rewiring...
But power corrupts... and as he slides from humanitarian pacifist to totalitarian dictator his decisions get easier but the consequences more tragic.
Who can stop a man capable of fundamentally controlling our emotions with a single thought?
Blurb B
Polly Wolfson, matriarch of Wolfson Industries, is on a mission to save humanity from dementia.
She’ll do anything to push back the boundaries of medical research, but not all her family and staff feel the same way… some have moral positions they feel compelled to protect.
As her decisions move her further into a mire of grey morals, she is entrapped by the mystical Dr Asha Kharjal who has the solution to all her problems, his cost is high but her clock is ticking as her goal to cure dementia is not one hundred percent altruistic.
Blurb C
A hundred times, Sarah Dixon has almost quit from her job at Wolfson Industries due to the moral ambiguity she is forced to operate in.
Her boss, Polly Wolfson, is driving the mission to save humanity from dementia… and Polly will do anything to get that done.
As Sarah reconciles herself to one more appalling experiment, a new character appears on the scene. The mystical Dr Asha Kharjal is pedalling the solution to all Polly’s problems, but his cost is high… and half of Sarah is convinced that he cannot be trusted.
