Agents: The Worst Ways to Begin Your Novel

[Joshua Jones]

Wasn't there a scene in Twilight or its sequel(s) of exactly that nature? The bedroom one, not the Greek God on the beach.

But yes, I'd wager that there are still a lot of women who harbour such fantasies, but that's all they are, fantasies, not something they'd actually want to happen in real life. For most, anyway. (And yes, some women do have fantasies of rape, or at least of ravishment.)

Huh. Learn something new every day. I'll have to keep that in mind when my sarcastic nature kicks in and I parody a romance novel. I am thinking something like "protagonist coordinates this fantasy date with her new boyfriend, roommate comes home unexpectedly and starts beating him senseless with a frying pan."

 

[The Judge]

Been done already... Well, nearly. Not with the frying pan and not actually a romance. There was an episode of House which opened with a man apparently breaking into an apartment to rape a woman, and it turned out to be an elaborate fantasy game between the two of them. It all went pear-shaped, but I can't now recall exactly what happened, though I think the cops might have been called and he had to try and explain himself.

 

[The Big Peat]

Mild tangent, but I clicked onto one of the links on one of the articles and will now never underestimate just how likely agents are to go googling me (or someone else).

Although good luck to them if they wanted to google, say, Dan Jones...

 

[Joshua Jones]

Been done already... Well, nearly. Not with the frying pan and not actually a romance. There was an episode of House which opened with a man apparently breaking into an apartment to rape a woman, and it turned out to be an elaborate fantasy game between the two of them. It all went pear-shaped, but I can't now recall exactly what happened, though I think the cops might have been called and he had to try and explain himself.

Ok, I will have to work on my satire a bit more at some point... I know there is something there that can develop into at least a scene.

 

[Plucky Novice]

Mild tangent, but I clicked onto one of the links on one of the articles and will now never underestimate just how likely agents are to go googling me (or someone else).

Although good luck to them if they wanted to google, say, Dan Jones...

I followed the same link and found it really interesting. How important are online profiles to publishers? I can understand searching for negative images that could impact sales but the size/breadth of profile never occurred to me. How important can that be when authors use pen names?

I have a negligible online profile, is that a problem if I aspire to be published?

 

[Robert Zwilling]

Companies use on line presence for one thing, to judge a person as a potential employee. Authors are employees of the publishing machine. The publishing machine needs to be fed information that can be transformed into money for the publishing house.

What probably matters to company is the appearance of saleability of the individuals life style if it exists. A mountain climber who just came down off a well know mountain probably looks better to some people. The other issue is the person saying anything that could diminish sales or make the company look bad by association. Political views have little to do with that issue as publishing houses will gladly publish opposing viewpoints. Smaller operations might have a slant they prefer.

Readers like to know about authors which is where the online profile can make a difference. It's just like googling some one. In this social media age, we create our own gossip, write our bios. Bios have always been around, an easy way to fill up part of the book jacket. I think it used to be an interesting bit of information that didn't sell the book one way or the other but now the authors bio has become part of the book cover operation, a means of selling the story. For some stories, tying the authors life in with the experiences they are writing about makes them look more qualified.

For the record, my writing is my profile.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I followed the same link and found it really interesting. How important are online profiles to publishers? I can understand searching for negative images that could impact sales but the size/breadth of profile never occurred to me. How important can that be when authors use pen names?

I have a negligible online profile, is that a problem if I aspire to be published?

With my name I try to be reasonably sensible on line.

As to your question - yes, for some publishers (and increasingly so) it is a barrier. It’s not hard to buy your domain name and set up a website. I paid a savvy mate £100 to do mine and it costs me around £20 per year to keep the domain. Alternatively a Facebook page is free and really easy to build.

The key is to have somewhere to point them to.

 

[Dan Jones]

So far as I can see most of the agents cited seem American, or at least work for American agencies. Whether that makes a difference or not when compared to UK (or other) agents I couldn't say but it should probably be taken into consideration.

Also, as has been mentioned above, agents work with different genres so should be aware of the various genre conventions. The linked article in the OP doesn't say whether the agents whinging about prologue are primarily working in the crime genre, or literary, or chick-lit, or fantasy etc etc. That makes (literally) a world of difference in some cases.

I really think that authors should take want agents say with a pinch of salt. Yes, they are the (self-described) gatekeepers of the industry, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're always as rigid as these articles sometimes imply. Often they will pick something up just because they like it. I also think that, more relevant, agents don't always actually believe the advice they give out, though I suspect they'd never admit to this publicly. What agents are looking for is a business relationship, and so giving people a fairly rigid set of guidelines is a good barometer to gauge whether or not someone is capable of conducting themselves professionally.

I broadly agree with Chrisp's analysis that, at first glance, it looks as though agents are trying to squeeze all novels into this cookie-cutter mould, but I once saw the slush pile of a major agent, and trust me, it looked obscene. They need some method of filtration, and once you're "in" you do seem to get a lot more say and flexibility about what you can do to shape your novel.

 

[Robert Zwilling]

That main stumbling block is being able to appraise things you don't like or refuse to appreciate. I wonder how someone who specializes in crime or romance, doesn't "read" science fiction, can read a science fiction story where the "science" is driving the story can see where it falls flat except on an aesthetic level.

I read my poetry at poetry groups, it is somewhat science based as well as other values not normally found in popular poetry and people do tell me, "I don't do science, but I like the way the words sound." There are also blank stares and not quite frowns as the impersonal descriptions apparently have a personal meaning.

 

[Luiglin]

They all seem to come as literary versions of Simon Cowell. It reads more about what 'I don't like' rather than what do the readers don't like.

 

[The Big Peat]

I really think that authors should take want agents say with a pinch of salt. Yes, they are the (self-described) gatekeepers of the industry, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're always as rigid as these articles sometimes imply. Often they will pick something up just because they like it. I also think that, more relevant, agents don't always actually believe the advice they give out, though I suspect they'd never admit to this publicly. What agents are looking for is a business relationship, and so giving people a fairly rigid set of guidelines is a good barometer to gauge whether or not someone is capable of conducting themselves professionally.

Lets not forget that an awful lot of people misreport what they actually want. So many readers will say they hate X but make an exception for Y, and I'm not sure why agents would be any different.

I'm also pretty sure you could go through this article and find a best seller that does exactly what they hate for each and every point. I know Wheel of Time falls foul of the laundry list descriptions. Harry Potter has a prologue (I forget whether they call it one or not, but its a damn prologue). Etc.etc.


That said, for all the nit picking... it is good advice, and it is stuff I see a lot of readers saying they hate as well, and while the rules can be broken its usually a good idea to know what you're breaking and why you're down it.

 

[Robert Zwilling]

Sometimes writing rules are the personal preferences of the person stating those rules. If it doesn't follow the rules they have a harder time reading it. That may or may not represent a majority view. The story may or may not be embraced by the majority of readers. If it isn't, the author has to decide what is the best way to reach the readers. Hopefully the publisher could help with that but if you don't have a publisher willing to take the time to adequately popularize the story, it's DIY.

If the way the material reads is annoying for any number of reasons for most readers of that story that is not a good set up. What isn't annoying doesn't always have to follow the rules. Most people aren't going to read something that annoys them unless they have to. If the story is intended for a more select audience that appreciates the format, that's what you do.

If the rules were compiled in a descending order of importance it would be more helpful. The first rule is simple, no mistakes in the first couple of pages. I don't know what comes second. The order of the rules is also dependent on the story itself which means there are multiple lists of the same set of rules. Perhaps the second universal rule could be anything that comes between the chapter heading and the first word of the first line of the actual chapter should probably be very short. That way if it detracts from the oncoming flow of words very little damage will be done to the readers' appreciation of the continuing story.

In constructing a story it is said that the question of what is the reader getting of reading this story should be considered. Will the reader consider it a good investment of their time. Entertainment vs educational. That is an illusion as either one can be the other, although at the extremes it is one or the other. Is why are people reading in general different from what are people getting out of reading? At times could it be as simple as does it flatter the reader or not? By confirming their beliefs is that a form of flattery. If every step yields disagreement how far will a reader read, what could make disagreement an enticement to keep on reading.

 

[J.D. Robinson]

They say that it’s almost never a good idea to start a story with someone waking up … but it’s probably an even worse idea to end a story with someone waking up.

 

[Brian G Turner]

All this advice about not starting with a prologue - I used to protest that I needed one to set the scene, and provide the reader with the basic information they needed to understand what follows.

What I slowly and finally came to realize - not least through reading good fiction - was that the last thing a reader wants to do is understand anything at the beginning. Instead, it's more enjoyable to be faced with a mystery, and questions, and slowly have them answered only to reveal even bigger questions.

That's the theory anyway - whether I can make it work in practice is another.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Yeah I think prologues should be renamed ‘Author’s Self Indulgence’.

ph

 

[Luiglin]

What I slowly and finally came to realize - not least through reading good fiction - was that the last thing a reader wants to do is understand anything at the beginning. Instead, it's more enjoyable to be faced with a mystery, and questions, and slowly have them answered only to reveal even bigger questions.

That's the theory anyway - whether I can make it work in practice is another.

But prologues can also be used to add mystery. I think the trick is the size of the prologue. Some I've read are longer than the chapters that follow.

 

[Venusian Broon]

Yeah I think prologues should be renamed ‘Author’s Self Indulgence’.

ph

It's strange though the sheer number of them I've read...

...but I think it's more a sign of the success of the author I'm reading, because if your publisher lets you publish a book with a prologue, it's because the author has probably earned the right to do pretty much anything with them.