When setting the scene is boring...

[VKALFIERI]

Hi;

So, I've recently put my work out for critique here and on other sites; and in most instances the opening lines (which I use to set the mood, and scene) have been said to be boring.

I've seen advice saying that opening with action or with something directly effecting the character and which spurs them to action is advisable for a better opening.

However, there are also those that say that you need to set the mood and feel of the scene. In doing so, you need to find that special balance between boring your reader and keeping them reading.

I like to think I have my own style. One that teeters on the edge between being descriptive and not being overly so.

But, a lot of people have said I need to tighten up my writing, so what's better?

What makes an opening interesting?

What makes you keep reading?

When does setting the scene become too descriptive and lose its edge?

 

[Brian G Turner]

Comedy is its own animal, so the same sort of criticisms for genre fiction may not apply. However, quickly checking out the opening in your crit piece, the prose doesn't seem to flow as smooth as it could. Therefore it may not the scene setting, as much as the lack of focus.

For example, it takes you three paragraphs to note that a phone is ringing, and to answer it. Inbetween that, we have an entire paragraph on smells (what he smells, then the act of smelling), and the second paragraph is all about tendrils. So from those first three paragraphs alone, I would be wondering what I'm supposed to focus on.

And IMO that's a really important point - prose that flows seemlessly from one subject to the next is easier to read that prose that jumps between subjects in an almost Brownian manner.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

For your opening paragraph it would take a slight tweak to do just that:
Agent Baird sat in quiet meditation, trying to filter out the smells and noise of the city park; a whiff of dog poop mingled with exhaust fumes got right up his nose and proved particularly hard to ignore.

It then relates your description to Agent Baird and makes it action. My slight issue was I thought Agent Baird was a dog for a paragraph or two. It reminded me a little of "Dog on It" a story about a private detective that was narrated by his dog, Chet. That and it had a definite whiff of Suskind's perfume about the opening.

Comedy, usually, requires more tightening and action to hold the humour and keep it moving than other styles of writing.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I gave your critique a little mauling in response. see if any of it helps.

 

[VKALFIERI]

Thanks for the feedback.

I was trying to get a more general answer to the question, but I also don't mind having more critiques.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Thanks for the feedback.

I was trying to get a more general answer to the question, but I also don't mind having more critiques.

I think the response in the crit was pretty general, but hey ho, to sum it up:

More character experience. Description is fine but make it work harder - if description can also tell us something about the world, all the better.

Try to cut out the fluff. Be clever - if you can bypass a boring bit gracefully, do so. If not, cut it to the bone

Every word, every line, every sentence, paragraph, chapter etc should have a purpose to move the plot or character on - if not, why is it there?

Context should not be needed - if it is, your beginning isn't strong enough to stand alone.

 

[VKALFIERI]

I've just created a brand new opening.

Once I've tweaked it a little; I'll share it on my crit thread.

It completely changes the opening.

It also introduces a new character I didn't have before.

 

[Droflet]

VK, I've been where you're at for years. There is a lot of contradictory advice out there. And you know what? It's all correct advice. I followed one piece of advice and got rejected because "the opening didn't grab me." Generally I've found that agents and publishers (and this could just be my experience) want something immediate in the opening. Something that's going to drag the reader along and make them read on. (Duh). Of all the problems you'll encounter none will be as frustrating as finding the right balance for your opening. Personally, I'd write the book then return to the opening. By the time you do that you'll have learned a lot and be in a better position to attack the opening. Just my humble opinion.

 

[VKALFIERI]

The problem is; because I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kind of writer, the story is progressing slowly. At the moment I'm stuck at chapter 7. I kind of know what I want to happen, but I just haven't written it yet.

Part of that is because of other distractions, like TV, and part of it is because I'm also trying to help plan my wedding which is 2 months away.

But yeah, as you say, I should nut out the rest of the story first, and then come back to the opening.

I have an almost complete novella sitting around somewhere that is begging for a crit. Maybe I should share that instead?

It's been edited a little bit more than BBATBB.

 

[Droflet]

Whatever works for you, VK.

 

[Cathbad]

I don't really have any better advice, but I know you have to grab the potential reader/buyer in those first few paragraphs!

 

[Brian G Turner]

t the moment I'm stuck at chapter 7.

Then don't worry too much about your opening at this stage - it's only after your first draft is finished that you'll have a proper overview of everything that actually happens in your story.

IMO it's quite normal to have a chapter that doesn't quite sit right for some reason, and no matter how much you rewrite, edit, and generally pick at it. Then while writing a chapter later on, something will appear that you hadn't considered - everything clicks - and you can go back and fix that annoying chapter.

The job of the first draft is to just get as much down as you can. The second draft is where you can start worrying about tidying up and tightening. So don't sweat it.