Meta-story, 4,000th post critique

thaddeus6th

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Rather stupidly, I didn't write one ahead of time for this 'anniversary' critique, and I'm a bit snowed under so didn't have time to do one as the post count ticked up. So, I'm literally just writing this down, and expect it to be a bit rubbish compared to earlier ones (for that reason, it's not Sir Edric). It's briefer than usual.

Unnecessarily Epic - Thaddeus and the Demon

I was ensconced in intellectual pursuit when my trusty hound alerted me to the intruder. Switching off Supermodels of SHIELD, I at once focused all my attention upon the monstrous demon that had dared invade the sanctity of Castle White.

It was the vilest creature ever to disturb my vision. Eight hairy legs propelled it with preternatural haste, yet total silence. Obsidian orbs glinting with evil studded its twitching head.

The hound, whose virtues do not necessarily include courage, stared in shocked confusion at the horrendous creature approaching us, and then retreated with a low growl.

My heart thundered in my chest, adrenaline gushing through my veins. It is at times of such intractable peril that it is revealed whether one is a man or a mouse.

I fled to the kitchen.

Once there, I seized the newspaper and returned to the defiled sanctity of my solar to confront the hellish demon. It seemed to have grown during my brief absence, swollen with wickedness and terror.

But I am a man. And, what's more, a Yorkshireman at that. It takes more than a bowel-emptying nightmare from the ninth circle of Hell to drive me from my own castle. I advanced towards the octopedal beast and lashed out with my mighty weapon.

My demonic foe's swiftness evaded the strike, and, for a panic-stricken moment, I was unsure whence it had gone. Frenzied searching revealed it, and I struck a second time. Fortune smiled upon my heroic endeavour, and I pulverised the intruder.

Such an unholy creation was unworthy of civilised burial, so I disposed of the fiend in the bin. The hound returned, tail wagging in celebratory congratulation, and there was much rejoicing.
 

LittleStar

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Jun 30, 2011
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I'm sure someone once said the very terrifying thing that "this is just natural selection making sure that the sneakiest, most ninja-skilled spiders are the ones that reproduce!"
 

Jo Zebedee

Aliens vs Belfast.
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I lasted to a Yorkshireman and doubled (married to a Lancastrian here, I didn't quiver). At pulverised I needed smelling salts. If anyone's reading this and doubts you are one of the funniest writers out there, I'll set them the challenge of reaching the end of a three chapter sample of Sir Edric without crying with laughter. Really. Everyone should buy it for medicinal purposes.
 

Warren_Paul

Banishment this world!
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Jan 28, 2012
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Middle-Earth
Wow, pure brilliance. This would have been a sure fire winner in a spider themed 300 word challenge.
 

thaddeus6th

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Sep 15, 2007
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6,351
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UK, Yorkshire
Thanks for the kind words. Must admit to being slightly surprised given the fairly hasty nature of the story. When I've got some of my current workload done, I might try my hand at a project I've had in mind for a little while (a little anthology of short comedy stories, with several little series, such as Unnecessarily Epic and perhaps a few of Sir Edric's more concise shenanigans).

And yes, Jo is quite right. Give Sir Edric a look. He's a splendid fellow.
 

Bowler1

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Jan 30, 2012
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Evil demons can be dangerous and can turn on you. The last time I took one on with a shoe, on the stairs, I almost fell to my death when it turned and flashed its fangs at me. No laughing matter, but on my second attempt I got the job done. Well done on 4k posts mate, keep at it.
 

Dan Jones

Free Omar!
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Excellent. Brutal, yet mundane. Staggering, yet pointless. Love it :)

And well done on reaching 4000!
 

Mad Alice

From Earth; Mad House of the Universe
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Jun 23, 2015
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681
That was fantastically funny. I think it would be easier next time to hypnotise the spiders into becoming your minions.
 
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