Three-Legged Improv

[THX1138]

The gillie stepped out of the woods as the forest animals followed his every stylized move, “I’m the gillie and you can’t hide, I’ll find you in this forest wide, whoa!”

The salmon in the river stood up and began a choreographed lurching like zombie dance, they then slipped back under the water and swam up-stream.

The gillie did a stylized spin and tipped his hat while the forest animals disappeared back into the woods, he then stepped onto his diamond studded skateboard and quietly glided away.

Protractor, Librarian, Blue Man Group Video

 

[THX1138]

The librarian methodically moved about replacing books, checking the card catalog, and stamping overdue book cards.

While doing so, one Blue Man used a protractor to measure her body and facial angles while two more Blue Man playing a Drumbone, turned the angles into interpretive sound.

At the end of the video, the Blue Man stuck the protractor onto a board with mouth soften marshmallows, pressed their blue colored faces into it and presented it to her as an original work of art.

Block of ice, Camel trader, Steam Punk

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

Evelyn the Mystic felt Obbeldonk the Merchant needed a lesson:
'You have not invented still water, and you of all people should known not to store ice inside a deceased dromdary -if that poor camel could speak now what would it say?'
'This is fantastic, I thought I died when Obbeldonk removed my intestines.'

Guidebook, Chiropodist, Sci-Fi

 

[THX1138]

The Chiropodist used his surgical skills to alter his feet to the terrains that the guidebook, 'See the Views of Mars the Martians Never Talk About' lead him on.

Duck, hoarse and Jabberwocky feet came and went as the guidebook lead him to incredible views with magnificent photos opportunities.

Until he came across the Great Dungy Field of Dungy Doo, at which point he turned around and headed back.


Fizzy Drink, Embalmer, Horror

 

[therapist]

Cecil, the CEO of Monster Energy, admired his dead girlfriend. She was far sexier in death than she ever was in life. He tried to ignore his excitement as he lathed her in embalming fluid.

Trees, Engineer, Horror

 

[THX1138]

The engineer arrived at the site to cut down the foliage only to find that the trees where already removed, or moved?
The other crew members became concerned for their engineer, until they found him in an unusual state.
While cutting down an ancient Oak tree he was found, crushed with his equipment in its wooden and enraged embrace.

Broken bottle of Ink, Magistrate, Modern Mystery

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

'Your Honour, please be it upon you to know that the ink bottle I used to transcribe Mr.Spondugalot's cofession for the seven deadly sin was either broken, or contained invisible ink.'

'My hip trendy learned Nike shoe wearing liege, the accused was angry and envious of Colonel KFC so lazily seduced his wife and then ate all his chicken without sharing, and yet all you have is a blank piece of paper to show how proud he was of this?'

'The paper might not be blank your Honour, because if that bottle wasn't broke then the truth remains to be seen.'

Toenail clipping, YouTube star, Cobbler

 

[Fiberglass Cyborg]

Toenail clipping, YouTube star, Cobbler

"Do I even want to know how you ripped the soles off these 'just by wearing them'?" asked the cobbler, inspected the ravaged hiking boots.
"Clearly you aren't up on the latest viral trends," said Krystyne snootily. "I'm the biggest Extreme Toenail Grower on all of Youtube, but I should probably have trimmed them before taking part in the Three Peaks Challenge...."

Flute, fast food delivery biker, urban fantasy

 

[ColGray]

Flute, fast food delivery biker, urban fantasy

“You ordered the chicken tikka masala, extra naan, no djinn blood and a virgin allergy—holy sh*t, you’re Ian Anderson! My parents always talk about the time they saw you play Glastonfaerie!”

I gave the delivery gnome a tight, knowing smile: great, a fan.



Hand Plane, Bomb Squad, Meet Cute

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

'Let me explain Flambugondlia, I friggin thought things might get fiddelsticks edgy with all these feckin pigs hanging about, so I brought the plane to smooth things over.'
'That's so thoughtful Ignatious, you are truly amazing, but why did you bring the bomb squad to our candle lit supper?'
'Oh Flambugondlia, the cops are simply here for your protection -just in-case I accidentally drop the F bomb.'

Scissors, toymaker, TikTok clip

 

[THX1138]

"Today I'm going to show you how to make a toy doll out of a pair of scissors and some colored paper, just by using a pair of scissors!"
"And now have a toy ballerina, and we can have her spin on our hand like this, ouch!"
"One more thing everyone, remember to use safety scissors for this project, otherwise you'll be making a first aid video instead."

Cookie Cutter, Wizard, Fantasy

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

‘This site uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience from YouTube, by continuing to use this website you agree to accept these cookies.’

‘The dragon is not backing down Merlin, are you sure you have the correct incantation?’

‘Absolutely, I copied it from the internet verbatim.'

Toenail, Orthodontist, Sports Biopic

 

[Fiberglass Cyborg]

Toenail, Orthodontist, Sports Biopic
DOCTOR RUTH LESSING: In all my years as an orthodontist, I've never seen this before. How, exactly, did you end up with an ingrowing toenail in your lower left jaw?
GARRY "GUMS" GALLAGHER: Oh, you know, some crazy things can happen in Premier League Footmouth....

Basketball, Janitor, Lovecraftian horror

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

Message from Klenup Bucketmop to Superintendant Frung of the Extraterrestrial Interdimensional Ordnance Department:

I have removed the basketball hoop from the side wall of our canteen and donated it to the eyeless humanoid entity known as Sheb-Teth
-I'm letting you know this as I'm sure it'll be missed.

Can opener, Dog Warden, Space Opera

 

[THX1138]

We are here to bring our beloved Lord Chihuahua his pre-invasion meal, let us pass!

Sorry, but you folks are from Canis Minor, and all invading unregistered canines are subject to a strict 14-day quarantine and mandatory neutering.

Please inform our Lord Chihuahua we'll be back in a few months, as we just realized we left his can opener somewhere on Pluto!

 

[THX1138]

Sorry! Forgot the next one:

Cutting Torch, Manicurist, Lovecraft

 

[Provincial]

Toby caressed lovingly the high-octane, super-heated blowtorch in his hands.

”My Lord Cuthuluhluhluhu, high and ancient God of the nether realms, your servant is here to supply your every need!” he gibbered, drool spilling from the corner of his mouth. ”Present your holy and terrible claws, that I might trim them!”


a bald head, zoologist, political speech

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

'Citizens -the other political party would have you all homeless, just like the lice that used to live on my head, or these lions that once roamed the savanna. In fact, if they could speak to us now, do you think not think the beasts would agree?'
'No, I'd say they'd probably just explain to you that they are leopards Congressman', replied Zookeeper Chunkelthaw.

Swimming goggles, tiler, historical fiction

 

[THX1138]

I say, excellent work tiling my wading pond, but shouldn’t you have drained it first, old chap?

Aye, but I’m using cement so no need as it sets just fine in water, sir. Besides, it gives me a chance to try out these new water spectacles that allow me to do me job while swimming with yer goldfish at the same time!


Smart watch, Maid, Science Fiction

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

'Incredible, my Apple Chromeplonk FZB6000 watch has teleported us into one of those brand new hotel bedrooms they have the future.'
'I sometimes wonder about you Paddy, we just checked in -they always clean the rooms before the guests arrive.'
'You believe that old traditional reality nonsense if you want, I'm placing my faith in the science of Apple Corporation Advertising and firmly believe my wristwatch has zapped us forward in time.'

Hoverboard, Faith Healer, Period Drama