Great Terry Pratchett quotes

This one may be a little on-the-nose for some but hey it's a TP quote and I think it should be taught in schools.

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In my humble opinion, this is the greatest of his quotes. Maybe not the funniest, but the sharpest. Its not everyday you read a few lines in literature that change how you see the world forever


There's a lot of fantastic quotes in that book to be fair.
This brings me back. I remember being swept away by Discworld when I was younger.

“Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you.”
“It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority.”
“That’s practically zen.”
Feet of Clay

I loved the the History Monks. I think one of the first fantasy novels I ever read was the Colour of Magic!
I like The History Monks too: "For is it not written that 'If you pick at it you shall only make it worse'"


I think I just loved the idea of Lu-Tze sweeping away unobtrusively in the background of pompous and world-changing political events.

‘We’re the most secret society you can imagine.’
‘Really? Who are you, then?’
‘The Monks of History.’
‘Huh? I’ve never heard of you!’
‘See? That’s how good we are.’
All of the above, plus I love one from the Unadulterated Cat which goes something like,
"Yes, there are dogs that don't bark like a stuck record, tarts with hearts of gold and solicitors who don't go on holiday in the middle of your complicated house purchase. You just don't meet them every day."
There are so many good quotes in Sir Terry's works--and beyond that, a truly astonishing amount of great ones. But there are several that I'll always remember, because they were actually brilliant--quick summations of reality not only pithily and humorously written, but rarely mentioned anywhere else. The overlooked truths, as it were.

“You mean…I could choose certain death?”

“A choice, nevertheless,” said Vetinari. “Or, perhaps, an alternative. You see, I believe in freedom, Mr. Lipwig. Not many people do, although they will, of course, protest otherwise. And no practical definition of freedom would be completely without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based."

- Going Postal, page somewhere-in-chapter-one (I use epubs)

“Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.”

- The Truth, page somewhere-towards-the-end

“Down there ... are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any iniquity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness. Not the really high, creative loathesomeness of the great sinners, but a sort of mass-produced darkness of the soul. Sin, you might say, without a trace of originality. They accept evil not because they say yes, but because they don't say no."

- Guards! Guards! (pretty close to the end)

I know there's more, but what's the point of trying to do justice to TP's work without quoting an entire book? Looking back, though, I realize these are all quite serious quotes--odd, I guess, for my favorite lines from a humorist author to be the most serious ones there, but maybe not. I think it was his gems of seriousness within the humor that truly took the books to a level higher than almost anything I've ever read.

Edit: (I just have to mention this one, though.)

Samuel Vimes dreamed about Clues.

He had a jaundiced view of Clues. He instinctively distrusted them. They got in the way.

And he distrusted the kind of person who’d take one look at another man and say in a lordly voice to his companion, “Ah, my dear sir, I can tell you nothing except that he is a left-handed stonemason who has spent some years in the merchant navy and has recently fallen on hard times,” and then unroll a lot of supercilious commentary about calluses and stance and the state of a man’s boots, when exactly the same comments could apply to a man who was wearing his old clothes because he’d been doing a spot of home bricklaying for a new barbecue pit, and had been tattooed once when he was drunk and seventeen and in fact got seasick on a wet pavement. What arrogance! What an insult to the rich and chaotic variety of the human experience!

- Feet of Clay
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“Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.” Reaper Man - I have used this in real life.

“Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things.” I Shall Wear Midnight - Statues and plaques of this should be everywhere.
I can't remember the exact words, but I like this, from OM.
"There are more ways to kill a cat than choking it with pling - always assuming you could get enough pling."
I do like Lord of Light.

Mm, not sure on the orangutan as inspiration. Maybe. I can just picture a librarian on a stool or ladder stretching to reach a high shelf and TP thinking "mm, longer arms would help".
And not just legs but also washed, pressed and had lavender bags (or a scent of my choosing). Putting clothes into a device that follows you around and cleans up what you put in there would make life so much easier.

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