The Predator's Window (redux)

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junkodudeturkey835

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Due to me being so stupid and putting the whole short story for people to read in a previous thread, here is the first part of the story. Surely this will get tons of people saying "show, don't tell" being the main issue with it, but anyway, enjoy.

“Funny, its boiling outside, yet this attic feels so cold?”

Mark Bateman was searching for a photo of himself as a child. His current girlfriend is curious to know what the tall African-American looked like when he wasn’t so tall. Photos of him from the 80s were stored up in the attic according to his father, Jack. The attic was filled with old relics of a bygone era. It has been 15 years since Mark was last up here, it was much more spacious and had only half of the stuff that could be seen right now.

The stuff that filled the attic are boxes of old VHS tapes (with a VHS player), old desks, 80s robot toys and a handful of home computers that dated back to at least 1980. Mark fondly remembered playing with those robot toys back in the day. He used to imagine the robots were piloted by a human inside, fighting evil aliens bent on the destruction of humanity. He was an avid watcher of cartoons featuring giant robots, most of which he can’t even remember the names of since they just faded into obscurity, perhaps there are some VHS recordings hidden away in the boxes.

His father is a hoarder of sorts, despite having no use for any of these items in this day and age, he still clings onto them since they apparently remind him of “happier” times. He had a car accident in 1992 that permanently damaged his legs, unable to run or do anything demanding with the condition of his legs. That’s all well and good, despite the fact they take up unnecessary space in the attic. In fact, the attic was filled to the brim with this junk, there was hardly enough room to walk normally since there were useless toys lying around on the floor. Jack told him to be careful up there because of this, but Jack just didn’t have the audacity to clean the attic up for the sake of his son before he came over. Not enough time in his life for it he claims, if Mark had a penny for all the people who use that excuse to mask their laziness, he would be a millionaire.

Mark picked as many of the toys up and placed them into random boxes, but many were still left on the floor since there were just way too many to clean up on his own. The computers don’t even work anymore, their circuits were fried long ago from overuse and age, not to mention how useless they are compared to modern PCs. And Jack owns most of the VHS movies on DVD now, the ones he doesn’t have are just low quality B-movies that no one remembers anymore or random TV recordings that may or may not be of the cartoons Mark used to love watching as a kid. “Might as well look through these boxes, maybe she will like some of this crap.”

He first inspected an unusually cold cabinet that was emitting a cold breeze that was coming from the gaps between the drawers and the cabinet support. Something felt wrong when he first entered the attic. The weather outside was boiling to the point staying outside would be an unbearable experience, but in here it was like the attic was in a different world, the temperature was freezing. It was as if it was ahead in time, already in the winter period of the country. This cabinet has been in this attic for what seemed like a decade or so. Dust, cobwebs and spider eggs decorated the dull and grey object to the point it seemed as if the webbing was holding the cabinet in a tight sticky grip. Patches of recently hatched spiders were climbing the webs, which only added to how gross the dust and webbing were. Mark cringed whenever he touched the cabinet, accidently squashing a few new-born spiders in the process.

The air it was emitting felt like a gentle breeze, like the kind from having a window open. But this was a cabinet, not an open window, and even if it was there is no way it would have made the room feel this cold. Something just isn’t right about this, even the dumbest of the dumb would see the impossibility in that.

The breeze seemed to have been originating from the back of the cabinet. Mark pulled the cabinet away from the wall, inspecting the back he found nothing. The breeze was coming from inside the cabinet itself, behind the drawers. Mark at first had a feeling that it could be a cooler that was placed inside the cabinet for whatever reason, but this cabinet had been untouched for years, that couldn’t be it.

Pulling out the top drawer, which was unusually loose, the air got colder to the point it felt like he was in a cooler part of the world. What he saw wasn’t normal in the slightest. The metal wasn’t there, instead replaced with the view of a grey rocky formation in a desert during what appeared to be daytime. Perhaps this was just some fancy picture that was placed at the back of the cabinet as an illusion, but this looked far too vivid to possibly be a picture. Needing to see more, with his heart pounding like that of a rabbit, Mark pulled out the remaining two cabinets, which were also unusually loose, in haste, He finally saw the rest of it.

The ground was flat on the other side, looking cracked and dry like a barren desert on Earth with two large rocks in the distance. The desert seemed to go on for eternity from what he could see. Mark just stared in disbelief, what was this? A portal to another world, or perhaps a world localized inside the cabinet, it could be either for all he knew. Using his smartphone, he activated the video recording feature and entered the cabinet. He poked his head through the back, his head entirely in this unknown place. This certainly wasn’t an illusion, it was real.

The air was heavy, breathable, but it was harder to breathe compared to oxygen where he was, he was wheezing and felt his fight or flight response starting to kick in, but he resisted the urge to move. It was cold, unusually so with the place looking like it had just been fried by a child with a magnifying glass. Looking up at the sky, the sky was blue, but there were no clouds. Instead, he saw a strange rotating spiral pillar of immense size with alien symbols and patterns floating in the void between worlds.

The pillar emitted a bright blue glow which made it very clear to observe from the surface of the world. It was easy to make out details on the pillar, the pillar was full of small tiny cracks that decorated the entire thing, identical to the cracks on the surface of the place Mark was partially in. The pillar had to at least be around the size of Jupiter since it filled up almost the entire sky, it was at least large enough to cause vibrations on this world since a loud rumbling could be heard. But the rumbling was so loud it was impossible to figure out if it even originated from the pillar, perhaps both the world and the pillar were rumbling. But if that was the case, why is everything completely still. Mark stared at it for half a minute, hypnotised by its size and the rotating. This certainly was not of this world, perhaps not even of this universe.

He next focused his attention to around the frame of the door, he couldn’t see what it was coming from. For all he could see, it was just a window in the middle of a desert. He put his left hand around the corner of the back of the cabinet, his right hand back in the room holding onto the front of the cabinet, keeping him from falling in. He thought that there had to be some sort of archway or object keeping this window open, but when he felt for perhaps a structure around the back of the window, he felt nothing.

Perhaps maybe it was like some sort of magical glass, so he attempted to feel the back of the “glass”. When he did, his hand just went through it like nothing was even there, he gasped. He didn’t even feel anything weird, and it was as if his hand was just moving around through the air. Putting his left hand back in its original position, he looked at the two rocks one last time. These were the only sort of formation in this world from what he could see. Just two lonely rocks in contrast with the barren wasteland where nothing could have existed or procreate. With nothing else to really observe from here, he turned to leave the cabinet. He had to tell Jack about this, surely he would be pretty fascinated by the discovery of a world inside his cabinet.


 

junkodudeturkey835

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I want to apologize for my attitude, but i am feeling an intense amount of stress right now which clouds my judgement and makes me more prone to take things the wrong way. Please focus on the work i pasted and i will be happy.

You can be harsh if you like, just please refrain from personal attacks.
 

chrispenycate

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Re: Short story: The Predator's Window

“Funny, its
it's
boiling outside, yet this attic feels so cold?”
Is this really an interrogative? (Note, I don't insist on traditional question inversion for using a question mark, but I don't hear this in a questioning inflection).
Mark Bateman was searching for a photo of himself as a child.
Past tense
His current girlfriend is curious to know
present tensewhat the tall African-American looked
Simple past; consider pluperfect
like when he wasn’t so tall. Photos of him from the 80s were stored up in the attic according to his father, Jack. The attic was filled with old relics of a bygone era.
Past tense
It has been 15 years since Mark was last up here,
Present tense
it was much more spacious
Simple past (as previous
and had only half of the stuff that could be seen right now.
Past tense
The stuff that filled the attic are
?Stuff' is singular, even if boxes are plural, and we're back in present tense
boxes of old VHS tapes (with a VHS player), old desks, 80s robot toys and a handful of home computers that dated back to at least 1980. Mark fondly remembered playing with those robot toys back in the day. He used to imagine the robots were piloted by a human inside, fighting evil aliens bent on the destruction of humanity. He was an avid watcher of cartoons featuring giant robots, most of which he can’t even remember the names of since they just faded into obscurity,
Comma splice
perhaps there are some VHS recordings hidden away in the boxes.
Present tense
His father is a hoarder of sorts,
Comma splice
despite having no use for any of these items in this day and age,
Without comma
he still clings onto them since they apparently remind him of “happier” times.
Present tense (consistent)
He had a car accident in 1992 that permanently damaged his legs, unable to run or do anything demanding with the condition of his legs.
Sentence needs restructuring; remove duplication of 'legs', and make sure it's obvious that it is he (the father) who is unable to do anything strenuous.
That’s all well and good, despite the fact they take up unnecessary space in the attic.
Back to present tense, but clear up what is "all very well and good"; you've got too far from the 'hoarder' section.
In fact, the attic was filled to the brim with this junk,
Comma splice
there was hardly enough room to walk normally since there were useless toys lying around on the floor.
Back to past tense.
Jack told him to be careful up there because of this, but Jack just didn’t have the audacity to clean the attic up for the sake of his son before he came over. Not enough time in his life for it he claims,
Comma splice; present tense
if Mark had a penny for all the people who use that excuse to mask their laziness, he would be a millionaire.

Mark picked as many
As many as what?
of the toys up and placed them into random boxes, but many were still left on the floor since there were just way too many to clean up on his own.
Past tense
The computers don’t even work anymore,
Present tense, comma splice
their circuits were fried long ago from overuse and age, not to mention how useless they are compared to modern PCs. And Jack owns most of the VHS movies on DVD now,
Comma splice
the ones he doesn’t have are just low quality B-movies that no one remembers anymore or random TV recordings that may or may not be of the cartoons Mark used to love watching as a kid. “Might as well look through these boxes,
Technically a comma splice (unimportant)
maybe she will like some of this crap.”
Past tense
He first inspected an unusually cold cabinet that was emitting a cold breeze that was coming from the gaps between the drawers and the cabinet support.
Reduce repetition
Something felt wrong when he first entered the attic. The weather outside was boiling to the point staying outside would be an unbearable experience, but in here it was like the attic was in a different world,
Comma splice.
the temperature was freezing. It was as if it was ahead in time, already in the winter period of the country. This cabinet has been in this attic for what seemed like a decade or so. Dust, cobwebs and spider eggs decorated the dull and grey object to the point it seemed as if the webbing was holding the cabinet in a tight sticky grip. Patches of recently hatched spiders were climbing the webs, which only added to how gross the dust and webbing were. Mark cringed whenever he touched the cabinet, accidently squashing a few new-born spiders in the process.

The air it was emitting felt like a gentle breeze, like the kind from having a window open. But this was a cabinet, not an open window, and even if it was
Had been
there is no way it would have made the room feel this cold. Something just isn’t right about this, even the dumbest of the dumb would see the impossibility in that.

The breeze seemed to have been originating
originate
from the back of the cabinet. Mark pulled the cabinet away from the wall,
Comma splice
inspecting the back he found nothing. The breeze was coming from inside the cabinet itself, behind the drawers. Mark at first had a feeling that it could be a cooler that was placed inside the cabinet for whatever reason, but this cabinet had been untouched for years,
Comma splice
that couldn’t be it.

Pulling out the top drawer, which was unusually loose, the air got colder to the point it felt like he was in a cooler part of the world. What he saw wasn’t normal in the slightest. The metal wasn’t there, instead replaced with the view of a grey rocky formation in a desert during what appeared to be daytime. Perhaps this was just some fancy picture that was placed at the back of the cabinet as an illusion, but this looked far too vivid to possibly be a picture. Needing to see more, with his heart pounding like that of a rabbit, Mark pulled out the remaining two cabinets,
Cabinets or drawers?
which were also unusually loose, in haste,. He finally saw the rest of it.

The ground was flat on the other side, looking cracked and dry like a barren desert on Earth with two large rocks in the distance. The desert seemed to go on for eternity from what he could see. Mark just stared in disbelief, what was this? A portal to another world, or perhaps a world localized inside the cabinet,
Comma splice
it could be either for all he knew. Using his smartphone, he activated the video recording feature and entered the cabinet. He poked his head through the back, his head entirely into this unknown place. This certainly wasn’t an illusion,
Comma splice
it was real.

The air was heavy, breathable, but it was harder to breathe compared to
the
oxygen where he was,
Comma splice
he was wheezing and felt his fight or flight response starting to kick in, but he resisted the urge to move. It was cold, unusually so
Comma
with the place looking like it had just been fried by a child with a magnifying glass. Looking up at the sky, the sky was blue, but there were no clouds. Instead, he saw a strange rotating spiral pillar of immense size with alien symbols and patterns floating in the void between worlds.

The pillar emitted a bright blue glow which made it very clear to observe from the surface of the world. It was easy to make out details on the pillar, the pillar
which
was full of small tiny cracks that decorated the entire thing, identical to the cracks on the surface of the place Mark was partially in. The pillar had to at least be around the size of Jupiter since it filled up almost the entire sky,
Comma splice; and you can't judge the size of something without having a fair idea of it's distance.
it was at least large enough to cause vibrations on this world since a loud rumbling could be heard. But the rumbling was so loud it was impossible to figure out if it even originated from the pillar,
Comma splice
perhaps both the world and the pillar were rumbling.
Sudden return to present tense.
But if that was the case, why is everything completely still.
Question mark. Then back to past tense.
Mark stared at it for half a minute, hypnotised by its size and the rotating. This certainly was not of this world, perhaps not even of this universe.
This world being which – the one outside the cabinet or the one his head is in?
He next focused his attention to around the frame of the door,
What frame? What door, for that matter, and why would it be 'coming from' anywhere? (Oh, and another comma splice).
he couldn’t see what it was coming from. For all he could see, it was just a window in the middle of a desert. He put his left hand around the corner of the back of the cabinet, his right hand back in the room holding onto the front of the cabinet, keeping him from falling in. He thought that there had to be some sort of archway or object keeping this window open, but when he felt for perhaps a structure around the back of the window, he felt nothing.

Perhaps maybe
Either'perhaps' or 'maybe', but not both.
it was like some sort of magical glass, so he attempted to feel the back of the “glass”. When he did, his hand just went through it like nothing was even there,
Comma splice
he gasped. He didn’t even feel anything weird, and it was as if his hand was just moving around through the air. Putting his left hand back in its original position, he looked at the two rocks one last time. These were the only sort of formation in this world from what he could see. Just two lonely rocks in contrast with the barren wasteland where nothing could have existed or
maybe 'to procreate'? or 'existed or procreated' but that's a touch clumsy.
procreate. With nothing else to really
Split infinitive
observe from here, he turned to leave the cabinet. He had to tell Jack about this,
Comma splice
surely he would be pretty fascinated by the discovery of a world inside his cabinet.
 

chrispenycate

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Oh, expletive deleted. I just went and did my breakdown on the previous version; has it changed much? And I didn't say "Show, don't tell"; I'm old enough to enjoy 'tell'.

I did say 'Comma splice' several times, and got confused by the non-continous tenses; if this isn't clear (I tend to red pen in shorthand, and this is the first piece of yours I've done) just say so in later posts, and we'll see if my explanations are easier to follow than my suggestions.

Nobody here will attack you personally; the worst that can happen is that they completely ignore you. The Judge has put some considerable effort in putting your post into standard form for this forum; the easy solution would have been to junk it. OK?
 

junkodudeturkey835

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Oh, expletive deleted. I just went and did my breakdown on the previous version; has it changed much? And I didn't say "Show, don't tell"; I'm old enough to enjoy 'tell'.

I did say 'Comma splice' several times, and got confused by the non-continous tenses; if this isn't clear (I tend to red pen in shorthand, and this is the first piece of yours I've done) just say so in later posts, and we'll see if my explanations are easier to follow than my suggestions.

Nobody here will attack you personally; the worst that can happen is that they completely ignore you. The Judge has put some considerable effort in putting your post into standard form for this forum; the easy solution would have been to junk it. OK?

That's fine, though i honestly find it hard to really do a story without really learning much about creative writing from genuine sources, everyone seems to suck my peen despite the obvious flaws, so its good you pointed some of these out. I am prone to sometimes putting things in past tense without realising it, due to not being able to find the right words. My vocabulary is in serious need of improvement at this moment too.

And if i am honest, the portal in the story is really hard to describe and is rather surreal and complex. Maybe too much for someone of novice writing skills.

And please explain the comma splice stuff, you mentioned it so many times i honestly think if you do it might help me a great deal.
 

junkodudeturkey835

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Messages
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Oh, expletive deleted. I just went and did my breakdown on the previous version; has it changed much? And I didn't say "Show, don't tell"; I'm old enough to enjoy 'tell'.

I did say 'Comma splice' several times, and got confused by the non-continous tenses; if this isn't clear (I tend to red pen in shorthand, and this is the first piece of yours I've done) just say so in later posts, and we'll see if my explanations are easier to follow than my suggestions.

Nobody here will attack you personally; the worst that can happen is that they completely ignore you. The Judge has put some considerable effort in putting your post into standard form for this forum; the easy solution would have been to junk it. OK?

Oh, and i actually put the story here myself, not The Judge.
 

chrispenycate

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A comma splice is the use of a comma to join two independent clauses. For example:

It is nearly half past five, we cannot reach town before dark.

Although acceptable in some languages and compulsory in others, comma splices are usually considered style errors in English. Some English style guides consider comma splices appropriate in certain situations, such as when being poetic or with short, similar phrases.

Comma splices are condemned in The Elements of Style, a popular American English style guide by E.B. White and William Strunk, Jr.


That means that if you have a sentence which can be split into two (or more) segments, and these bits can stand on their own as individual sentences (subject, verb, often object) they should be separated by something heavier than a comma. This might be a full stop (period), a semicolon (somewhat unfashionable but still serviceable) or a conjunction (and, but, or…- the grammatical equivalent of a gluon). The exception to this is when there is a list, with the last clause attached by a conjunction "That afternoon he sprinkled the lawn, he walked the dog, bought a newspaper and forced a police car to collide with a bollard."

If we take your "Mark pulled the cabinet away from the wall, inspecting the back he found nothing." at random, we could replace that central comma with a full stop and the two sentences would be totally complete. Or (yes, and when I learnt this stuff starting a sentence with a conjunction would have brought severe criticism; now it's become an everyday occurrence. As the comma splice may well become, but hasn't yet.) we could put an "and" in there, or a semicolon. As the copied article at the top of the post shows, there is now some tolerance for leaving in comma splices, particularly in dialogue, to indicate that the speaker is not separating his ideas but churning on like a vocal sausage machine.

So a meagre scattering of comma splices is tolerated, but not encouraged. I personally feel you use too many, even for nowadays, and fear this would cause rejection by agents or publishers as requiring too much time to correct. It is impossible to use too few.

I did not correct, also from my youth, several utilisations of 'like' where 'as if' would have been more grammatically convincing, as I suspect nobody now cares, just as I would not insert subjunctives nowadays (use them myself, yes).

But (see, I did it again) while I personally think you should learn these details getting confidence in writing is more important in the short term. I promise you that when you look at this piece in a year's time you'll cringe, but there is no way to writing well except improving bad writing. Which takes effort.
 

junkodudeturkey835

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I think i should just write this novel with what i know for now. All i need is the motivation and good vibes and i should be set to go and do draft 0 (what i intend to be the worst draft), finally setting the story in stone and i focus on making it better from then on out. Which will be much easier for me.
 

Mr Orange

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ryan, i think that almost all of the first four paragraphs (after the first line - keep that) could pretty much be taken out and replaced with a brief description of the cluttered attic. i think the story needs to start with the cabinet.

if the rotating pillar is far away you won't be able to see tiny cracks on it

who is jack? is he Mark's father? i wasn't sure.

there are several times where you jump between tenses (as mentioned by others)

also, your description needs to be tightened up a bit.

sounds like an intriguing story though

Mr O
 

junkodudeturkey835

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ryan, i think that almost all of the first four paragraphs (after the first line - keep that) could pretty much be taken out and replaced with a brief description of the cluttered attic. i think the story needs to start with the cabinet.

if the rotating pillar is far away you won't be able to see tiny cracks on it

who is jack? is he Mark's father? i wasn't sure.

there are several times where you jump between tenses (as mentioned by others)

also, your description needs to be tightened up a bit.

sounds like an intriguing story though

Mr O

It was the first half of it, yes Jack was his father.

I know i went into too much detail with the attic, but i am currently unsure what is it that people want when they read a story, so i assume i need to be overtly detailed with things.

And yeah about the pillar, i could explain to you its purpose if you like. And the cracks are all over it and they are quite large, so you can see them easily.

I need to be a bit more relaxed about my writing and just do it how i want to do it, which i intend to do when i do a draft of my novel sometime next year when i get my energy back.
 

junkodudeturkey835

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Im not going to bother putting the rest here, since the rest i did paste got removed. I can't be bothered trying to show this to the world when its this awkward.

I will do a shorter story in a few days. This one will be relevant to the novel i am planning to do. But it won't be canonical.
 

tinkerdan

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Hi RyanJ1996,

From a readers point of view I am confused about a number of things.

One is the chilly cabinet. It has a drawer and apparently two cabinets and maybe this is a cultural reference but I'm not sure what two cabinets inside a cabinet would look like or how that works but drawers I understand. Can you remove the two cabinets like a drawer?

Also cool air circulating out of a cabinet I'd be searching for the plug supplying electricity to the hidden air-conditioner and then maybe I'd be confused when there is none.

Then there is the pillar the size of Jupiter I'm really confused as to where that is at in the void between two worlds but if it means what I think, then it should pretty much be all he sees.

I think in a way you may be trying to over think what this dimensional gate or whatever it is might appear like. I think getting into Marks head and figuring out what he sees and conveying that to me the reader might be sufficient for now. This is really new to him and his perception of it is likely tainted by his normal perceptions and the perception of something fantastic.

Those are just my thoughts.
 

junkodudeturkey835

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Hi RyanJ1996,

From a readers point of view I am confused about a number of things.

One is the chilly cabinet. It has a drawer and apparently two cabinets and maybe this is a cultural reference but I'm not sure what two cabinets inside a cabinet would look like or how that works but drawers I understand. Can you remove the two cabinets like a drawer?

Also cool air circulating out of a cabinet I'd be searching for the plug supplying electricity to the hidden air-conditioner and then maybe I'd be confused when there is none.

Then there is the pillar the size of Jupiter I'm really confused as to where that is at in the void between two worlds but if it means what I think, then it should pretty much be all he sees.

I think in a way you may be trying to over think what this dimensional gate or whatever it is might appear like. I think getting into Marks head and figuring out what he sees and conveying that to me the reader might be sufficient for now. This is really new to him and his perception of it is likely tainted by his normal perceptions and the perception of something fantastic.

Those are just my thoughts.

About the pillar, i tend to have a rather weird surreal imagination with immensely large objects in space and stuff to do with other dimensions and various strange things like that. The pillar is quite far away from the pillar he is on (oops), so he should have described it as being smaller.

And i did over think it in a way. I guess i needed to be more skilled to describe the portal to the reader and so forth.

This is how i pictured the portal though, at least from Earth's view of it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwhHneKIjrI
 
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seriously in need of beta readers!
Ryan if I were you, I'd go on to youtube and watch brandon sanderson writing lectures. They are awesome and I'd highly recommend them. Also I would think about what you are trying to say as an author. We're all trying to say something and finding what that is very important. Also one of Sanderson's key points 'ideas of are cheap' will really help you.

Don't worry about your just getting started....
 

ralphkern

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What Stephen said. One of the reasons critiques exist is because we, as authors, have the benefit of having our writing augmented by our own minds eye. A benefit that the reader does not have. The people posting invest a lot of their own time and effort in helping you transfer that minds eye image to the page in a way that everyone can enjoy.

I can see from the amount of posts you get a lot of people like your ideas and are keen to get them out so everyone can appreciate them.

It's hard being criticised, but everyone here wants to help you succeed whether it be myself through good thoughts (lord knows I can't help with the grammar) or some of the others with their more practical advice.

In other words stop being negative with your posts!!!!!!! :)
 

tinkerdan

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Hi RyanJ1996,

I could be wrong but I envision from this that there may be more trips to the attic to look at this before he gets sucked into it. You might want to piecemeal out the description as though each time he discovers something new or different and in fact that it may be the weakness of curiosity that drags him into it if that's where this is going.

Take for instance:
I have a snow-globe I place out every year that plays a tune, spins and snows when you shake it. This year I discovered it plays more than one tune. Then while I was wonder why it stopped, I was standing close to it and shouted to someone in the other room. "Hey, why did it stop?"

That's when I discovered it's voice activated too.
 

junkodudeturkey835

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Ryan if I were you, I'd go on to youtube and watch brandon sanderson writing lectures. They are awesome and I'd highly recommend them. Also I would think about what you are trying to say as an author. We're all trying to say something and finding what that is very important. Also one of Sanderson's key points 'ideas of are cheap' will really help you.

Don't worry about your just getting started....

Yeah i know, i think half of my issues are just stemming from poor self esteem and mood issues. If i was happier i would be much easier on myself and not keep focusing on "being successful" rather than thinking about writing something i enjoy. I shouldn't even be thinking about such things since i am just starting out.

And don't worry i shall, and i know Brandon did the last Wheel of Time books, which the first one i am currently reading (kinda, having a break from it...its really long).
 

junkodudeturkey835

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What Stephen said. One of the reasons critiques exist is because we, as authors, have the benefit of having our writing augmented by our own minds eye. A benefit that the reader does not have. The people posting invest a lot of their own time and effort in helping you transfer that minds eye image to the page in a way that everyone can enjoy.

I can see from the amount of posts you get a lot of people like your ideas and are keen to get them out so everyone can appreciate them.

It's hard being criticised, but everyone here wants to help you succeed whether it be myself through good thoughts (lord knows I can't help with the grammar) or some of the others with their more practical advice.

In other words stop being negative with your posts!!!!!!! :)

I don't mind being criticised, just as long as it doesn't have a hostile intent but rather to aid and help. And yeah i really really do want to get these ideas out, i just need to be able to get them into text in the best way i can. That relies on my mood and mindset though, i have to be energised and content to do something to the best of my skills. I know this since i can picture the words in my head somewhat, just i can't put them down for some reason. Its weird and may be depression related.
 
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seriously in need of beta readers!
I don't mind being criticised, just as long as it doesn't have a hostile intent but rather to aid and help. And yeah i really really do want to get these ideas out, i just need to be able to get them into text in the best way i can. That relies on my mood and mindset though, i have to be energised and content to do something to the best of my skills. I know this since i can picture the words in my head somewhat, just i can't put them down for some reason. Its weird and may be depression related.


I've been a member for a while now and I can tell you that very rarely will anyone here be hostile toward you. They will be critical but only in a constructive way.
 
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