Three-Legged Improv

Provincial

Coyote meets roadrunner
Joined
Jun 18, 2020
Messages
229
Location
Essex, UK
“Bring on the dancing elephants“ cried the ringmaster, ”their Leaning Tower of Pisa trick should bring the house down!”

“If 27 adult African elephants stand on each other’s backs they’ll make their own black hole and bring down the rest of the planet too!” screeched his wife. “Look, I’m getting another attack of pachydermatitis thanks to you!”



Brussels Sprout, Crane Operator, Japanese Manga.
 

Mad Alice

From Earth; Mad House of the Universe
Joined
Jun 23, 2015
Messages
934
They never truly appreciated Mighty Morphing Power Brussels Sprout until he saved the City of Tokyo from Godzilla by ordering the Docks ship loading Crane Operator to load Godzilla onto the freighter and dropping Godzilla off at Jurassic Park Island after hypnotizing Godzilla with an ancient sleep charm Brussels found in a Japanese Manga Kimchee recipe. The citizens of Tokyo were grateful but ever since the secret of the Manga cabbage sleep charm went public, beautiful Japanese Sailor Princesses have become extremely leery of strange fanboys bringing them gifts of homemade pickled cabbage.


Kimchee, laser cats, and figure skating.
 

Provincial

Coyote meets roadrunner
Joined
Jun 18, 2020
Messages
229
Location
Essex, UK
“And there we have it! The final of the All Comers International Figure Skating Competition of 2026, beping held in Gotham, will be between Lars Larsson and the notorious Cat Woman! Lars, The Batman has been missing for 20 months now. How do you plan to win this competition in light of the kidnapping in broad daylight of all the other competitors by the vicious Laser Cats gang?”

Lars looked surprisingly smug. ”This is a simple problem to one as wise and well-prepared as myself, Bob, and I believe you must know the answer already, if I read the expression on your face correctly. I am a dedicated professional and will balk at nothing to win. If that means daily baths in Kimchee, then that is what I, Lars Larsson, will do!“



Hair remover, elephant keeper at the zoo, children’s tv documentary script.
 

nixie

pixie druid
Staff member
Supporter
Joined
May 4, 2005
Messages
6,372
Location
I may live in Yorkshire but I'm a Scot
Today children we are visiting the country's newest zoo. Now be really quiet and we will be able to get close to the elephants and watch the keeper feed them. Suddenly one of elephant's let out an almighty sneeze, the keeper turns to the TV presenter with a look of disgust, "John I sent you a memo, Nelly's allergic to hair remover cream"

Smoke, panther, space comedy
 

Provincial

Coyote meets roadrunner
Joined
Jun 18, 2020
Messages
229
Location
Essex, UK
Nick Tattersall sidled into the cabin, hoping to find it empty. Instead it seemed that someone had parked a very large diesel engine in the room and then left the engine running; the stink was appalling and the smog was almost impenetrable. Either this was one of those rooms with a special atmosphere in it to keep an alien guest alive, or his uncle Bob had signed on as a cleaner on this space ship.

His second guess was surprisingly accurate. An extractor fan kicked in and the fog began to clear a little. Nick was gradually able to make out that the smoke was billowing up from a leather armchair which had its back to him, and as he watched it swivelled around slowly, dramatically, and squeakily to reveal a black panther curled up in it, chewing a cigar out of one side of its mouth and wearing a pink bikini.

It was Sanity Claws. Again.




a stick of dynamite, a jazz musician, a National Enquirer newspaper leading article.
 

Victoria Silverwolf

Vegetarian Werewolf
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Messages
7,096
Location
Chattanooga, Tennessee, USA
BONGO BOOM BLASTS BLUESMAN!

According to reliable sources exclusive to the Enquirer, beatnik drummer Harry "Hophead" Henderson, last seen with Elvis Presley at the top secret alien detention facility in Roswell, New Mexico, spontaneously exploded while banging out a message to the Illuminati in Morse code on his personal set of bongo drums, rumored to be made from extraterrestrial bone and skin. Said nightclub owner Binx Bradley, self-proclaimed heir to the Romanov dynasty, "Harry was trying to beat the TNT-eating record set by the late Jimbo Jones, and topped it off with a plateful of habanero peppers."

________________________________________________________________________________

Governess, candle, Gothic Romance
 

Matchu

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2020
Messages
46
Governess Grishelda tapped upon thirteen doors, thirteen doors, thirteen bedrooms, and then, then, at the very, very end in the very last room of the long corridor, lay master Hilary, the Latin tutor, scholar and beefcake, a dress shirt, no, doubt, goblet on the side table, Melody Lee blasting a full volume through his open windows. Grishelda bit her face in anticipation, unable to contain the squeal, she squealed, and shuffled beyond the twelfth door on the dark corridor, and snuffled her candle with her nose hairs on fire, and bled from the face, face to face finally, this most delicious of university scholars...upon his pillow....mmmm...mmmm...Mmmmm.

New York, junk, 1966
 
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Capricorn42

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 28, 2020
Messages
90
Location
London, UK
That was the day that Lucy stopped being a useless bum and instead became a legend. Right there in Central Park, she completed her junk machine and to the astonishment of all, took off and went flying. Trailing clouds of diamond dust, she swooped past John Lennon who swore there and then that he would immortalise her in song which, being a man of his word, he certainly did.
----------------
Las Vegas, trees, election day.
 

J.D.Rajotte

Member
Joined
Nov 1, 2020
Messages
13
Cindy Chung basked in the bright lights of Symphony Park, downtown Las Vegas. As she sits down wondering why the Christmas lights have been adorned upon the surrounding trees so early in the season, she decides the timing is irrelevant and that seizing the moment is what's most important. It was election day, and for the first time in her life she was preparing to do her part in shaping the great nation she calls home.

--- Madagascar, a bronze statue, action/adventure
 

Provincial

Coyote meets roadrunner
Joined
Jun 18, 2020
Messages
229
Location
Essex, UK
Carmen Miranda, she of the fruit-covered bonnets, was known to holiday in the rain forests of Madagascar when between tours. It was this which attracted the attention of the secret service in Hitler’s Third Reich - they needed someone to smuggle out cocoa for the Noble Leader’s chocolates, due to a serious shortage caused by the sinking of ships in the North Atlantic by U-boats. They suggested she should hide the beans in her hat, but Agent Camir (as she was referred to by her handlers in the CIA) agreed instead to stuff them inside a large bronze statue of a rolled-up hedgehog, which was so unstable it could be relied on to accidentally fall over the edge of the dugout canoe used to deliver the statue to the Bosche before they were able to haul it on board their launch.




Monopoly board, dental hygienist, aboard Air Force One.
 

Capricorn42

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 28, 2020
Messages
90
Location
London, UK
"So according to the latest estimate," said Major Smith, "the zombie army will have overrun the entire Eastern Seaboard in about three days."
"Damn," said President Kenzie. "What about Europe?"
"Not looking good sir. We have reports of President Macron eating his secretary."
"Wow."
Air Force One banked a little, engines humming.
"Well," said President Kenzie, "I guess it's just the three of us then." He looked at Dr Clark. "At least we got a doctor, huh?"
"Uh, sir, I'm actually a dental hygienist."
Kenzie, and Smith, looked at Clark.
"Uh, well, you know, dentist college also taught me a lot of stuff about, uh, other parts of the body."
"That's good son," the President assured him. "Have to tell you I got a nasty rash you need to take a look at later. Now, where did we get to with that Monopoly game?"
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Sailing ship, kraken, horror
 

Don Coyote

Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2020
Messages
23
The kraken lay hidden in his lair.

"Why are you sulking, dear?," asked his wife.

"I just got back from the doctor and you can only imagine my horror when he told me I'm allergic to sailing ships!"

A Tricycle, Three Men and a Lost Gold mine
 
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Provincial

Coyote meets roadrunner
Joined
Jun 18, 2020
Messages
229
Location
Essex, UK
”It’s down there, it’s got to be!” said Rob, balancing on top of Bob’s shoulders as Bert, at the bottom of the tottering tower of men, cycled the kiddie’s tricycle madly down the hill. “You’ve lost your gold chain, and that road sign said this is the way to the Lost Gold Mine - so let’s go and dig up your lost gold!”


a Swiss Army knife, an IT programmer, space opera.
 

chrispenycate

resident pedantissimo
Staff member
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Joined
Aug 10, 2005
Messages
7,361
Location
West Sussex
Victorinox, Schwytz, started developing the 'starknife' when they discovered the lubricant they used on their terrestrial models did not work in vacuum, allowing the blades to weld together. While the chemists workrd on various substitutes, a think tank headed by an informatician from accounts attacked the problem of what blades a star cadet might actually find useful - screwdrivers and cutting edgea, certainly, but perhaps not the corkscrew. This led, after a few years of experimentation and criticism by real astronauts, to a range of tools with between seven and forty-five accoutrements, incuding a two-hundred and fifty six Gigabyte sorage drive and nose-hair tweesers, and every star cadet is issed with one, with the famous Swiss cross dentred on a star, upon graduation.

Musician, punishment, inebriation.
 

Capricorn42

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 28, 2020
Messages
90
Location
London, UK
The demon leered at Ken and gave him a jab with a very sharp pitchfork.
"Hey, dammit leave off, I just got here!
"Quit whining" the demon sneered at him. "You ascetics are all the same. Moan moan, moan, never bloody happy. Well we got the perfect punishment for you."
"But I'm not a-" Ken's protest was cut short as the world dissolved and quite suddenly he found himself in what looked like a smoky New Orleans jazz bar.
The demon, it seemed, had travelled with him. "How about this, Mr 'Oh I don't drink or smoke or anything bad' goody two shoes, huh? An eternity in a jazz bar! With decadent music and endless booze and women! How horrible is that, huh?"
Ken thought for a moment. "Yes, you're right, this is truly, er, horrible."
"Enjoy," the demon hissed, and with one last gloating look, he vanished.
Meanwhile, in another circle of Hell, an ascetic named Ben was being shown around a pleasant, rural landscape with meadows and goats.
"Bet you hating this," sneered the demon. "Boring huh? For a jazz musician and all."
Ben thought for a moment. "Yes, indeed. Quite terrifying."
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Electrician, spooky old house, werewolf
 

Edoc'sil

One day I'll find the words.
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
137
Location
UK / Spain
I almost spat out my precious whiskey when she said that, "Say that again doll?"
"It's my furry pussy, I just know she's too kind to eat Mr Squeaky!" I paused, mulling this information over as another casefile shot through the pneumatics, landing on my desk
"Your cat I'm assuming, and... Hamster?"
------------------------------
Nailfile, Vet, Fantasy
 
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The Scribbling Man

Tenant of the Tower of Flints
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
191
Location
Coventry, UK
"They say you're a veter... vetrinarr... a vet-etery"—straining, the goblin paused—"they say you're a vet."
The pale, scrawny woman stared at the humanoid creature through iron bars and nodded gingerly.
"Heal me foot and I'll slip yer a nail file to pick the lock, eh?"

---------------------------------
Chocolate, Skull, Inspection
 

Edoc'sil

One day I'll find the words.
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
137
Location
UK / Spain
All was quiet in the chocolate kingdom, silent except for the room in the tallest gummy tower.

"Where's the contraband, scum!" Shouted the inspector, gloopy brown spittle flying from his mouth.

"I told you before, blob! Skull came and cleared it out, you ain't got nothing on me!" He raged, spitting hard candy at the chocolate policeman.
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Grapple, Cleaner, Thriller
 

The Scribbling Man

Tenant of the Tower of Flints
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
191
Location
Coventry, UK
Running, panting, sweating through ill-lit, dirty streets.

He catches breath in an alley, but the scraping still gets louder as a figure comes round the corner.

A dead end; he turns and pleads for mercy... but there is no person meaner, than the dreaded grapple cleaner...

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Nightmare, wolf, romance
 

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