using the word "suddenly"

[SleepyDormouse]

As I've been working through my second draft I keep finding the word "suddenly" and it is really annoying me! Does anyone else find they have over used it? I'm trying to re-write so that I don't need that word any more, just did a quick find in the document and only have 14 left, (out of 38,000 words) and mostly in the part I haven't yet re-drafted.

 

[HareBrain]

I keep finding myself having to resist using it. I thought (smugly) I'd managed to pretty much avoid it altogether in my main edited WIP, but a check just now revealed 41 uses in 160k.

Sometimes, though, I think you can tie yourself in knots trying to get the same sense of urgency without it.

ETA: on looking more closely, I think a high proportion of mine could go.

 

[Brian G Turner]

"Suddenly" is a word I have in my notes to remove as extraneous. The verbs that follow its use should reflect sudden motion IMO, and therefore show as opposed to "suddenly"'s tell.

 

[thaddeus6th]

I try to resist using it (for serious stuff. In comedy it can be used in a silly fashion).

Perversely, the word can detract from the sense of suddenness, because it's a signpost that something is just about to happen.

 

[alchemist]

I tried to remove it after people here flagged it as a no-no. In most cases I could do it effectively, but I think occasional use would still be okay.

 

[SleepyDormouse]

I think that's it, I don't want to be signposting that things are going to happen, but showing it with my writing. Getting my skill up to showing urgency without using it is hard though.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I tried to remove it after people here flagged it as a no-no. In most cases I could do it effectively, but I think occasional use would still be okay.

I suspect I was one of those people. It's a pet hate of mine when it is used like this:

Suddenly the heavens opened

Because it flags to me something is about to happen

But I don't mind

The heavens opened suddenly

Quite ao much (though I'd still try to remove it if I could)

 

[The Judge]

I try and keep its use to a minimum, and the same with its stablemate "abruptly," and I think very hard about whether to allow it, but sometimes it's just the right word at the right time. I've just checked and I've 2 uses of it in 29,000 words, as well as 3 "sudden"s and 3 "abruptly"s. But to my mind it isn't a kiss-of-death word that a single use will transform good prose into rubbish, nor will eliminating it completely turn poor prose into scintillating wit, so I'm fairly relaxed about its occasional use when I read it in other work. As in everything, moderation is the key.

 

[Ursa major]

Eight** uses in 109k words. I may be able to replace most if not all of them, though some are associated with the sudden appearance of something fundamentally static, which makes changing the verb somewhat problematic.

What I have noticed is that some of the uses are only a few manuscript pages apart, which I do see as a problem.


** - Plus 4 uses of 'sudden', all of them in the first 80 or so pages of the manuscript. (But not a single 'abrupt' or 'abruptly'.)

 

[Venusian Broon]

Now I can't get the Billy Ocean song 'Suddenly' out of my head. Suddenly - life has new meaning to me...

I appear to be in HB territory: 30 times in 190k for 'suddenly', but much fewer 'abruptly' - only 10. Perhaps more unexpected things happen in my WiP. Another thing to put down on the list for the third draft...

 

[Stephen Palmer]

The use of any word is never a no-no (apart from clench, obviously) - what matters is that you don't over-use any particular word.

 

[SleepyDormouse]

I have 'suddenly' five times in one chapter, that's not good!

 

[SleepyDormouse]

After a pause Farmon looked at his wife and then set his mug on the floor, “Ok, well I think it may be worth having a look, if you don’t mind.”

“A look at what?” Kendric asked.

“We can look at your magic, in a manner of speaking. It may explain why it has suddenly started like this,” he smiled at Kendric’s’ confusion.

Kendric, if anything, felt more confused and was about to ask how on earth you could see magic when Elene, who was getting very fed up of all this talking and being told to keep quiet, suddenly leant forwards, grabbed his hand and said, “Like this.”

In this section, from afore mentioned chapter, am I right to think that the first use of the word is ok, but the second should go. Or is it stronger if they both go?

 

[The Judge]

The use of any word is never a no-no (apart from clench, obviously) - what matters is that you don't over-use any particular word.

And "chuckle". Any book with "chuckle" in it used unironically automatically loses a thousand brownie points.

In this section, from afore mentioned chapter, am I right to think that the first use of the word is ok, but the second should go. Or is it stronger if they both go?

I think the first use is fine, not least as it's in dialogue, and people do use words we might want to eliminate in the narrative. The second one I'd remove even if it wasn't so close to the first (and being so close is definitely grounds for changing/deleting one or other even if both were marvellous in their respective lines -- this is where abruptly" comes in useful!). Instead of "leant" how about something like "lunged" (a word I use far too much...) or pounced? They might be too aggressive for you, but there might be another verb out there which would fit the bill.

 

[HareBrain]

Agree with TJ, except that I think some of the urgency of "grabbed" imparts itself to "leant" anyway, and "lunged" would over-egg it.

 

[SleepyDormouse]

Thanks Judge, I agree second use is far to close to first one even if a 'good' word.

Hare, I was just about to type the same (roughly) and will removed all but grabbed, that has enough action to it. Don't want to make Elene sound too aggressive!

as an aside, I love and hate (because of the complexity) how just changing just one word can change the whole tone of a sentence.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I have 2 in 12,000 words. I appear to have put my money where my mouth is on this one. Whether my older stuff is just as clean, I'm not sure.

In terms of how to avoid it but keep action fast, Sleepy - I find the old adage of sharp, snappy sentences at pacy moments helps and may remove the need for some of them?

 

[Ursa major]

The thing is, the word, suddenly, seemed perfectly okay in most of its occurrences in WiP1.

On pointing the spotlight at it, however, it became clear -- quite suddenly, in fact -- that in most cases it was simply superfluous, needing no more than its deletion, with no change to the associated verb required. Two of the original eight occurrences still remain. I had to alter the sentence in only one case of deletion, and I got to repair an unseen PoV problem: the PoV character had noticed something, but instead of narrating what she'd experienced, she mentioned its cause; now she describes the first and is told -- by someone who does know -- what is happening.

So thanks, SleepyDormouse.

 

[SleepyDormouse]

Not quite sure how I've earned the thanks, but your welcome!

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

Two so far in 21k Nano offering, but dread to think how many cases of 'was' or 'realised' (my main bugbears). Too scared to check...