Three-Legged Improv

THX1138

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Joined
Mar 11, 2022
Messages
726
Location
Land Locked Ocean Dream
I've only skyed downhill professionally Dan, but never with contestants throwing questions at me!
Well, that's the challenge Flapping Falcon, so to help you out here's a joystick!
If I knew about these, I would have used it in them to win the Olympics!

water balloon, pilot, suspense
 

AnRoinnUltra

Go on the humans!
Supporter
Joined
Aug 15, 2021
Messages
735
First officer Jubbalaw Planethop glanced nervously over at the man piloting their Interplanetary Rocketship.
‘The Martians are firing water balloon at us captain, this is my first time running the Earth blockade and I don’t mind saying I’m terrified -do these Rocketships often explode?’
‘Not at all Jubbalaw,not at all, just relax -they only ever explode once, wait and you’ll see that I’m right.’

Trowel, chiropodist, documentary
 

Christine Wheelwright

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Joined
Jan 3, 2022
Messages
607
Location
Oh Canada!
Mr Wall told us that a trowel was used to perform delicate surgery on his broken foot which was then cast in cement rather than plaster. Furthermore, he was later sent home in a wheelbarrow instead of the customary wheelchair. We caught up with Dr Mason outside his surgery but he declined to be interviewed, swearing and striking our cameraman before driving off in a white van.

Sink, social media company's new owner, farce
 

therapist

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
300
Raj was proud of his new sink, and everyday uploaded new photos of his sink to Instagram. His account—Raj's sink—went so viral that he quickly became the most influecial Instagrammer in Instagram's history. With his new wealth he quickly acquired Facebook, Twitter, Snapchap, and finally Instagram itself, heralding a new era of sink focussed social media.

Concrete, con artist, school
 

THX1138

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2022
Messages
726
Location
Land Locked Ocean Dream
Looking to start a new career in the exciting world of concrete mixing, but don’t want to deal with the hassle of going to a trade school?

Then enroll in Aquamac’s school of Cementing where you will be part of our Italian VR class in authentic Roman concrete mixing at our Italian campus.

And if you pay your tuition in full upon enrolment, we’ll send you 100lbs of our specialty imported Italian concrete mix to get you going on your first course, Making Your Own Pair of Designer Concrete Shoes.

blender, dog groomer, comedy mystery
 

Victoria Silverwolf

Vegetarian Werewolf
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Messages
8,431
Location
Chattanooga, Tennessee, USA
Madame Fifi of Marseilles (née Shirley Blinski of the Bronx) stirred a soupçon of Chanel Number Five into the hypoallergenic shampoo in the blender, set it to stir, and watched the fragrant mixture bubble up merrily. Sir Thrackmorton von Woo-Woo, a Pekinese of unsullied pedigree, waited patiently for his weekly full body bath and massage. That was when two men wearing Donald Trump masks burst into the salon, grabbed the precious pooch, dropped a ransom note on von Woo-Woo's satin pillow, and ran off before Shirley could hit the off button, filling the floor with a very expensive wet mess.

bottle of whiskey, telegraph operator, Western
 

AnRoinnUltra

Go on the humans!
Supporter
Joined
Aug 15, 2021
Messages
735
'Dash, dash, dot, splot, dash, dot, an before you say it, that splot is no mistake -Heindrick Gonzales may have been a thundering alcoholic, but he recorded every message perfect an never made a mistake in his life.'

'It just don't seem right, I'm full sure that should be Dash, dot, dot, dash, dash, dot ...an anyways, didn't the whiskey soaked fool just die trying to sneak up on Trigger from behind.'

'Now that there was no mistake, you can bet the ranch Trigger meant to kick him in the head.'

Shoe, Upholsterer, Crime reenactment
 

Fiberglass Cyborg

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Joined
Jul 13, 2021
Messages
467
Shoe, Upholsterer, Crime reenactment

"It's all right, I'm a trained stunt sofa," said the Sofa.

The police officer delivered a roundhouse kick to the left-hand seat back with his size 10 Jimmy Choo, and the upholsterer leaned in for a better look at the results. "Uncanny," she said, "it pefectly matches the imprint on the victim."

Guitar, burglar, horror.
 

THX1138

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2022
Messages
726
Location
Land Locked Ocean Dream
The guitar fell as the burglar entered the house, sounding a distinctive D major cord as it hit the floor.
As the burglar walked down the hallway, the sounds of a tuning guitar came ever nearer behind him.
Tuning soon became Flamenco, causing the burglar to panic and turn to see, "Attack of the Flying Flamenco Guitar!"

Bobblehead, Computer Programmer, Si-Fi Thriller
 

AnRoinnUltra

Go on the humans!
Supporter
Joined
Aug 15, 2021
Messages
735
‘Dammit I’m a programmer, not a theologian -the question demands a clear boolean response.’
Starship technician Burt McKay briefly regretted taking the holo-pill, before once more staring at the plastic Jesus glued to the shuttle dashboard and begging for divine intervention.
The statue’s head wobbled from left to right, up and down, and finally from left to right again.

Remote control, Urologist, Soap opera
 

THX1138

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2022
Messages
726
Location
Land Locked Ocean Dream
I hope you don't mind me doing your urology exam with this remote control as I am on a date with you wife's twin sister.
I do mind, Dr; I didn't know my wife had a twin sister?
Neither did I, and I have more bad news for you.

Pocket Calculator, House Painter, Crime Drama
 

AnRoinnUltra

Go on the humans!
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Joined
Aug 15, 2021
Messages
735
Inspector Gungalon turned to the jury and held up a pocket calculator as evidence. ‘Let the jury know that Fr. Foggendiglebantalooganpurgletrank trained as an accountant, and would know full well the cost of the stolen paint,’ he announced.

‘Nonsense’, replied Fr. Foggendiglebantalooganpurgletrank, ‘Mr. Colourdawallin told me that paint was on the house, and I already know how many pockets I have, which by the way is seven.’

3 amp fuse, telephonist, space opera
 

THX1138

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2022
Messages
726
Location
Land Locked Ocean Dream
Yes, my galactic armada is in need of Draconian 3amp fuses for our ray guns, and I was wondering if you had a sales rep there that could help me so that I may complete my conquest of the Galaxy?

Sorry your Lordship; our Draconian sales rep has left for the day, but I'll connect you to our Klingon rep who will be more than happy to assist you in your needs and that of your galactic endeavors.

Klingon technology is in line with that of our Draconian tech, and I shall gladly forge an alliance with your inferior Klingon rep in order to lure him into a false sense of hello, hello?

Xenomorph, Veterinarian, Greek Comedy
 
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Fiberglass Cyborg

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2021
Messages
467
Xenomorph, Veterinarian, Greek Comedy

CHORUS: For see! the bogus Vetinarios,
His crude facade of knowledge has been punctured!
As have the ribs of Alcibiades' steed -
That lackwit thought the creature was a lobster!

Librarian, watering can, thriller.
 

AnRoinnUltra

Go on the humans!
Supporter
Joined
Aug 15, 2021
Messages
735
I initially thought I'd hit a dead end when I couldn't find any books on paranoia, but fate responded to my roar of anguish. 'Tsk, they're right behind you', shushed the librarian. Eventually I discovered the whole thing was true -commercial airliners had indeed been lacing their contrails with LSD, like a thousand giant watering cans sprinkling their lie on humanity.

Geologist, penknife, fitness video.
 

Cthulhu.Science

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 30, 2023
Messages
81
Geologist, penknife, fitness video.
Follow me, Geologist Dr. William Dyer as we get in shape for miles of ice caves in an exotic Antarctic necropolis. Ok, now, penknife thrusts; get that shoggoth right where it hurts; and a one and a two...

Janitor, dog whistle, Icelandic Heroic Journey
 

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